h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Its my birthday today.Ich bin einundzwanzig.

many happy return with lots of fun things

Ich bin einundzwanzig also!

"einundzwanzig" sound like part of the "swanlake" ballet

No I reaaly am einundzwanzig in my own foolish head.Actually ,chronologically,in borinreality I am considerably neare forty than I am tenty but I was immensely flattered the other day to be asked out by a fifeteen year-old. He had no acne and wasn't obviously socially challenged apart form supporting Man United of course and seemed to have quite a few real friends and showed none of the classic signs of substance abuse.My only answe to the puzzle was that there must be something extremely wrong with him apart from the Man U thing something that wasn't obvious:youreoutof yourtinylittlemindmateititus springs to mind.

ing y sh*te

Happy Birthday!

There's nowt wrong with an old bird - as long as you don't mind wrinkly bits.

Liam.

(lets the last comment pass uncontested in the spirit of auld lang syne)

Liam, I'm starting work beginning of December,we must go out for a drink soonest if thats ok with you?

I'm still waiting for payday Lady L, as soon as that comes through we can work something out. When do you start work?

Liam.

Hope all is well Lady L.

Liam.

I dont know speaking from the remeneces of a 15 year old boy with regard to a thirty two year old auntie fourty six years later,i doubt it flattery comes into it ,accept the compliment you are a beautyfull young woman, not even at your peak yet,you may not feel that way after spurs have lost 3-0 to man untd ,we all have our bad days.

Ho Ho! Its all done and dusted,sir tracticus! Jermaine Defoe and a new manager,Kanoute will be home soon and we are not in any way shape or form Leeds United On the other subject thankyou sir.

Jermain Defoe will leave you within 18 months. Good player that he is, he has twice shown, before the age of 21 that he is a mercenary, I wouldn't be too excited about having a player of his nature in the squad, he will certainly cause you more trouble than he is worth.

I suppose it makes a change from nearly signing people for you though.

YOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYYOYOYOYOYO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna come down to your club and do some funky fresh funky........fresh...........boooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Hows it going les? Long time no seal. Its Great Ceasers ghost here. Do you realise that its been over a year since we jacked it in at B to the Wizzle? Jings (Dr) Crippens!

Life is nice at the sordid media w**k fest, and I just got promoted from general gopher to entirely more specific gopher.

Just writing to see if you wanna get a McFlurry at 1:30, and then watch the scum file out of Sports and Soccer?

Think about it.

Ciao!

and put out some orange pikies ciggie too. Peace out my homie! Congrats on promotion, are you now humming on Griffs nuts for stacks of cash?

Nah mate.

The shows very hush hush. On tues they sent me to bonnie scotland on my own, with a camera, to film 4 potential contributors for the show. Scotland is very odd. When you back in blighty, you trecherous pooper?

tis what show?

not coming back to the UK until mid June, got plans in the pipeline for altogether more permanent departure from UK, may end up working in Kosovo if I get to work where I want, all rather exciting!

You can Kosavo my butt!

I have seen the darkness of our english provinces, and have sworn never to leave london again unless it is to travel to a foreign isle. I'll come with you to Kosovo; i'm quite p*****ed off and could use a fight!

Your horoscope for today

You will only make one major mistake today;leaving the house.It is quite probable that you will get your enormous head stuck in the door jamb otherwise your overbearing attitude will lead you to be attacked with a machete about an hour before lunchtime.Thinking positively will be of no use to you even if you work as a lunchtime supervisor in a tiny village school miles from a machete shop,you will still walk into the path of the mobile library.

I've decided to head for danger after I'm done here. I am sick of the way things are going in general and i couldn no longer give a s**t about living comfortably or whatever. I am going to take some big and potentially very costly risks soon.

Heading for danger? That's laughable!

Your talking to a man who has to venture into ladies toilets today for the sake of his job, with a video camera no less.

No word of a lie

Call me seatsniffer, i dare you!