h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

how. very. odd. the 'fog' just lifted. just like t that... just... for a while.... and..... - reality is still there. gosh. Its more beautiful than I remember.

Yay for lifted fogs! May they long stay lifted!

Traveller in Time posting on his own account first time in five years
"Happy to hear you are still improving .

Keep up the good ribbons "

yea... you got into your old account it was just a momentary.... total lifting.... but... quite relieved to see reality is therer still.... - TBH: I'd prefer to remain out of teh 'reality' bit, at least for teh next few days... - it can come back again after Thursday's chemo..... hmm.... actually I'm guessing Friday won't be nice.... maybe it can jjust reappear for the weekend its probably best i keep triying to dip back in and out of reality every now and then.... just to ensure I can still.... find it for when its next required, or safe to inhabit once more but... for the meantime.... hiding behind teh chemo-induced brain fog, and chemo-fatigue brain muddyness and exaustion, seems sensible.... its kinda like subspace sometimes.... well... the way I make it work it is ,blush> and.... who'd have thumnk it was possible to get some real sort of ... 'use' from BDSM but... probably inhabiting subpsace as a perminant fixture is a little unhealthy, even if it is nice to be able to not feel stuff like needles and nurses who can't stab my port correctly My pain .... processing/tollereance is gona be so by the end of chemo....

Going to play.... or try play guitar a while, then I've a bedroom floor to sweep, a bath to clean, a kitchen to sweep, and maybe mop, and almost certaionly another dozen cups of jasmine or green tea to drink Starting to ffeel the exaustions/fatigue settle back in, after its brief hiatus then, for half an hour or so goan have to take a sleeping tablet tongiht I think; just to try reset my body clock a bit, if nothing else, or getting up 7 AM for chemo, Thursday, to go get the bus to hospital will be... well, basically pointless, I'll jsut stay up all night instead, and I've already done chemo once with no sleep at all for the preceding 70 or 80 hours, and that, was.... a little surreal even by my standards now... must find a tuning fork and tune this guitar first I guess....

forthy minutes plus, playing guitar.... that's the longest I've concentrated on any signle activity for like.... so long fingers arn't as rubbish as I'd feared.... but. gosh. I need some practise... my arms... my hands... ouch! I think... maybe... just maybe.... there's ... not muscle muscle left in those there arms/fingers right.... time for then hosuework

all the way up........ ..... and all the way down....

OK. thought I'd get on.... get the bits of housework I was thinking about doing done.......

Stuck on some suitably unsutable music..... a sort of goth metal punk band thing..... suitably high energy.... to match my .... non energy and... of course, to make me move about in the high energy way innit..



ed my way about the bedroom, tidying, making the bed, sloughing off hair from the duvet, etc,
then dusted,
swept,
gathered up the supprisingly large giant balls of my own head hair and put them into the bin, nearly overflowing with.... my hair

then, donned a pair of surgical gloves, got a disposable cloth, and moved into the bathroom, still with the music on


cleaned the bath... tiles round, side of the bath, basin, pedastil, outside of the loo, tiles at the back, and the sides of the bathroom unit thinggy... and.......

was so* damn close I think.... to just passing out
luckily just had time to remove surgical gloves, washe hands properly, turn off the music, get downstairs, and scofff a choc bar, and get a drink of water, and sit down

Hmm..... well... it kinda felt like I was nearly fainting/passing out

Must mention that to the consultant....
think I'm also getting some shortness of breath/anemia, which could just be anemia, but may be the nasty B in ABVD; Bleosine (sp?) it really does nasty things, apparently to ones lungs.... its also the one that increases lifeelong risk of lung cancer, and heart disease.... and can cause lung fibrosis; they keep X-raying my lungs, periodically, in oncology, to check its not doing too much damage; some patients have to stop recieving it, if they're particularly prone to its affects especially on the lungs.... -- bit worried about that; I've already had to drop the V (vinblastin; was causing the losss of sensation (perlipheral neuropathy) in my fingers) - bit worried, if I lose teh B as well.... then ABVD, gets down to AD chemo... and I doubt they'd wanna think it was worth continueing with it, which is a pity, just a few infusions from the end and, not sure how that'd affect overall treatemnt....

