h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

He has a mobile which I put on as he goes down at the start of the night (which he does really beautifully most nights). It plays for 20 minutes. If I put it on in the night when he is wide awake, even after a feed, he just screams for the whole 20 minutes. He is already in a big cot, moved when he got too big for the moses basket.

Things are now even worse, he is not going back to sleep even after a feed, or if he does he is waking within minutes and screaming again. This is a bloody nightmare. It is like the newborn phase again but on top of months of sleeplessness.

I'm so tired now I can't function and am sitting here in floods of tears just because of something unrelated and stupid. Painkillers don't help him, so I don't think it is teething pain. I am a bit suspicious it might be separation anxiety but frankly, the longer this goes on the less time I want to spend with him. Am already feeling that emotional distance - he is screaming now but I don't care anymore. He has been doing it all morning and nothing I do helps so why do anything?

Go to the doctors office or baby nursing station. Now.

Get help.

Cry wild tears at the staff, so they realise how awful the situation is.

I've had similar periods, but not so extreme and long in duration.

It feels like a vicious cycle. You are exhausted, and the baby feels it, and gets anxious, and screams, and you get upset and tense, and the baby can't calm down, so you cry, and it never ends.

Well meaning advice to "calm down and the baby will settle" are no use at this point. You need relief. You need help to break this, his habits, and your exhaustion.

Get help. Mum, a friend, social worker, anyone.

I hate to say it but I found that the Star's worst sleep happened after he was weaned and lasted until he was able to have balanced meals. I don't know whether it was the balance or whether by that time his digestion had finally caught up.

Also, rolling. When he could roll onto his front, but not roll back again.

When the two started to coincide, that was not a fun time.

I don't know if either is the problem here, but I agree you need sleep. Could you pack t'Boy off to his grandparets for a couple of weeks so at least you can sleep during the day if and when t'Other naps? Or get them in to do baby sitting while you sleep in the day?

My cousin found that going for endless long walks during the day and in the evening helped soothe her nerves when her baby wouldn't stop crying. I'm not sure it helped to stop the crying, but at least she didn't feel so confined.

And my Granny advocated daytime naps (or time out) in the pram at the bottom of the garden. At times, alledgedly, one could see the pram rocking wildly as junior thrashed about, but at least you couldn't hear him (so well). Under a tree is good, it's like a mobile because it moves and rusles in the wind.

Screaming like that doesn't seem normal. I say a visit to the doctor's is advised.

But more importantly, if you are that detached -- sweetie, that's not good, for either of you. You need sleep, and he needs sleep, and no sleep plus stress is pretty much something that you need to deal with sooner rather than later. That's just ripe for something bad to happen.

Coming on the back of several bad nights, yesterday was a really bad day

Normally, when t'Other's yelling is getting oppressive we go out for a walk somewhere and he either settles to sleep on the move or enjoys the view, or at least doesn't seem so loud. I did this with t'Boy too, must have walked at least 40 miles a week with him. Can't do it as easily now because t'Boy isn't so keen on aimlessly wandering these days, so we have to actually go somewhere.

However, yesterday I couldn't go out because the pest control people were supposed to be coming to get rid of a wasp nest we have in our roof. When I made the appointment the chap said they would come somewhere between 8am and 1pm. I said I had to take t'Boy to nursery at 8 so we agreed 8.30 - 13.00 would be the window. At 8, when we were at nursery, I had a call saying "We're at the property, where are you?" I said I would be back in ten minutes but they wouldn't wait, saying they would go and come back. So I duly sat in and waited, not able to go anywhere, until 13.00 by which time they still hadn't shown up. I rang again and was told they'd be here by 3pm at which point I cancelled and went out - I couldn't have sat there for another two hours!

t'Other isn't sick. He is very like t'Boy in that he is angry, frustrated and bored and needs constant interaction and change to stay happy. And sometimes even that doesn't help. t'Boy cheered up immensely once he could walk...so only another 6months of this...and of course t'Boy would take a bottle so I could have the occasional break from him whereas I can't leave t'Other for more than an hour and a half in case he needs a feed.

Just have to keep reminding myself that this bit isn't forever.

Still. Isn't there anyone who can help you nearby? Just take him for that one hour walk and let you sleep?

Or at the weekend could J take t'Boy out so you can sleep while t'Other naps?

My bro takes the older boy to a gym class on Saturdays (little'un calls it Sportacus class!) so SIL has some time dealing with just the little one.
Now the middle kid goes with daddy too, so it's like a boys morning out! Mum gets to sleep when the baby girl sleeps.

I don't have anything to add, Kelli. But you need to start talking, GPs, HVs, whoever will listen and can help.

A bit further on now and t'Other's pattern has reverted to being up every 1.5 - 2 hours for feeds again, but is at least going back to sleep after the feed. Yesterday I discovered a cup that he will drink out of, which gives the possibility of leaving him with someone else and getting some rest, finally.

J insisted that we have a 'staycation' this year, mainly because he is a miserable sod. That means he isn't at work next week so I'm going to buy some earplugs, set up the spare room, and hopefully have a whole night of unbroken sleep!

If it goes well then hopefully I can get another night off during the week. Fingers crossed...

Woohoo! Good luck!

To be honest, Kelli, I've found that holidays with small children are more stressful than any benefit you get from a change of scenery.

What we sometimes do - and will probably do this year - is make a definite plan for what we do. It means you have to plan, but it also means that you don't fall into the trap of just wasting the days.

I hope the spare room plan works -

Well so far, so predictable. The weather was forecast to be a bit hit and miss yesterday and today, so J went to work. This is why a staycation doesn't work for us - if he thinks things won't be perfect he just cancels it and goes back to the office

Saturday's experiment sort of worked - t'Other didn't drink much from the cup, but to his credit J didn't come and get me. I did wake up when t'Other was really going for it, and J said he was up for 1.5 hours, but mostly I slept from 11pm - 5am which was great. And, since the nights are cooler, t'Other is sleeping better and for the last three nights has woken once between going to bed at 7.15pm and getting up for the day at 5am, he's been up at 1ish for an hour for a really long feed and then gone back to sleep so I feel a bit less narcoleptic today. I think it helps that he is having lots of good protein to eat - I've made batches of lamb casserole and roast chicken stew for him, and if I get time I'll do carrot, lentil, chickpea and cheddar stew today so that I have a freezer full of calorie-dense meals for his dinners.

Let's hope this trend continues...

Hmmmpf for J going to work!

But yay! for proteins keeping t'Other asleep! Maybe he was just hungry some of the times? with this!

J deserves a bit of a slap for that, I'm afraid to say. If that had been I'd have packed the children in the car and pushed off for a few days.

But then - I am never ever at home to Mr Patience or Mr Tolerant of other people.

Btw, any chance of the carrot, lentil, chickpea and cheddar stew recipe? Is it just for babies/children or is it ok for adults?

I didn't get a chance to invent the recipe today Sho I expect it will start with an frying an onion, everything I make generally begins this way, at least two chopped carrots, a couple of biggish handfuls of lentils and a tin of chick peas and simmering it in as little of a no-salt veg stock as I can get away with (I'd use chicken stock for me, but the ready-made ones all have way too much salt for a little baby) until the pulses are soft, then stirring in some* grated mature cheddar until it looks/tastes right, like a thick soup.

I have the advantage that t'Other doesn't know what anything is supposed to taste like

*I've never, ever cooked anything withut several of the ingredients having measurements like "some", or "a bit" or "a dollop but not too much". This is why my baking sucks.

There's an heirloom recipe in our family called lentil sludge that is very much along the lines of throw in two handfuls of...