h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ah, vertical integration! And here's me thinking horizontally as purr usual.

Try being lateral instead of literal dear

*stands on tippy toes on top of 17 volume pile of OED's to reach a dusty corner of the top shelf*

Here, what's 'is ..? The Last Will and Testament of ...omigod!

...bequeath to all Boring Old Farts and Boring Old Geezers all title to the BOF INN, its Library and all others fixtures fittings and furniture... so long as they wish to enjoy Free Speech, Freedom of Expression and Religion and keep Holy the Right to Think, Feel and Amuse in any manner whatsoever...

Damn. This is Great! Now, first we'll need to set up a Committee...

**A draught from a slightly open window causes a piece of paper to waft down to the floor. It appears, unlike anything else in this room, to be new. It is a note, unsigned. P picks it up and reads aloud**

Reasons I am secretly planning to blow up the BOFInn:-

1) Because I can
2) Because no substantial buildings on h2g2 have been blown up recently
3) Because it gives me something to do
4) Because the bang might make people jump
5) Because it is little frequented any more and its time we used the land for something else. Like building a castle, or something. (So I can rescue damsels in distress)
6) Because a mysterious hole to the centre of the earth has appeared in the cellar and appears to be getting larger, and if I blow up the building, then the rubble will fill the hole, the village and the rest of h2g2 will be saved and I will be a hero!

*Munchkin looks mildly disturbed in his sleep*
It is so occupied, just not often in a talking capacity *he mutters in his sleep*

Is this what's known as a blow-up job?

No, they only appear in "specialist" men's magazines, err ... so I'm told. This is just plain bad beaviour, and I shal be writing to my MP just as soon as I know who they are!

Who? The bombers or the MPs? Or are they analogous?

Bad beavers eh?? Sounds good to me!

Beavers..eh? Should be on the second shelf there between Beatniks and Beawulfs. No wait there'll be a section of Beauties there too. Yeah between Beauties and Beawulfs.
Where's our Librarian gotten too? *glares at Pheroneous suspiciously* Any ideas...?

Moi?? I know nothing. I wasn't there. I didn't do it.

Egads. I been all round the houses looking for that lighthouse lady and I can't find the room. I could probably locate any book in the Library and have names for all 41 mice but can I get back to that room with the lady lighthouse ..i'm lost I tells ya, lost! Too many Committees! Bad enough I'm the only one wants to mow the grass or keep the grounds tidy but now I'm filling in for the Librarian ..oh I'm outa breath from humping up and down the Cellar. Think I'll just pass out here in the big comfy leather armchair and pretend I'm readin ....zzz..ZZZ..zzz (the pages to Great Expectations turn with each inhalation).

**Snaps large book shut next to jwf's ear*

Lighthouses are almost always kept in the cellar old chap.

[fades into existance]
[looks around]
Oh, I seem to be in a library.

Yes, it would be all these books that gave it away.

Yes and we are open to discussing any of the great and not so great works of Literature.
Our first discussion 'worst interpretation of a book by film-makers' still has lots of scope.. we have drifted somewhat.. but it's an ongoing theme.
Or feel free to start another.

I am quite concerned that so many people refer to 'Catch 22' situations, but I believe most people haven't read the book, or even know what the original Catch 22 situation was!

Oooh! Is that today's Financial Times...may I?

One odd one, within living memory, to keep to the subject, was from the book called Miss Smilla's Feeling For Snow. The book, at least the first two-thirds of the book, was quite remarkable, if not astonishing, at least to me. It told us a lot about Denmark and Greenland, and quite a bit about snow, plus, of course, a great deal about Miss Smilla. I suspect however that the author, or his publisher, suddenly thought they would go for film rights and stuck a rather far-fetched plot on top and at the end. If that was the reasoning, it worked, for they sold the film rights. The film, however, concentrated on the silly plot, and forgot all about Miss Smilla, even, for unknown reasons, dropping the Miss. A very poor film which had a very limited release here, even after being based on a best-seller, and went pretty well straight to video and TV.

Catch 22 ..yes. A good book. It's right here between 'Catbird Seats to Make and Enjoy' and 'Catcher In The Rye' ...or it should be. Hey, somebody stole our last copy of Catch 22! Now we'll have to watch the movie. Which was a good 'movie' in its own right, with some good actors and some big-name actors, and lots of difficult (for the time) aircraft recreations. It even stuck pretty much to the characters and events of the book, as much as it could in the time allowed. It certainly homed in on the title, and made 'catch-22' a household catch-phrase. But you're right, it has become a catch-all catch-phrase and most don't appreciate its literary origins. Popularity versus understanding - a real catch 22. Some people claim the same sort of thing happened to Miss Smilla's Feeling For Snow - but we don't have a copy of that so you'll have to take my word for it. They do, they really do.

Lord of the Rings.
The film didn't make any sense at all.
Neither did Dune.

Ah-ah-ah-ah-CHOOOOOOO.
Oh dear. I thought at least a library would be pollen-free.

Oh? I never had any trouble understanding what happened in Dune - what bits confused you?

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