h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Occasionally, when driving down the road I am fortunate enough to see the mangled remains of a cat on the road. This generally gives me a great deal of pleasure but there is a slight sadness there. I always feel a sense of loss that I wasn't the successful driver and have, as my only comfort, the fact that at least it is dead.

Yes, I am a sick person.....that much is obvious, but why people would spend money on owning a cat is quite beyond me.

You are a cruel, sick creature. If you don't like cats, or don't know why people bye them, why do you have to kill them!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I happen to have a cat and she and my rabbit are the pnly reasons I bother waking up. They give me love company, faith, anything good! I'm not a dog person, I don't like dogs, I even hate some breeds, but I am not so devoted to animal cruelty or hate as you and it pains me to see anything from deer to mice dead on the road.

There is a great use for a cat.Personally I think we should declare them the international speedbump.Just imagine signs posted at the side of the road of the silhouette of a cat with a tire going over it.This would bring pleasure to the masses who feel as we do that one of God's Big Mistakes was the cat.I give him complete permission to go back into time and erase the blunder from the food chain.

I think God's mistake was misrable people like you!

I was close to saying that I'm not miserable, however I AM MISERABLE.My daughter has a cat in the house.As cats go it is better than some but I relish the moments when I can briskly whisk it out into the cold.

No! I don't hate cats - they are my living being of choice. Miserable people who hate cats are miserable BECAUSE they hate cats! Cats are demanding, smelly at times, never feel like being cuddled when one has the time - only when one is busy - and LOVE to sit on MISERABLE PEOPLE! But, they are a quiet comfort, their purring is the best tonic in the world, they are able to look right into ones' inner being with their bright, irridescent eyes and always know when it is supper time... which is useful when one forgets that food needs to be provided for the humans in the family as well! SO - MISERABLE ONES, make 2000 the year in which you make yourself available to a cat. It could change your life forever. The saying goes that dogs have owners, but cats have a staff.

I feel profoundly sorry for anyone who could possible keep, much less claim to love such a disgusting, sickening foul evil creation as a cat. These thindgs are the undeniable proof that there is no god, or at least if there is one, it must be a malicious thing to have created Cats.
Oh! I should point out that I am far from miserable, except when I am confronted by one of those (indescribable) cat-people.
Long die the furry speed hump. (and when we run out of cats-lets use their owners!)

You know what? Go to hell .

What ? and spend all eternity with CATS ????!!!!!

This response is indicative of the originality and spontaneity I have come to expect from a cat lover.

Tisk - Tisk! Is there anyone or any creature you cat haters like? I would really like to find some common ground because I believe there MUST be some good in you - no matter how small! Cat lovers are very special people, so join up and become special yourself!! You never know, you may just stop being so darn mean.

In fact , I love animals.I have several Dalmation dogs , two females which one just had 11 puppies and another which is due next week. I love "dumb" dogs.They are loyal and always glad to see me and always act sad when I leave.I have owned cockatiel birds which bred and gave us several hatchlings.These animals have always amazed me by how hardy and protective they were of their own kind.Cats just lose out with me because of their complete arrogance and indifference.They act out on a surface reputation of being clean but they are not.The cat is the rightful snack of the alligators that live in my area.

Oh! you poor,poor people. Do you not realise that if you can walk upright (OK an assumption on my part) If you have less hair than a common dromedary, and you can use a computer, then it is a fair bet that you are human. With me so far? A human being , unless something has gone terribly wrong in its upbringing is supposed to be able to think. SO THINK for crying out loud. You rabbit on about cats and dalmations and oversized budgerigars for christ's sake. What about people? Do people count for nothing? COME ON!!! A cat is a cat. A dog is a dog! A bird is a bird! If you get off on these animals GET HELP!I admit I may be a bit dim, but I went on the 'net' in the belief that I would find people who used their minds. God help me-do you know what disappointment is. I am now changing my signon name to Utterly Disappointed!!

This is the "recreational" section.If you want deep thought, try the other areas on H2G2.

Utterlty Disappointed?? How about Seriously Mean?? There are some of us who enjoy a good banter, and if that includes duelling about our like or dislike of the feline species, that's OK. The good thing is communicating with others, so please, please may we share the 'net with you oh serious one?

I hate a lot of cats, but I'm completely potty about the one that lives with me. He's allergic to everything except chicken, he can't purr and he meiows constantly with this half strangled chicken sound that leads everyone (except me) to detest the sight of him. Even my mother thinks poisen is the best option.

What can I do though. When he sits on my knee and looks up at me with half closed eyes and wrinkles his face at me, I nearly faint with love.
I love the bloody thing.

>Occasionally, when driving down the road I am fortunate enough to see
>the mangled remains of a cat on the road. This generally gives me a
>great deal of pleasure but there is a slight sadness there. I always
>feel a sense of loss that I wasn't the successful driver and have, as
>my only comfort, the fact that at least it is dead.

>Yes, I am a sick person.....that much is obvious, but why people
>would spend money on owning a cat is quite beyond me.

You, sir, are a cock -- a cock whose head I would gladly skewer with a sharp object. Yes, it would bring me great pleasure to wipe your gray matter from my knife as your limp body falls to the ground.

In the meantime, have a wonderful time prancing around your trailer park, drinking whiskey, and having sex with your right hand.

Dear Hoop the Mottle...

You, sir, are a cock. It is indeed unfortunate for you that you must suffer the disabling hindrance of being a cock, but I guess that's what you get for being a cock.

There was a very short moment when reading your message that I believed you may have intended to be sarcastic, and thus, not been a cock. But upon quick reflection, I realised that sarcasm alone is not enough to nullify the undeniable fact that you are a cock.

Cock.

Dear quixotell:

cock.

Actually, it is interesting to note that those who bond easily with cats are those possessing personalities which have a deeper and more readily engageable level of basic animal communication skills...

This sensitivity to primal impulses and emotional empathy are not only the main element in human-cat relationships, but are also the main basis for a successful and skillful sex life.

Humans possessing these qualities not only have more sex partners during their lives, they are reported to have greater skills in pleasing their partners, have more meaningful relationships, and are also proven far less likely to contract adverse mental conditions, or to be susceptible to alcoholism.

So, I guess we can take all of the above proof, regurgitate it, and scientifically say that: "Cat haters are retarded alcoholics who couldn't f**k their way out of a wet paper bag if their pathetic lives depended on it".