h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have tried looking for a towel, only The Guy In Green [yeah, I've met him too!] sold me one, and he said it was a 1st class one!
Hmmmm.....
Bable fish still doesn't translate Spanish though!

Does the Guy in Green sell good towels? I could do with a decent one - I'm retiring my old blue and white stripey one. Oh yes, and does he do mail order?

I'm new to hitchhiking, but I have a lovely towel which I think will serve me well. My problems revolve around getting hold of a thumb. Anyone got a spare or know where I can get one cheap?

Also required - 1 spacefaring timetable for the area around the crab nebula

You can get almost all of your Galaxy hopping needs from The Guy In Green. But as Protagonist said, "Don't buy a bable fish from him!"

The Guild has also requested that if any space traveller comes across a fellow hitchhiker using a towel not made under the strict manufacturing rules of the Galactic Clothing and Material Guild, but who, when questioned on this matter, states that he/she/it purchased the so called 'towel' from a deity (who shall remain nameless), the space traveller should notify the correct authorities immediatly. This is because these fake towels are a direct violation of the Guild's Health and Safety requirements, and are also made by making small fury creatures from Alpha Centauri work in the most appauling conditions.

The Guild wishes to warn all hitchhikers in the galaxy to be wary of pick-pocketing thieves who appear to be normal travellers, but may have lost their own towel through drinking too many pan galactic gargle blasters.

Loosing towels is a serious offence. I mean the Towel Gods just don't forgive that kind of thing.
Which isn't to say that they won't bother to pester you. Infact they quite enjoy pestering poor interstellar hitch-hikers who have lost their towels.
All right, who took my towel. Come on. Somebody fess up... Oh I had it tied around my waste. Nevermind.

I'm kinda new here so I am in dire need of both a Bablefish and a towel.
Does anyone know a place where I can find these items wholesale?

See the Guy in Green straight away, fellow Hiker. He's just sold me the best towel ever (purple with orange polka dots) at half price and a full five million year guarantee! Oh, and he added a rare Eroticon dialect to my Babel fish's vocabulary!

I believe there may be a towel snatcher loose in my house. Except it doesn't do me the service of merely stealing my towels. No. Somehow it manages to sneak into my cupboards, and actually USES my towels, turning them into dirty laundry, thus rendering them useless for intergalactic flight, and also keeping me chained to my washing machine.

You should never drink more than two pangalactic gargleblasters unless you are a 30 ton megga elephant
bronchial pneumonia. But if you have lost your towel then I think you should try two and a half.
But remember that ol' janx spirit song........
p.s you could always buy a new towel from your local intergalagtic branch of Marks and Spencers

Is this turning into some kind of towel-confession chat-show? I for one, have my towel right here with me, and I am greatly suprised by the number of almost-but-not-quite hoopy froods out there who haven't got theirs with them!
And the Guy In Green has set up camp outside my house demanding his rights or something like that after I sued him for selling me a faulty bable-fish!
Does anyone know how to get rid of him??!!!!
Oh, and a line of extremely dodgy second hand towels are now avalible from Mish Enterprises, in several different shades of mouldy green- If anyone's interested.

I've gone right off this towel.

Just as Biros will make their way to a special planet where they can live a biroid lifestyle, so will towels if they feel they are not being looked afer properly. This means you should look after your towel better in the future.

After much researching and determining the velocity at which any humanoid can hurl a rock, I have concluded that in order to get rid of The Guy in Green you must do this.
First find your self a rock. Then get some rope and tie your legs together. After that run... well, hop... out onto your lawn. Hop around him and his camp brandishing the rock and screaming in tounges.
This should definitely make him think you're insane and he will run away... fast.

Try it and let us know if it works, Mish!

I am in the overhead bin. Wher you bin?

Indeed I do - singing is one of the few ways of ensuring modesty when without towel of course. Anyway why do you ask ?

Errr.......
Didn't work Xaris!
Hey, does anyone else know how to get rid of him?
He's just invited himself in for a cup of tea!
I think I may have a permenant house-guest!
HELP!!!!!!!!

To rid oneself of "The Guy in Green", you must wait until he is seated on a sofa, sipping his tea. In mid sip, place your elbow into his ribs and repeat the following... " And how about your wife, I bet she is a goer... wink wink... nudge nudge... say no more". If he does not leave, his suit may turn greenish brown (mostly harmless tea stain) and could become irritable

The Guy in Green will leave if you tell him you work for the Guide and that if he doesn't you will reveal certain things about his mother.