h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Chapter 22

The rumbling continued off and on the rest of the day. The helmsman called me into the community center for a planning session. When I got there, Mal Fung Shin showed me a disturbing news story on his laptop. "Uninhabited Volcanic Island Number 115 Due for Major Eruption Within Three Days" was the headline. The story itself contained predictions of tsunamis set off by accompanying earthquakes. Islanders within a thousand miles were advised to move to high ground. Even Hawaii was on high alert.

As captain, I faced the first test of my leadership, and was surprised to find that my crew was more than happy to comply with my orders. "We should set sail as soon as we can," I said, after which we all dropped everything and foraged for pine cones and saplings in the woods around the island.

"If there are tsunamis, there's no way we can far enough away for safety in the few days remaining to us," Mal Fung Shin said as we entered the forest.

"This adventure hasn't been quite what I expected," I confided in Uncle Floyd.

"And you were expecting what?" he said.

"Beautiful native women feeding me grapes and papayas beside a tropical waterfall, or spectacular views from the summit of some mountain peak. Now there's a real chance that I will go out with a big bang, a terminal one! I won't even ever taste those marvelous pizzas you were talking about."

"Relativity pizzas?" Uncle Floyd said.

"Yes, those."

"That restaurant went belly up after three weeks," he said. "Pete Surreal was the extraterrestrial who was in charge, and he was insanely angry at me for some reason..."

"Yeah, he was stuck on this planet because you stole his gadget," I said.

"To be honest, he took it very badly. Soon he was stalking me, looking for revenge," Uncle Floyd admitted in a rare burst of candor. "That's why I began exploring distant lands."

"Do you know what finally became of him?" I wondered.

"With no money and no prospects, he did what any self-respecting alien would do in the late 60s: he formed a rock band. He called it Pete and the Surreals. It was the perfect cover, as he got to travel on tours. He searched for me between gigs. Eventually he disappeared from my radar. I assume his wife used a spare gadget and brought him back to Maht Surreala."

"Mozzarella?" I exclaimed. "What does cheese have to do with it?"

"Maht Surreala is the planet that Pete Surreal came from. The Italians are clever, God knows, but they didn't invent mozzarella. Pete's grandfather brought it to them and they loved it. They just spelled it differently and adjusted the pronunciation."

More cheese lore...

Totally spurious, of course, but it sets things up for a climactic wheelchair race through a busy pizza factory where hairless sheep stand astraddle the conveyor belt and squirt cheese on the pizzas as they pass by. Lots of potential for food-fight imagery: tomato-sauce squirt guns, cheese-squirting sheep udders, etc. Who said science fiction and screwball comedy couldn't be combined?

Certainly not Red Dwarf...

I haven't seen Red Dwarf. But more power to them if they have some crazy comedy. "Dark Star" and "Space Balls" had some, of course. What gets me about a lot of science fiction is its solemnity and ponderousness. Oh, and "Morons From Outer Space" and "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" and "Santa Claus conquers the Martians" were also crazy, though not respected.

If you liked all those, you'd love Red Dwarf. Here's a sampler of comic moments:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVmKeisK2cU

Episodes are also available on Netflix and Youtube - and just yesterday, I saw an interview with Patrick Stewart in which he professed to be a fan. So even the Starship Enterprise crew likes Red Dwarf...

Me, I enjoyed 'Galaxy Quest' a lot.

Red Dwarf is fantastic SF comedy, but if you want to watch let me recommend you start with the opening episode, appropriately named 'The End'

I came in halfway through the first series, and although funny it can be a bit confusing at times.

After you watch the opening it all makes perfect sense, if your mind is just a little warped

F S

My ideal space comedy would be a cross between Galaxy Quest, Red Dwarf and Space Balls.

Chokes on red wine...how can anybody have not seen the dwarf? Unless of course you've been travelling so far out the sheep are hairless!

Or you live in the US and have missed a bit of Public Broadcasting.

F S

[Amy P]

I live in the U.S., and stopped watching TV regularly around 1999. Granted, I've come across videocassettes of "Red Dwarf" in stores, but....

Things that surround you on every side in one country might not even register in another. Robbie Williams is an example. In his native country, he is taken for granted. In the U.S., the stores don't even sell his CDs. Johnny Halliday? Who outside of France has heard of him? Boney M? You'd need to be German in order to know of him. There are Mexican giants who are well-known in Texas, but go a couple states north of Fort Worth, and you'd be hard-pressed to see much recognition of their music.

True, Glenn Gould and Rufus Wainwright are known outside Canada. There are probably some other Canadians who are unknown.

If Shakira hadn't left her native central America to record in the U.S., would she now be a big international pop star?

Very true

What mystifies me is that so few Chinese pop groups have enjoyed international fame. Han Han proved that he could have half a billion fans, but few of them are outside China. of course, he's not primarily a musician. His blog and writings are popular, and he also races cars and does *some* music, but none of these activities has done much for his profile outside his home country.

By all rights, Chinese poop groups should be on the radio pretty much everywhere. I listen to a radio station in Silicon Valley, California, but don't think there are many others that air Chinese pop music.

Sorry, I meant pop groups, not poop groups.

Hehehe

- - -

You are probably familiar with the story about Sixto "Sugarman" Rodriguez, who was a huge star in Australia and South Africa without knowing it himself. Back home in the US and in the rest of the world he was unknown. Until two documentarists made a film about him (which earned them both a Bafta and an Oscar)

How many other musicians are there who deserve the same kind of fame, but never get it? The simple answer is, that we don't know

I saw the documentary. Rodriguez is a true original. He enjoys restoring old houses in Detroit. He once ran for mayor of Detroit. He's very down-to-Earth, not the sort of person you would expect given his growing iconic status as a singer.

I was pretty impressed by him also

I can't say that I found his first album memorable, but the same could be said of most performers[' first albums.