h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Where have I been all your life?

Are you dancin? - I suppose a ****'s out of the question, then?

Would you like to disprove the theory that rebound relationships don't work?

Are these practice or theory? Were they ever used on/by you?

One I've watched being used (though not successfully - hope for humanity yet?):

"Would you like to dance?"
"Yes"
"Ah good, 'cos I'd like to speak to your friend here"

A rather nasty habit in our neck of the woods is recycling boyfriends and girlfriends. Things get a little heated when the prat who was dumped gets news that his ex is now seeing seeing one of his mates. To close to incest for me, but I giggle anyway knowing that one one or more occasions they have even hit on me.

my friend knows one, she told me about it and i thought it was rather odd...



I wish i was a door so you could fiddle with my knob...

It occurs to me that many of these lines seem aimed at 'doubling the potential market' so to speak...

...or am I reading too much into things?

I think you have a point there, actually.

Ah that is good - I thought I was going mad there for a second. Well I may already be mad, but thats a whole different topic of conversation

My metaphorical hat goes off to the really fat bloke in a nightclub where i worked - he got barracked by some unkind ladies with the line

"If that belly was on a woman, she'd be pregnant!"

to which he replied

"It has been. And she is!"

Full marks there for quick thinking, self-confidence, and for turning the unkind remark into a positive.

Checks at the back of the ladies neck and remarks "just looking for the "made in heaven" label"

ALLEN: That's quite a lovely Jackson Pollack, isn't it?

MUSEUM GIRL: Yes, it is.

ALLEN: What does it say to you?

MUSEUM GIRL: It restates the negativeness of the universe. The hideous lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness. The predicament of Man forced to live in a barren, Godless eternity like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror and degradation, forming a useless bleak straitjacket in a black absurd cosmos.

ALLEN: What are you doing Saturday night?

MUSEUM GIRL: Committing suicide.

ALLEN: What about Friday night?


--Play It Again, Sam (1972) by Woody Allen

When you're in the bath do you face the taps ?

Is this an actual line?

"Do you?"
"?"
"Well... do you?"
"Not 'til now, you smooth-talking swine"

Elly - that was an actual line - over-heard on the dance floor.