h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have found that in a group of people sharing a house there is always one person that all the others hate. I think that this person is a very neccessary dynamic to the group, because they unite all the others.

The 'Hatee',or Simon as I like to call them, is the unsung hero of the household and the others, free of the burden of hating each other, can revel in the joys of communal living. The main joy of course being hating Simon.

Simon will usually oblidge by having some very unsavoury habits to fuel the hate, for example never washing up, drinking all your milk or frequently masturbating into an old towel (kept beside the bed and never washed - this sadly is true)

Of course eventually things will come to a head, the washing up will go critical, Simon will drink that little bit too much of your milk or you will dry your hands on an old towel that you find... There will be arguments recriminations, Simon will realise nobody likes him and move out to share a place with some friends and he in turn may find his own Simon to hate, and thus the circle of life continues.

The gist of all this is that if you get on well with your housemates and are looking for an extra person to share, make sure you get somebody you all instantly dislike, otherwise you could end up being the SIMON !!!!

Yes this is the truth. In both the houses I have lived in in the last two years this has been the case.

The surprising thing is that it is often one of the people you would least expect to become the hatee who does so.

The biggest example of this was two years ago when I lived with a girl called, for the puposes of this article, housemate X. She had been the centre of communal living when I lived in halls of residence the year before and the rest of us were united mainly through knowing her and came to the house wary of each other.

However housemate X had undergone a radical programme of change becoming a recluse who took little communal responsibility and invited her strongly disliked new boyfriend to visit regularly.

All of us felt abandoned by our best friend and bonded as a result of it. I even got to like a guy called Kieth who I had had severe doubts about moving in with.

The upshot of all this is I no longer communicate with Housemate X but I had the rest of the household over for a reunion just 2 weeks ago and we are the best friends you could imagine.

I didn't have that problem. My house share was full of lovely people who would happily leave each other alone most of the time. Except the girl who lived in the house next door who shared our kitchen (yes, it's confusing I know). Because we hadn't got a living room, and she'd have to go back into her own house via outside, she used to take over the entire kitchen for hours and hours at a time eating with her other half. And staring gooeyly into each other's eyes & all that. And giving you really evil looks if you dare to walk in to take your clothes out of the washer. Errr, hello? There's 7 other people using this kitchen.

But hey. She was nice most of the rest of the time.