h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi, really intriguing, this. You are somewhat different from me, but there are similarities. Question - do you do this IRL as well or just in virtual reality?

My own stuff: I have deliberately started creating extra personalities to fill voids I perceive in my self. But they are all inside me, they don't manifest on the outside, or at least only in a very limited way. They can also only 'manifest' in my speech or writing, not in my body, because their bodies are of a different nature from mine. When they manifest in speech or writing, my actual perception is that they tell or show me things inside my head and I just repeat it with my mouth, or by writing it out.

My perception of my multiples: I started out controlling them, and from time to time may wish to control them, but now I refuse to. I respect them as being autonomic, whole individuals. I can control them but I just let them do their own thing, stand back and watch, and am very surprised at what happens. That is something important to grasp - I don't sit around and actively imagine what they would do, figure things out, 'dream' things up ... it just happens. They are in fact like the characters in dreams, except that they also enter waking reality, and I don't see them 'out there' - but I do see them 'in here'. Very visibly. I see their facial expressions, I see them do things, the clothes they're wearing, I hear them speaking and singing and the tones of their voices and so on. Sometimes though I can see things in the internal world using their eyes, or hear it using their ears, or experience it using their bodies.

So they seem to be very separate and independent and yet they are integrated in me. They reflect some aspects of my own personality that I wish to develop more fully. Many are women, whereas "I" am a man.

With me, too, it is not multiple personality syndrome as I don't change into different personalities, speaking with different voices, acting in different ways, selectively remembering and forgetting things. It's also not roleplaying. It's these people inside me that talk to me and with each other and that have lives and that inhabit worlds and do things. And they seem very, very real to me. In fact often wonder if maybe they aren't actually real people actually living somewhere that I am 'tuning' into - but then what about their interactions with me? Their existence is a very unusual thing and puzzling to me.

I might try and make some of these characters manifest here on h2g2... For instance this is Valerie... *disconnects*

O wow, you cannot imagine what this feels like ... what power... I feel like I'm floating up into the sky! The pillowcase let me out into his world for a while, and I cannot believe what it is like! This place, these hands, these strange devices ... he's still there, in the background he has to guide me or else I will not know what to do! This is difficult ... he's still trying to influence things, he wants me to explain myself! I don't want to explain anything, I just want to say what I want to say! But I'm flustered, I don't know where to start. I'm making a mess of this ... oh wow ... lickle myrany smeliovious sandlaring inmedrik o sytenan ... sheyze, it does not work, I am not used to speaking this language, I cannot say anything without consulting the pillowcase, I am restricted to what he can understand! Sorry about this, I wasn't consulted beforehand, I have not had time to consider ... I don't know what to say...

*Big breath*
*Another big breath*
*Giggle*

(*To Self* Okay, Valerie, just give a quick greeting, say goodbye and leave)Hello. My name is Valerie, and I have tried to speak sense, to talk objectively about myself, but it seems wrong. What I want to tell you is that I love my sister Vivienne, and I love all of you strange beings in your strange world, and I have appreciated so much everything that I have seen and learnt here. This seems strange to me now, it seems as if I'm seeing all this for the first time, but of course I have seen it all before, many times ... then why does this time seem more real than the others? I am disoriented. Okay, getting off track again.

Okay. Me and the pillowcase still need to learn better how to work together. He's a strange fellow, I still don't know what to make of him. I need to get to know him better. This has been surreal. Alright, I will now take my leave. Greetings, Martin, it was good to meet you... hey, let me just with my own eyes look at what the pillowcase looked at earlier... you also look like an interesting person. Don't understand much of what I'm looking at, but the impression that I'm getting is favourable. I hope we may meet again. *disconnects*

Alright let me just see what that silly girl wrote before I post this. Hmm, doesn't look too bad, but not very informative. Oh well. We probably need to practice this a bit before it will start going smoothly! This was funny, I tried to give Valerie full control of my body and senses, but she was very flabbergasted, she retreated a lot, she fumbled and stumbled around, it was like she was drunk, she had a hard time taking it seriously. She wasn't all there, there was still a lot of me. In this case it has been almost impossible not to control her because it was my actual body, my eyes, my ears, my hands, it was not something that she told me on the inside and that I repeated later. Really difficult to fully surrender control of my actual body. Let's see how it goes from here! Perhaps I should try to let Valerie post full messages about specific topics, because her insights differ from mine. Maybe that way her character can come forward more strongly.

