h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Look, I've told you you can use my spare towel!!!!
And my Bable Fish doesn't speak Spanish!!!!-
Could it be that there is a violent Bable-fish disease going round that stops the automatic feed-back input/output thingy-me-bob for working properly?
I shall have to go and find a qualified Intergallactic-vet immediately!
If anyone knows/is an intergalactic vet, then HELP ME!!!!!!

Have you seen Lister anywhere?
I've been trying to find him, cause I made a bet with him that he couldn't drink a yard of Vindaloo, and apparently he can, so I owe him a coulple of beers!

I have a similar problem in that my bable fish
only speeks Portuguese. Do you know what it's
like watching 'Charles in Charge' in Portuguese?

Well, at least I've learned something from this.
I will never by a babel fish from a man in a green,
silk suit.

Not that I have anything against green, or silk
for that matter.

There's this guy that work at Bable Fish 'n' Chips on the lower east side of Beta Gamma 7553. He says if you come to him he can sell you a Bable-dable-thingy-wa-noo-noo that you attach to the Bable fishes third rib that should make it think that it is speaking your language. Which in turn allows you to hear the correct language that you speak. If that doesn't work, get to the highest point in the room and drop the bable on the kanocker.

I may have found the towel you're all looking for!! I found this towel drapped over my shower cubical which smelt alittle (which can be forgiven bearing in mind the vast distance it has traveled), so I've washed it. Was that the right thing to do?!?!?

Thats the guy in the green suit!!!

I lost my towel once.......but turned out I left it in a dimension which manifests behind the common refridgerator..........
i would have gone in after it but some passing creature which bore some semplance to the cheese sandwich I dropped last week was kind enough to give it back.

You've been behind the refrigerator? wow, I've only head about fridge suck via the urban legend that if you lose somethng then it's bound to be under/behind the fridge, hence fridge suck.

Yeah ,my fridge sucks so hard it absorbs light

Gargle gargle howl gargle howl garg-!!

Oh wait, you said English.

You could try babelfish.altavista.com, even if it is an inferior clone. Don't use it for any diplomatic missions- instead of saying "I accept your proposal, may peice shine forever" you may end up saying "I accept that you are a peice of metal shavings, and may a hippo sit on your kids until you become smart, which won't be for a long time" due to the magnificient translation errors.

Plenty of free towels at any good hotel, you don't even have to enter the premises, some tourist take their towels out and cover up the sun loungers by the pool in the middle of the night, borrow one of those, they wont mind.

Don't Panic
I have many towels with me and will lend you one. I think my bable fish is drunk ( either that or all other languages have become slurred).
Does anyone know where I can get a new one.

Have You tried getting a new one. They do a nice line in Galaxy class towels at
TOWELS ARE US on Ersa Minor

Oh no! So that's why he had that shifty look in his eye. Hmmmm... I wonder if I should be worried? Nah. Oh well.

I have your towel
It will be returned to you forthwith on delivery of 12million Earth pounds and a pan galactic gargle blaster

Ha Ha Ha (*manic evil laugh*)

I have your towel and am taking good care of it. I am walking it, and feeding it, and i gave it a bath earlier on. It's a messy scoundrel when it wants to be, though. If you want it back i will need some proof that it is your towel. Receipts, birth certificates anything at all that proves it is your towel.

If anyone was interested, which they're probably not, they could always ask me where their towels are. Mind you, no-one is ever interested in what I have to say, so I'll just go and boil all the diodes in my left side to stop them aching. Oh, it didn't work. Damn

Why are towels always made of towelling? I find this very uncomfortable on my baby-soft... might I recommend a universal change to towel manufacturers across the galaxy: velvet perhaps?

Yes, but if you use velvet you can never travel to Jaloeiru 2 because of the Snarfle Lickers, velvet is a aphrodisiac to their species. That would not be a pretty site. ugh!

Ah, but if you get the right towel, then all your problems are solved. Has anyone actually looked around for a decent one?