h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Though not actually a newcomer, i've been otherwise engaged for months.
Can I be pseudo-new? Who's the 'Big Cheese' these days? Who's pulling
all the strings? What's this about dating agency, it would have never happened
in my day?

* A balding, cross-eyed man turns up wearing a kimono bearing a loofer & a towel. You can see that he has gone to quite considerable trouble of slicking back his matted greasy hair, putting in his 'Sunday Best' false teeth & and has even had the forest of back hair shaved...!!! *

Oh good, the stunning Abi is around...

* leering *

As I am here to do Peta's Massage, I was wondering if I might be of service to you...!!!

ermmmm do you mind awfully if I pass.

*panics* Where is Matthew K when I need him

* Poor old Gerald head drops as he turns to walk away. It hasn't been a good day, within minutes of finding his two true paramours, he has been spurned by them both. This mere weeks after getting over the heartache of Shazz being in love with another... *

* He walks grimly off, even so slowly, hoping in vain to illicit some kind of worthwhile pity... *

*calls after him*

Its not working!!

Hi, it's me again. That was embarassing before. I'm not exactly sure what this conversation is all about so I'm gonna say some useless stuff. I didn't get to come here yesterday cos I go to a boarding school and all the computers were being used, so I didn't even get to use my e-mail (sob, sob) (meaning cries) If someone wants to say anything then say something, if you don't then don't. Sorry, but I just loove stating the obvious. I hate the school computers, this one won't show me any pictures, not even the cute little fishes. Don't tell me the plural of fish is fish, I think fishes sounds better.

it is definitely fishes

*double-trouble comes trotting in and looks piercingly at Abi*

Just what do you mean by that comment madam?

Did you not red my lovely long message?

I read it. 'twas fine. We all hit the reply button in the wrong place at some point!

I should just point out that the last posting was aimed at Shergar!!