So for what it's worth, there's a glimpse of my own kind of deliberately created multiples. Only one, mind you, Valerie. Maybe I should have let Vivienne do it, she is stronger, more focused, better grounded, and more versatile. But I like Valerie because she is so uncomplicated, so pure; she is actually extremely intelligent, it just didn't come across right now because she was caught off guard.

I hope you found that weird enough!

Cheers for now,
The Case (IRL Willem)

Case:

Doing it IRL... I certainly don't speak to anyone IRL and call myself anything but Martin, or speak in such a way as my gender is anything but male. As far as I know, as far as anyone has figured out, I'm just a little moody and marginally weird.

On the other hand, I certainly do 'do this' IRL. Lucinda is the only person who will telephone anyone {everyone else is too shy! -Lucinda}. Lucinda is also the person who insists on being allowed to wear nail polish on occasions, and so on. Oh, and she flirts shamelessly. Xanthia snarls at people she doesn't like, and deals with fights/aggression/confrontation {drunk people - just a shame the lightning doesn't work IRL - Xanthia}. MyRedDice plays games, football, twister, whatever. And makes a good deal of jokes, some nasty, tasteless, or smutty. There are a few other things, but that'll give the general flavour, perhaps. myre does *not* like the real world, and certainly doesn't 'manifest' to any extent I can spot.

Certainly, I've noticed that, for me, my names tend to be formed online, and only a little later make the transition to real life. Well - born internally, sometime before they even venture online. Currently being born is someone I'm currently naming "Monitor", though that name may change: Monitor doesn't like it particularly, but he hasn't liked anything I've tried yet. He's the personification of my nitpicky, pedantic, "monitor-evaluator" tendencies - or rather, he might be - it takes some weeks to sort these things out.

But that, of course, is me, and you will probably be different.

Martin - "Variety is the Spice of Life"



Hi Valerie! I just thought I'd say hi to you specifically, since you were kind enough to introduce yourself to me - or rather, to Martin I hope you and your sister have fun on h2g2, anyway - it's a great place! To be honest, though, I'm not sure I understand pillowcase either - and I've known him for a fair while now...

Y'know, it's far too late - I really ought to be in bed by now. I'll say bye now then, and bye to you too pillowcase

Lucinda - who loves to *giggle*

I've got a long essay on this very thing on my survivors website... called "confessions of an MP-Wannabe" ...

I definitely have different "bits" of myself - to which I have given names, to go with their personalities... and yet they are all 'me'. At times in my life they have been more separate than I am now...

There's some interesting books around by Hal and Sidra Stone, called "Embracing Ourselves" (and then "Embracing Eachother, Embracing your Inner Critic, and so on) .... in which they postulate that everyone has these different 'subpersonalities', who have thoughts, roles, functions of their own ... and can run our lives unless we work on developing an 'aware ego' and separating from them.

I'll ramble more on this if folks are interested - or not.

*websearches*

Always reassuring to find that there are others similar to you. Thanks for the writing and links - that's very helpful - lots of food for thought.

Still not sure about names, though - "Singtiple", "plural", ... I'm tempted by 'gestalt': "a structure, configuration, or pattern of physical, biological, or psychological phenomena so integrated as to constitute a _functional_ unit with properties not derivable by summation of its parts". I like names...

Do ramble merrily on - I'm certainly interested...

-Martin

Hi everybody,

I think you're forgetting that mp exists along a continuum, just as dissociation does, and just as most psychological phenomena do.

There are people who are only dimly aware that they 'change hats' for work, home, sex, playing with children, etc. They do know they do it, and assume everyone does (they don't; we've asked.)

