h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Go Beardo!!

bold words gareth. and well put too
but to take me on is foolish as il just defeat you
using big words isn't clever, your rhyming was awful
your playing with a rhyming god, i am no mortal
you call youself a goth, yet u dress in pink
why not go to a mosh pit and see what the other goths think
you say im out of my depth, that i have no chance
your words are like heresy and i must take a stance
yes i prefer 606, yes i prefer sports
but either way i still have to listen to your crappy retorts
you're all talk, i doubt i'll see a reply anytime soon
since your epics appear once in a blue moon
your rhymes are pitiful, how many times must you be told
even fisheye manages to bring out more gold
so wake up, open your eyes, leave your fanstasy land
because right now these rhymes of yours just play into my hands

Meh, I think you just proved why I don't play this game with you Anderson. And seriously speaking burgandy is not a shade of pink. Its more of a gore colour anyway. If you want to banter then banter but you dont even know what haiku is so don't say your better than me at poetry.

typical gareth. you're not entering the ring
anyone can comment, why not duel me by rhyming?
you're like the weedy spectators who shout insults from outside
because face it, you can't stop me just like you can't stop the tide

Do not speak to me of a duel,
I have mastered the sword,
If I entered this arena,
I could slay you while bored.

sticks and stones gareth, you forever talk of your might
if you don't enter the ring then how can we fight?
ur arrogance saddens me, as do all the patronising insults you use
but i've had enough, this is one kid you won't abuse

Sit down and keep it quiet,
You think your words will start a riot,
You talk when spoken too,
Youl cry when I'm through with you,
I stepped up long ago friend,
I promised to be your end.

its saturday people get on R2D2!!!

anderson's arrived, im here and im back at my pod
guna write a story so epic, even better than my 'escape from the mods'
but right now to warm me a up a few word games i'll play
gareth hasn't arrived so tumnus instead i will slay
the faun is sitting right next to me and its not hard to tell
even if i was in narnia i'd still catch that sick ginger smell

The great white shark- - - - - - - - - - - -

The great white glides through the sea, like a snake sliding in the sand...
But what bothers him so, is his repuation that he gained from people on the land...

The great white had anger problems especially with a man called speilberg....
But what made him frought with anguish was the orc lookin creature afloat on top of an iceberg..

Ahoy exclaimed our beardo, obviously unaware that sharks cannot grasp simple english...
this mainly being due to the reason the are from the family fish..

But alas this shark could speak the english that beardo spoke
and replied ah ha human with beard of squirrel with a suprised croke...

What bothers you so came questioned the shark...
"i feel lost out here, i long to be in the dark....

well replied the shark.. "we cannot all get what we want can we!"
his voice creaking with biterness and this filled beardo with glee!

"Speilberg" cried the shark. he wrecked my life with that film jaws!!
know i cant go anywhere without people taking about my human eating flaws......

but dont you like the reputation of hardest fish in the ocean!?
and what happened now appeared in slow motion...

Beardo sensed this shark was slightly pathetic and launched himself towards the great white!!
if you could see this it would have been quite a sight....

He flew through the air.. he squirrel like beard glowing against a back drop of the deep blue sea and gray sky
Beardo cut a fearsome shape as he glided through the air, who knew that ass, the human/ORC could fly...

Beardo was in too deep.. quite literally infact as he couldnt swim that well...
and appeared to be in trouble with the oceans swell...

TO BE CONTINUED...

This beard on its own can take down 3 sharks!

...You have too much time on your fury hands tumnus!

ahhhh is this creano i see on r2d2!!!ahhh its saturday not grooming today? oh yeh schools are closed saturday!!

gareth plunged into the sea hoping his contraption worked
he wanted to go deep underwater and discover the creatures there that lurked
armed with his orc blade he looked for his first kill
he was fascinated to see the way fish blood would spill
he saw a lone haddock and dispatched it with ease
he felt confortable, he couldn't even feel his beard fleas
they had been long dead, a death caused by starvation
but not the lone flea, he had gone on vacation
it was gareths strange blood composition that the fleas could not take
and so their remains fell to the bottom of the sea like sir francis drake's
gareth pedalled furiously, he knew his air would not last
these underwater kills wouldnt be as easy as the ones in the past
suddenly he stopped, he saw a figure in the gloom
could it be? the great underwater goblin of doom!?
the great underwater goblin of doom recognised beardo
the one who slew his cousin, the goblin lord, and was a self proclaimed hero
he let out a wild hiss and unleashed his goblin harpoon
gareth felt sick. the goblin was the cat and he was the balloon
there was no faun or fisheye, no goblin fighting team
he was alone, all because of his sick underwater dream!
but he had his orc blade, and (unlikely as it sounds) he was no fool
but did he have the guile to survive this terrible underwater duel?

to be continued...

The goblin of doom swam deftly and swift,
Our infamous beardo was clumsy and slow,
He was good with the sword graceful and quick,
But the water was thick and hampered his blow.

The goblin struck once, twice and again,
Beardo was lost, hurt, full of sorrow,
He fought valiantly but the goblin was better,
"I have forsaken the light, will I see tomorrow?".

Out of the blue from nowhere it seemed,
an artifact shone and glowed and gleamed,
It was a blade of the depths formed of coral and brine,
Holding it was Fisheye, "This goblin is mine!".

Beardo took his chance and escaped to the shore,
He had seen Fisheye fight goblins before,
He had no fear his friend would survive,
But the goblin was good and may yet be alive.

Fisheye showed up and from the water he'd emerge,
It would seem that our heroes will again converge,
"You were in my domain and out of your league,
You felt my home and now know it's fatigue.".

"You can see my problem I am as you were before,
My land is infested by goblins and more,
Use this shell, blow with all your might,
Our friends will hear and join us in this fight.".

The shell was blown and Beardo cried out,
"NEWS TEAM ASSEMBAAAAAAAAAAAL",
And the friends would come out.

The quest starts again and the fight will go on,
But were our heores ready for it had been so long.

Yes Tumnus schools are closed i believe... Just becuase you look 12 dont think that covers you to pull girls that age too!

ha ha creano!! very funny you are! what your excuse for young girls then!? fringe blocks your view.. you massive gay!!

As long they`re legal tumnus! thats where you seem to go wrong!
...still jelous about lack of hair i see? If it helps the majority of pedo`s have very little hair! and are also fairly short i believe!

creano how wud u know what the majority look like!?!

u been going to the counselling they provide people like you... glad to see u on the mend!!

Nope, just read the news quite regularly. And the other day as i left work a 9 year old girl ran up to me screaming "help, a strange man is trying to touch me, an he`s trying to tell me he`s the famous Mr.Tumnus!"
..i know your game you sick feck!