h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Phillipa, Mari-rae's useful niece, arrives at the door of the Inn. She is carrying a large basket that is filled with assortedd chocolates, packets of tea and digestive biscuits, bath salts, scented candles, coupons for the Village Shops, ever so nice stationary, and a note that says 'Welcome' written in shaky, but legible calligraphy.*

Hello, Pheroneous. Welcome to the Village.

Welcome, welcome, young lady. Come in, come in. How sweet, let me take that. **snatches basket** Come this way **places 'protective' arm round shoulder of sweet young thing** Come this way. You need to see the committee, in the 'Middle Age Division', up those stairs. **Waits as young lady ascends, eyes glued firmly on her rear end, dribbles slightly**

[Phillipa]

*Goes up the stairs, wondering what that sort of musty smell is.*

**slipping out of cellar, surprised to see Phillipa asleep at top of stairs**

Hey, groovy chick, Hi! (**strokes hair - with nicotine stained fingers - to wake her**) If you're wanting the committee you need to go in, they are in there, 'Middle Age Division'.

If its something else you need, man, I'm cool. Come with me.

[Phillipa]

*Wakes up, apologizing profusely.*

I'm so sorry! Erm, yes. I'll just pop in to say welcome to the neighborhood to them, if that's all right.

*She enters the Middle Age Division and greets the committee.*

Hello! I'm Phillipa. Its nice to see you all. Your Inn is very quiet, if you'd like I can make a few calls and bring in some people to liven things up a bit. Welcome to the Village!

Yes very good young philly, but you are still talking to yourself. You actually have to go to the 'middle age division' thread, then all the strange people therein, will hear you! (Or you can venture into one of the bars if you are brave enough.

Any recruiting would be very welcome. Thanks.

Ooops! (really blushing now!) ok! going!

Is there any chance of getting a drink round here or is there a comity for that to

Hi nice to meet you by the way

(Hsst, St Bob, look to your left and pick a room! Phillipa is in with the Middle Agers atm.)

what the with knights and everything Ime going there

*teleports in*
Bit quiet?
*looks for confortable chair*

I can't imagine you are looking for action! But, if you want some company you need to find your way into one of the rooms. The MAD division is the Committee room, and then you have the not very exciting saloon, the somewhat overlooked callar, and the best forgotten snug to choose from.

No, actually I like this peaceful atmosphere, other conversations are moving much faster and I don't have enough time to reply them.
Uh, it's so cold in here that I can barely write. This remembers one of the old computers which only worked properly in cellar which had lower temperature.
Okay, I hope that the shower hasn't frozen.

Curses. We have forgotten all about the plumbing! I remember we got some toilets installed, after much deliberation, but thats about it. I shall investigate and revert. The ideal bathroom seems to be beautifully described in Guide Entry called "British Hotel Plumbing" or somesuch (http://www.h2g2.com/A338960) See if that suits.

Not a plumbing problem. Just the coldness of the morning.

**stops by with fringed tartan blanket, which he chucks at the prone peer, muttering something about "Come the Revolution..."**

In loo of toilets there is always the great outdoors, plenty of bushes left to accomodate prone peers. Watch out for squatters.

Toilets we have. The ladies is especially good, with a rather nice young man to attend to their towels. Its bathrooms we lack. We weren't anticipating overnight stays. Ah, but I see from your appearance that such facilities are not of interest, and haven't been for some years, I would guess.

Hmm... What about sauna?

Yes has been mentioned, especially by the men, when that young Phillipa was around! Maybe that industrious garden explorer will find one on his travels.