h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*A brand new addition to the extensive collection of Minos Krylma is slowly and quietly installed outside the Stadium. A large, black obelisk made of a shiny obsidian-like mineral that, if analyzed by a CLI device, would reveal itself to not be obsidian. Hailing from the distant planet of Sha'Du, the Gecko Warriors installing it keep a close eye on their watches, the sun and the big clock by the stadium to make sure that they're installing it correctly by the time table.

With the Obelisk installed, they quickly vacate the area and leave it to sit there, motionless, not causing any problems to anyone*

Music: DUN DUN DAAAAAAA!

*walks up and tapes a "zoning violation: transdimentional gate into the demon dimension opened only upon a simple a foolish mistake by a party requires that form 4572-b, the 'cthulu,' be filed at the local planning office prior to installation or with a 30 credit fee within 25 days of installation"*

Ah, the power of bureaucracy... I think I need to invest in some unpleasant and surly men who drive intergalactic bulldozers with blue and red lights on them.

*The Krylma Leader walks out and blinks*

KL-Transdimensional gate? This is *not* a transdimensional gate. And if it was it *certainly* wouldn't be going to a demon dimension. I don't keep those things outside in the lawn.

KL, sir, regardless of what it may actually be, the law considers it a transdimensional gate and so I'm forced to require the 4572-b "Cthulhu" be filled out. Otherwise the court may just dispense with burly men with bulldozers.

Honestly, it's easier to fill out the form than debate it... it follows the same logic that shooting someone or punching them is battery.

EDIT:

the same sort of logic that means that both shooting someone with a gun or punching someone are considered battery.

*The Krylma Leader grins*

KL-Heh...heh-heh-heh...yes. Yes, I've heard of this law. And it is wrong. Bring your bulldozers. If you're willing to deal with the consequences of bulldozing this most dangerous piece of art without bothering to look into what it actually is and what it actually does, well...I certainly can't be held responsible.

Oh...and do be sure to bring a "warrant." I always love it when this 'law' of yours shoots itself in the foot.

You'd honestly rather start a fight than sign a piece of paper?

KL-Fight? Me? Oh, no. No, not today. You've decided that this situational river has two courses: sign a paper, or don't sign it and you bring a warrant and bulldozers. I have chosen to not sign it. I will not fight. I won't even defend the Obelisk. In fact...oh, why not. In the spirit of Groundhog's Day, Imbolc and the newly dawning Year of the Rabbit, I'll even turn off the Lazer Turrets that normally shoot at vehicles that drive on to the grass.

But I do warn you yet again: meddling with the Obelisk of Sha'Du will bring you nothing but pain, death and sorrow. It is a terrible object with a will of its own. When you fail to destroy it, for fail you will, just remember that I warned you against going anywhere near it. Even under threat of death it took me a while to find Gecko Warriors loyal enough to install it. *Sigh* Some people just don't appreciate good art.

So enforce this law of yours. Foolishly risk the life, limb and machinery that you choose to invest. But when the reckoning occurs, don't say I didn't warn you.

Ah, ok. Sounds like a rollicking good time, this obelisk does.

*Walks over and pastes on the obelisk a piece of paper that says, in large letters, ZONING VIOLATION. The text after it, on closer examination, is just a bunch of squiggles.*

Well. My sense of decorum has been satisfied.

*Minos scratches his chin, pondering*

KL-So, tell me...is that paper more legible in the shade or not in the shade? Curioser and curioser...

*sees the word "pondering"*

I think so, Brain, but who's gonna wanna play Embodiment of Scarlet Pimpernel? ... er ... sorry, reflex.

I think the ominous doom is making the legalese shrivel up and die.

Like when I see an old lady, and my...

SLUGS AND SALT. DEFINITELY LIKE SLUGS AND SALT.

Oh, my.

*floating at a respectful distance from the lawn and the Big Black Thing*

So this is art, is it?

It's better than art, Lil.

It's PUBLIC art. Our tax dollars doing their best to satisfy someone else's aesthetic desires, and then implicitly having us told to like it. Otherwise it's YOUR money going to waste.

How sublimely evil. I was wondering what my dues paid for.

KL-More to the point, it's a relic from the culture of the planet of Sha'Du, an altar of sorts around which sacrifices could be made. It's said to have powers in its own right, and was the cause of a fair number of accidents back when it was in use. The people of Sha'Du have moved beyond that barbaric history of theirs, however, and the obelisk was lost. I had a team locate it when I learned of its properties, however. It was worth the time and resources.

It does tricks? Like, on a schedule?

Hasn't done anything for me, yet...

KL-You have no idea how close you came to imperiling your life when you put up that notice.