h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Chapter 18

The helmsman eased the ship into the vortex and rode it counter-clockwise until it was about 10 yards from the opening. He then turned the wheel hard to the left, and the momentum of the vortex propelled the ship through the opening.

There was a crunching sound from down below, followed by a tap on my shoulder. It was a crew member who asked me if I had packed any boots. "Yes, of course I packed boots," I said. "Should I be concerned?"

"Not particularly," he said. "The sump pump should be up to the task of keeping most of the water out of the...."

He was interrupted by a much louder crunch and a jolt that almost knocked me off my feet.

"It's a good thing you know how to swim," Uncle Floyd said from the rail where was standing.

"How reassuring that you've kept tabs on my activities," I said darkly.

"Owen, Owen, you should show more gratitude," he said in reproof. "Chances are, we can get the ship to shore before it sinks, and then repair the hull good as new."

"I'm not sure if I can believe anything you say," I retorted. "Interstellar pizza indeed!"

"You're still going on about that?" Uncle Floyd remarked. "I was there on that other planet. I milked the hairless sheep...."

"Hairless sheep?" This time I could not help laughing. "What good are they?"

"They make the best cheese imaginable," he said defensively. "You just squeeze their udders, and cheese comes out. It's perfect as a pizza topping. I'll take you to that planet someday and let you taste it."

"How? You said the wormhole was unreliable."

"Well, I told a tiny fib about that" I raised an eyebrow, but Uncle Floyd continued: "The truth is, I stole the gadget that opened the wormhole."

"A fibber and a thief?" I exclaimed, getting angry.

"Old age and treachery will always beat youth and exuberance," he replied coldly. "You are old enough now to learn treachery, Owen. It may save your life many times over before the Grim Reaper pays a visit to your bedside."

I love to know what the tasted like coming from hairless sheep.

For one thing the risk of getting hair in your should be low

[Amy P]

Cheese is fine but what about making jumpers? Poor aliens must be freezing!

They probably make coats of sheep skin. If the sheep can survive without hair their skin must be perfect for that

Or it's warm there.

Hairless sheep!!

Ewe would say that!

It might be a tropical land. the sheep might be fine. There's a chance that our adventurers will pay a visit to the planet and see it firsthand, though not without a run for their life as the relatives of the pizza mogul stranded in Cambridge chase our heroes through a labyrinthine pizza factory.

I'm afraid I've given away more of the plot than I had planned.

Maybe even more than you knew yourself?

Well, there's still a little bit that I haven't blabbed about yet . I have tomorrow's chapter already written.