h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Paper suppliers for the Daily Horn have been asked
to make sure that the rag fibre content is proper for
budgy containment lining. Several consultants have been hired
by Mudpie Recycling and Tire Repair in order to meet
the new demand. Several boatloads of antique Jesus jeans
are in route from Southern Italy in order to make the Daily
Horn the best that it can be.
In other news, the search for the Page 3 editor has hit a snag,
as it seems that no one in his right mind would consent
to be associated with the project. Chief Assistant Editor
to the Features desk, Iram Soylent, was quoted as saying,"Well,
I guess I'll have to rely on me sister again."
Irena Soylent, once Miss Pimlico Home Brew and Blood Sausage Festival, was seen surreptitiously shopping in Monaco for a sex-change operation.

Personal Columns :
Lonely former newspaper editor, GSOH, 40ish, seeks companionship.
Send photograph (authentic, please)

Photograph of a sixpence in the mail.
Don't bend it, please, it's the only one I've got.

Sir,

Regarding this Song Contest - I can't see what all the fuss is about.

The outcome seems quite representative of Europe to me.

Yours,

Alexander the Great

Yes, but when was the last time you heard someone singing a recipe for couscous in Swahili while dancing the hula in a greek ironmonger's apron?