h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Consider this a "create your own planet"...

There is a lush jungle planet covered with palm trees, ferns, moss, and bright blooming planets, the likes which never have been seen on earth, or even by human eyes. It is absolutely silent, and not even a single spec of dirt dares to move. In the middle of a clearing, next to a fallen and decaying tree, there starts a soft humming. Slowly it grows higher and higher in pitch, gradually forming a shape. At first, it's blurry, and the shape can't be identified, but soon it can be seen to be the shape of what looks like an earth lizard. The lizard finally fully forms, and he looks around. A look of relief washes across his face, and he quickly ducks under the decaying log to pull out a little lizard sized map. Taking time to calm himself, he studies the map, and rests.

But he doesn't get a chance to rest long. Not long after he's caught his breath, and his little lizard heart has slowed down to it's regular pulse, another humming starts. This humming is slightly higher lower in key, and as it continues, another lizard shape starts to form. The first lizard jumps up, and runs off to the end of the clearing to hide under a fern plant. As the second lizard finishes taking shape, she looks around slowly, taking in her surroundings.

>>Nilpferd? Where did you get off to now?<< She thinks as she visually scans the clearing. >>Ah-ha! There you are, darling.<< She thinks with glee as she dashes towards the fern plant Nilpferd had taken refuge under.

-=How many times must I tell Lizzie I'm not interested in a mate right now?=- he thinks as he dashes deeper into the jungle. Lizzie takes off in hot pursuit. The clearing quickly sinks back into the silence it had been before the two lizards' arrival.

Risa - of pleasure - slave men and women to do your bidding, your wish is their command. Lush gardens with sweet-smelling grass to romp upon. Plenty of trees to hide behind/in.
Waterfalls around every corner, gently lapping brooks tippling over boulders just large enough to step on, as you cross over the cool refreshing water to the other side, where you can lay upon the cool grass and be fed grapes by your friendly slave.
freshly chilled brought to you with just a snap of your fingers, you laugh as you watch the brightly coloured butterflies dancing among the sweetly-scented flowers.
High in the sky hangs the s 3rd soon to be joined by the secondthen much later, just in time for a threesome, the the largest and closest. Just before the 3rdsets, the dawn will break and the birds will sing and you will head for your bed, all the while your slaves attending to your every whim.

Wow...it's like watching the Discovery Channel....

*waits for the next episode*

Suddenly Nilpferd burst out from the under growth, coming into the humanoid's settlement. He quickly hides under a lawn chair, inside someone's beach bag. Lizzie bursts out from the under growth too late to see where he went. She stops dead at the sight of all the humanoids.

>>Okay, if you want to play hide and seek, we can play... all it means is the more time I spend searching for you, the less time we have together....<< Lizzie starts slowly making her way along the edge of the plants, trying to avoid being noticed, as she was carefully searching for her beloved Nilpferd.

Nilpferd on the other hand settles himself in for a long hide out in this beach bag, and he makes himself comfortable curled up in a towel, next to some nice grape smelling sun block.

then what happened?

Any body want a battle?

hello?

I do

Oh, blimey, where did you come from?

How long have i been sleeping?

*yawns*

?

A whole year

Blimey!

*yawns*

what you holing that kipper for?

Whhaaat *shifty eyes*

lets make the planet a purple planet with lots of cheese trying to attack everyone

arggggggh theres one now *eats the cheese*

How did you know my fave food was ?

*runs off to eat some evil cheese*

You got any crackers?

no but theres some on the next door planet let me go and get them

got the crackers back who eve rknew fighting could be so great eats the gorgonzola that is trying to attack him iwth a pickaxe

Why thank you muchly

*takes crackers*

Watch out for that Brie!!!

It's mine, MINE i tells ya

*runs after evil Brie*

*sees a herd of portsalut passing by*

*runs of towards portsalut*

*starts singing IN THE TUNE OF YOUR BEATIFUL*
I SAW YOU IN THE TESCOS
YOUR TASTE IS PURE
YOURE RICH AND CREAMY
NOT LIKE THE CHEDDER NEXTDOOR
BUT THEN I SAW YOU
YOU GOT ATEN BY ANOTHER MAN
BUT NO ALL HOPE WAS LOST IVE GOT A PLAN

YOUR TASTY YOUR TASTY
YOUR TASTY ITS TRUE
I SAW YOUR PACKET IN A CROWED SHOP
AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO
BECUASE I LOVE YOU PORT-SALUT