h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Zip it! I shall be the new leader. It is my DESTINY!!!

We shall build a new Moon of Doom(tm), and destroy all who stand in my way.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-AHAHAHAHAHAHA-AHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!

Dude, quit it. I WILL report you if you don't.

What?!? I didn't even threaten to attack anyone! If you saw a giant space station equipped with MASSIVE lasers, would you stand in their way? Its natural selection, if anything...

we definetly need a new leader ... who isn't that cheesy form of evil of Cptn_Jack_Harkness

Cheesy form of evil? I shall break into your house, and remove one sock from each pair!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hows THAT for evil?

That's not even remotely evil. I'm demoting you to level negative two, for idiotic and moronic malice. To be properly evil, you need to have brains with it. If I had not so much brain power and broke in to steal one sock, I would cut all of the clothing in half, so that josh had half a pair of trousers, half a t shirt, etc. And that's with less brain power. Come on, people, we're supposed to be evil, not just stupidly mean. If you wanna be stupidly mean, you might as well join some other group.

The most evil people had the brain power to think up the plans in detail and think of all the back ups, so that's what we should do.

I hate to stress that saddly this isn't a democracey! Mu ha ha ha.

OK, maybe that wasn't the smartest thing to suggest...but I was drunk at the time!

How about this then... We use a device known as a 'laser' to punch a hole in the 'ozone layer', unless our demands are met. This will cause the Earth to heat, causing discomfort of millions!

Better... just one teensy problem. It would kill us. Have you never seen the film 'Day after tomorrow'? Remember we live on earth as well, and I'm not ready to die quite yet.

Hmmmmm. OK, what we do, is we fake an affair between John Prescott and Camill Parker-Bowles (spelling?). This will disgrace both the government and the Royal Family, unless our demands are met!

mm... getting there... slowly. But the royal family effectively have no power over the country, so it would be pointless to disgrace their names. They're just there to open special events and so on. To look good. I like them, anyway. Try harder. Come on! We need to think outside the metaphorical box people!

Right, here's one - has anyone seen Hitchcock's 'The Birds'...

Ok, some proper evil....... first, we need to all gather round the big table (the one that has the intercom things and the red buttons at the leaders fingertips) whereby, our glorious leader will then kindly feed a couple of people to the sharks. now, being clever evil, not stupid evil, non of our plans will have been revealed to any secret agents who then cunningly escape or any of that formulaic claptrap. no. they get eaten by sharks.

Now, suitably entertained, we can all put forwards our suggestions for how to best proceed in an evil, but well mannered way.(the best evil folk are always very polite and well mannered. and they certainly dont muck about stealing socks.usually.)

so, U2006, evil personified *bows extravagantly*, carry on and show us the true meaning of the word....

Well said, id, that was a very evil speech! I love your sinister manners! Meaning sinister as in 'evil', not left handed! lol! And, yes, my point exactly, evil genius' are always well mannered, because it infuriates the good guys!

*A table appears from nowere sourrounded by chairs, and plenty of cookies rest on the table*

O.k, lets get down to bussniss guys (and girls!)

It all depends on our objective, something evil and sinister! I think we should try and recruit some more people to our cause, followed by some form of..something. I need choclate and time to think!

(To all mods out there I promise to keep everything in check ok?)

I agree with the sinister motife for our new plans, but first I must remind all Americans or other nationalities to speak with an English accent. It just sounds so more intelligent, and yet so more evil than anything else.

I disagree, because whilst I'm English, some English accents do not sound intelligent or even remotely evil. I shall not mention any, because it could be offensive. I think everyone should develop their own evil accent. Yes?

Well, unless you have, say, a Geordie accent or something from the Birmingham area, you should be fine. I myself have a slightly upper-middle-class voice perfectly suited to saying "No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die"

well, although whilst i hope the captain intended no offence to 'north'ners', i think he managed to do just that just fine.......

..anyway, my own brand of evil accent moshtly conshistzz *slurp* of a shhortof *shluurp* whiney shlurpy schotteesssh-spaneesh *shlurp* type of shpeech, with 'non?' tagged on at the endsch, non?