h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yoo-hoo. Anybody for a match?

I've loaded my shotgun with rubber bullets, it's as nonlethal as I can get.

This particular style I picked up from a guy named Ash awhile back. Know him?

[Marshal] Hey Recrash! Fancy a go?
*Pulls out the Viper 145 and loads it with rubber .22 calibre rounds. The 4.5 Calibre barrel whines as it contracts to fit them.*

bring it on. you'll need my more positive skills after i'm through with you

*Leans to the left as he cocks the pistol, then swings to the right and kicks out, bringing his pistol around and firing three shots point blank.*

*Ducks the whirring blade and decides hand to hand is the only way to settle this. Grabs the Chainsaw and applies a powerul kick to Recrash's arm, making him drop the weapon.*

oh, well. both hands free now.

*Rolls up, blinking away the painfull throbbing behind his eyes, and dives at Recrash. Lays in with several blows, using a complex and unpredictable mix of Karate, Jujitso, Tiquando, Kung Fu and Kickboxing to disorientate recrash, though he still can find an opening...
...Dives to the right, using a Shring Punch, then quickly moving right into a Bitch-Kick combo before finishing with a Moonassault jump kick that leaves his opponent gasping for breath. Staggers to one side to rest until his ears stop ringing.*
[Marshal] Give...*Pant* Give it up, recrash. You don't stand a chance against a full VIPER. *Gasp*

tiquando? isn't that cactus booze?


swining?

*Marshal hits the floor hard, but manages to roll onto his back. Recrash tries to stamp on him, but there is a blur of movement, and recrash feels a cold, prickling sensation between his toes...
Marshal leaps up and, determined to end the fight once and for all, summons his entire being into one almighty punch...
The punch is off, but unbalances recrash, who lands three kicks in Marshal's chest, resulting in the click of dislocating ribs... He slams his right fist into recrash's throat; nearly killing him.
Recrash collapses, panting hard and clutches his chest, while recrash stares blearily at the knife between his toes...*

ah-henh, ah-henh.

i say we wrap up this session for now

[Marshal] Good... Good plan.

Reporting to Train Sir

*The loudspeakers chime into action.*
[Fester] Your attention please. The vessel Khar Siid is under attack from robotic aliens known as Minions. All VIPERs and Cadets willing and able to assist please head for Khar Siid Immediately! (A734735) Anyone assisting should report to Shuttlebay 1, and register with me. That is all.
*Loudspeakers chime again, and are silent.*
[Marshal] Maybe it should wait... the real thing's arrived!

** AbsolutMD suddenly appears from the corner **

[AbsolutMD] Good evening. I have been granted "Cadet" ranking. Anyone care to challenge my psionic abilites?

*Dharackni appears from the warp and flies accross the room smashing into the wall.*
Ouch, errrr.
Oh, hello, you want a fight do you?
*Dharackni gets up, dusts himself off and draws his staff.*
Or do you want a pistol fight?
*Draws his pistol, then remembers it has live ammo in it and holsters it again.*

[AbsolutMD] Interesting choice of weapons. But I think if you look closely, you'd realize that you can't really inflict much damage holding a mackerel with "live rounds"

Argh!
*looks down as the mackeral slips out his hand and wriggles across the floor*
OK then, you want magic do you?
*Dharackni mutters something and a bolt of lightning flies from his hand and strikes MD, stunning his hand.*
ha!

don't mind me.

*Dharackni flinches as the medallion round his neck turns into a snake, he quickly throws it accross the room and as it hits the wall it turns back into the chain.*
Stop doing this freaky stuff!!!