h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Alternatively you can spend hours building them a scratching post ou of wood you found in skips, carpet offcuts and screws you 'borrowed' from the bloke in the off licence, expending blood, sweat and tears in the process and the ungrateful little psycho will decide that your leg is a far more desirable surface to scratch.
Not that I'm bitter or anything.

You forgot to say anything about their singing. One of the two species on earth who have invented opera, cats have found a way to make it bearable by coupling it with sex.

Should perhaps the word "World" be changed to "Universe"?
Also something about the strange behavior of sleeping in the middle of the road, and not wishing to move.

You also omitted the important fact about their telepathy. :o)

...not to mention the fact that all cats know the secrets to all the mysteries of the universe...you can tell by the way they look at you...

The reason I did not say that cats are the laziest creatures in the Universe is that I have not been to much of the Univers at all and therefore have not done the proper research.

I apologise for the lack of mention on the telepathic and omniscient nature of cats, but I was being affected by my cat Dirk. They also have some mind control ability as well.

He is trying to assassinate my family. He is a black cat and has chosen to break all of our necks by stretching his ample belly accross either the doorway or the hall, whichever happens to be darker at the time.

So far, he has failed.

^-.-^

It is nice to know I am not the only carer (note that I did not say owner!) for homicidal cats......excuse the "paws", I just had to remove one of mine from the catcus plant that sits on the shelf just above my head!
I have four cats and am in no doubt what the pecking order in this house is (naturally I am at the bottom). Its just as well I live alone as there would be no room for anyone else on the bed at night.

What about the cat sense of humour? Or is it something more sinister - a way of testing their powers of manipulation? Why is it than when you let "your" (can we really own them?) cat out, it wants to come straight back in and when you let it in it wants to go straight back out? Does it want us to get more exercise by getting out of our chairs continually or is it just testing us to see how far we can be pushed until breaking point? What about the other game of howling repeatedly outside on the window ledge to be let in only to look blankly at you and refuse to move once you, yet again, get up? Whether it is humour or something darker, they have us running circles around them just to prove that they are in charge. Maybe in fact they really do own us?

Nah... you're forgetting the mice!

May be its like the mice, they are secretly doing experiments with us. So this could mean,
we arent even the thid most intelligent life form on earth, but may be only fourth. I even guess
that cats are more intelligent than mice, since they hunt them, but then again, this could just as
well be a test from the mice. I guess we will never know, since they are both more intelligent
then humans.
Greets, Tuur

I cannot quote the original lyrics of the song "I love little kitty" for fear of being banished forever from h2g2. However, I would advise anybody who is curious to rent/buy the video "Preaching to the Perverted" - the song is sung at the end just before the titles.

Kitty cats are peculiar beasties in the nicest possible way. Definitively telepathic, they have an even cushier number than the dolphins. All the cats have to do is streeetttccchhh and curl, and let themselves be stroked. We even tolerate bites, scratches, love tokens of excrement and decapitated birds & rodents. If it wasn't for our sofas, hubby & I would be playing butler & cook to three! Warm fuzzy to Bruno, Styx & Gustav - don't poo on the new rug!

Sorry to repost so quickly - but I just wanted to state for the record - Super page, Andara - Congratulations on the rejection of your rejection! Keep it up, I look forward to seeing your next rejected rejection! Vivat amica felidae!

I have to say that I never really thought much about cats until I read a few books by Michael Marshall Smith.
This is a guy (who writes damn good/strange books) who has obviously spent some time with the cats in whatever weird place they go to when we're not looking (probably a side universe filled with the noises of trees falling over when there's no-one around), and having a tremendous time of it.
I see cats in a slightly different light now. Sort of respect mixed with fear.
And at the same time . . . they are cute, right ?