Mind, they did actually X-ray my lulgs/chest last Thursday, when I was in with the suspected infection, so they've got that recent X-ray already But of course can quickly pop to the very cute young man in X-ray this Thursday in clinic, if needs be, after seeing the Adorable Tracy my consultant (one who called me a drama queen)


Right. another cuppa tea, oughta be brewed, shall have that, then I'll mop the kitchen and utility room, and... then... dunno.... maybe mop upstairs again.... if.... I can be bothered
-
asides anything trying to get a little ahead on cleaning whilst I can... I've a horrible suspescion that , after Thursdays infusion I'll be err.... quite ed up basically of course... I may not

gosh... bit later than I thought now... maybe just mop the kitchen/utility room, that'll have to do I think

Perhaps it might be worth investing in a packet of Lucozade sweets to keep about your person? Pop a couple if you feel your blood sugar levels dropping to boost you back up until you can eat properly.

Deb

Since I took the libertity to buy myself a new, leather sylish, handbag; I've always got a couple snickers bars in it! they seem to do the trick rather well! Mind, I also seem to ahve an hair brush, cuticle oil pen, coco butter moisturiser, coco lip balm/butter, headphones, MP3 player, bluetoothkeybaord, nailfile and.... way tooo much crap in it!

Sounds like a proper to me

Deb

Its missing a few essentials; yeh, I wanna have all me girlyl stuff in it... nail file, hairbrush, cuticle oil pen, lip butter, coco butter, you know... the stuff I just can't live without plus medications now of course! and me headphones and MP3, but..... I don't like to be........ singular in my .... anything.... so, I'm thinking I need to get me a decent, small multipurpose toolkit too... allenkeys, screwdriver.... etc...

Just about to pack the zopiclone, sleepin tablets.... so I can give them to the hospital to distroye.... they are horrible.... took two last night,, didn't sleep well... and... today... I got all panicy, anxious, a bit paranoid...... - took me a while... then I got some 'strange' feeling in my brain, that I recognised, from wehn I'd taken the xopi last night, so I knew it was them, making me..... really quite not well....

OOps! had to apologise to W.... I was.... a bit horrible to him earlier when I got all panicy

so... must get set now for tomorrow, final few thigns to pack, and do.... we've just had dinner, and I must shower now, as I won't have time in the morning before we have to get the bus to hospital (yeh, right, apparently one is ment to totally not ever at all use public transport if your on chemo, with a knackered immune system; so, just how is one ment to get to the shoptal? ) may walk home from hosptal, depending what time it finishes, and how I'm feeling,a nd what the weather is doing.... or get a cab; theres a supermarket in the bottom of the hospital, so often we'll do a fairly sized shop after chemo, and then get a cab back right... must go shower.... can't be all dirty and smelly and things... err.... especially given some of the ..... parts my consultant may have to .... 'examine' in the mroning

oo... canny recall If I menitoned; got the new ribbon, to add, for chemo 6 tomorrow, an orange one I'll put that in, and tie the bow, whilst I'm being infused I think

Cool old Guy on his head
"Have a good day tomorrow, not too much waiting and some kind

Find a firring ribbon and wear them with pride "

I might even ask a nurse to attach the new orange ribbon for me!; especially if the really* butch, matcho p patently hetrosexual nurse, is there, the rugby playing one, who was there, a couple tiems ago... he was a laugh; we were comparing music gigs we'd been too; and, for a nurse working in an oncology unit; when he got ready to finish his shift, was putting his gear on; he put on a hoodie.... and pulled teh hood down.... and asked us for our opion; skull and crossbones! so.... exactly what one would expect an oncology nurse not to wear... we liked him matthew.... (yeh, took that llng for my brain to finally recall his name )

All set.

earlier...... slight of the day all done with now.


Chemo girl. is ready. and she takes no prisoners.... she just.... chats up all the nurses, and sends them into fits of giggles... and laughs when the nurses fail for the forth, or fifth apttempt to put a needle into her chest - I'm starrtging to really freak the nurses out with my not feeling pain thing - I've got my chain mail ready to don, I'm still in 'my' collar, and I've got my ribbons in my hair. I've even, already got my chainmail slave anklet, wtih teh bells on

Afterall, death is but a side affect. (so my consultant says) anyhow. I'm imortal.

Taking no prisoners tomorrow; I'm gona get each and every nurse into fits of hysterics, one way or another and, err..... judging by some of the questions, and concerneds I've got, to raise with my consultant; if she fails to have a giggling fit, I'll be mightilyl supprised.... or, at the very least, tell me I'm a 'drama queen' ... again

and..... if weather is good.... fish n chips for lunch!

To insanity and beyond.