h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The smell of insence fills the grand hall. Choiral music floats down from above. Your footsteps echo through the hall. At the altar there is a giant of a man. Eight foot tall, equaled only by Pestilence in height, and clothed in black Power Armour. Kron. The Temple's Chaplain.*
[Kron] What do you want!? Can't you see I'm busy!?

Nothing, sir. I simply wanted you to grant me absolution, for all the lives I have taken or failed to save. And to pray for their souls. It would do me so much good, coming from a fellow minister of the people.

*Nods solemly*
[Kron] Of course. I too have faced those who cannot be saved in body or spirit... Your sins are absolved. Go forth in Grace.
Viva veneratio, Recrash.

jus' saying hello an' happy easter

[Kron] Easter? Who is he? and does he worship the Emperor properly?

all i know is he delivers candy eggs, when he's not endorsing batteries

[Kron] That doesn't sound very religious to me...

*The door to the Chapel slams back. Three "Kajo"; JACKAL warriors dressed in red ninja outfits and armed with bladed gauntlets and wrist-mounted stubguns; enter the room. They move quietly, slinking from one row of seats to another. One approaches a side door of the chapel...
A Bolt round from above blows out the back of his head. A second Kajo is hit in the chest and is blown apart. The third dives for cover, but is his in the hip. He lies, screaming, until a final shot blows him in two.*
[Kron] Ha! Heathen scum! You will not reach our blessed Ordnance!

*Kran stumbles in with a deep cut across his face*

We need things! Ammo for pestilance and i need some too! But he told me to get something else and i cant remeber what it was!

*falls over on floor out of breath and ammo*

[Kron] Hold on, Brother! I shall assist thee!
*Kron throws down a massive belt of ammunition, plus four spider-like robots.*
[Kron] You'll need those Nano-Droids to seal the breaches! Now go! Save Pestilence and rid this place of these heathen scum!

*picks up ammo and bot*

Thank you

*runs out*

*walks in, this time without cuts, blood and a gun in hand*

Is the ordanance still held here, sir?

[Kron] Yes, for now. How can I help you?

I think we could be going on a little stomp on those... eh..... sods who attacked us, im just wanting to know what sort of weapons and armour we can get.

[Kron] I've begun moving most of the arms back to the Armoury, but I have a selection of small weapons that have been left here. If you want more, see Maverick in the Armoury.

ah right.

ill just go find out about some nice big guns then, sorry to bother you sir.

*walks out*

[Kron] Think nothing of it... But you had best be at morning prayers! AND TELL THE SAME TO THE REST OF THOSE SHIRKERS!!!

Inside the vast hall the chants of the faithful could be heard.

"Maoo... Maooo... Maooo... Papaa... Ummm... Maooo... Maooo..."

"OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL..."

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"