h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The things have been getting more complicated of late, I notice. Anyway, here's mine :

1) Light pollution - you can't see the stars at night because lamp-posts are in the way.
2) Excessive gold jewellery - most notable in Glasgow, where teenage girls seem to think it's attractive to wear a chain with a six-inch gold-plated name pendant on it, along with several other thick gold chains, several gold bangles (square ones are increasing popular), and three sets of gold hoop earrings (preferably creole, but as long as they've got a least an inch radius then it doesn't matter), and a ring which goes across three fingers, usually saying either 'Celtic' or 'Rangers'.
3) Musical purists/casuals - equally bad as each other, these lots.The purists are the ones who say things like 'Anyone who's just started liking JJ72 now isn't a true fan, you should have been at their first gig two and a half years ago blah blah blah'. I do feel some empathy for them, however, because the casuals are the ones who get them like that. They say things like 'Oh my God, I love 3 Colours Red, they were just the best band, I love them so much, it's such a shame they only released one album.' Grr grr, 3 Colous Red released two albums you idiot!
4) Incorrect spelling/grammar/punctuation on graffiti - come on, if you're going to inscribe something on a wall for years to come then you want to at least spell it correctly! Also, shops etc. with incorrect punctuation, ie. Read's and Weed's. Those needless apostrophes creep in everywhere, don't they? My Latin teacher Mrs Garvie taught me to hate this.
5) Faux Greek/Roman garden ornaments - urns and the like. My mother loves these. They look like an ordinary white plastic urn that someone's sprayed with pink, pale yellow and pale blue paint using a toothbrush.

Ok, so maybe there's six things instead of five...

6) The way Goths are represented on tv - they only ever like Marilyn Manson (there's still debate over whether he is Goth or not), hate everyone and everything and hang about in graveyards. Hello! That is not true Goth!

Sorry, had to let that out.
Luv Your Friend the Good Angel xxx

Comments/Arguments etc.

1)Light pollution. Hard to think how to argue in favour of this really. However lets try. If you didn't have light pollution people would stand around looking at the sky in wonder instead of getting a proper day's (night's) work done.

2)Excessive Gold Jewely. Hmm, if we banished that to room 101 the world's gold market would collapse bringing about economic turmoil and leading to the BBC switching of H2G2. Plus all those girls in Glasgow you refer to would lose their sense of balance and fall over now they haven't got the extra ballast.

3) Musical purists/casualists. If I put both these groups in then presumably almost no one who likes music would be outside.

4) Incorrect Spelling on graffiti. If I'm going to put something on H2G2 for years to come I should atleast spell it korractly.

5) Faux Greek/Roman garden ornaments. Could go in, but surely garden gnomes are a more deserving case.

6)The way Goths are represented on tv. So what is "True Goth"?

So nothing in yet, but some good candidates which I can be convinced about.

Z