There are people who use the 'subpersonality' model for self-talk and self-understanding. We took a course on this. The monos in the class all said it felt like 'acting'. It came naturally to four people in the class, and of course all four turned out (later) to be mp.

There are people who can 'see' Inside, and 'External Reality', and have no difficulty distinguishing between the two (because they are not delusional) and there are people Inside, with distinct selfhood. The belief/memory of having 'created' these people is common, and understandable. Host persons have a *lot* of difficulty accepting that they are not 'I', and letting the others have autonomy. It is up to the others to just take the time to let the host person come around. (40% of mps - usually more extreme - have no host-person, though there are dominant people at different times.)

There are people who, even though they know the body is not *their* body, like to dress the body up, and be themselves in it. It is very awkward when the body is the wrong gender, height, shape, etc, to sustain a lot of interest in it, but some Inside people do. -- Some of our babies have gestured with the arm, seen it, and started to cry because it's nothing like *their* arm, and it's big, and why is it waving around like that? And the feet are too far away for them to suck the toes.

There's a level at which it almost feels like people are being shuffled In and Out by the host-person, as necessity warrants. This is considerably more self-conscious than most mps, but that is *good* because it prevents blackouts.

There is a level at which Inside people may or may not know about each other, but the host person is either unaware of them, or the Inside people are hiding from the host person. This is a set-up for blackouts. Blackouts are not usually dramatic, nor long. David et al, our partner went to the coffee machine with a piece of paper in his hand that needed to be photocopied, because David was thinking 'coffee', and Susan, who had written the story, was thinking 'copy', and the feet went one way, and the mind went the other. It took a few moments of puzzled staring at the coffee machine, and the story, to work out that this was not the right machine, or else it was not the right container for coffee. That sort of thing is just this side of a blackout. Having to stop and re-orient 'where was I going? what was I doing?' is very common among not quite full-blown mps. More than one person had more than one idea at the same time. One/s experience a tendency to interrupt oneself/ves. Even a second here or a second there is a blackout.

Host-as-passive-observer, while life is run by alters, is also common. This is usually because either the host person can't cope, or the alters think the host person can't cope.

The things you all are describing are not mp-wannabe. They are just not as extreme on the mp scale as they might be. I also think there's a common misunderstanding about mps - that someone 'takes over' to the exclusion of everyone else. That is a persons with bad, dysfunctional blackouts. We are 'co-conscious' to the extent that people are interested. We do not have to relay info back in, from whoever is Out, because others can peek out through the eyes unless the subject matter has a warning flag on it. We can, but this was learnt, consciously block people from overhearing things, or from reading things. Most of the time, there is no need for most of us to be looking at External Reality. Many of us do not *like* it. Some of us call it home. None of us is at 'home' in the body. Some of us are just more used to it than others.

It seems to me that the 'making', or 'forming' of someone new is really the arrival, or discovery by the others of someone who was there all along. Does this come with a sense of being observed? Is the new person amazingly familiar with External reality, but maybe not so sure about dates?

Names are a Big Deal, for most mp systems. There is a lot of obvious and less obvious symbolism. If the name 'arrives' with the person, that person has been there all along. There *is* such a thing as an intentionally created alter, but that is a level of sophistication that you, Martin et al, and you, Pillowcase, have not demonstrated to us. The intentionally created alters tend to be very 2D and unstable, and 'frag out' of existence shortly after they stop being needed, because they are *almost* pretend- people. The more substantive and 'real' the people feel, Inside, to themselves and others, the more real they are.

I'm not expressing this well...

Cont... next post.

If an mp has an existent and functional host person, that person *always* tends to think of the others as part of hir. David used to do. The fact is, we are all emotional and psychological *metaphors*, and the metaphorical structure originated in the host's mind - not that alters can't have alters, but trace it all back, and you end up with the host. It is difficult for host people to get enough distance to see that all the others are there for good reasons, which had to do with saving the host's life and sanity. Host people have the most control to lose, by giving up the sense of 'I'.

I was the dominant, though not host, alter from body ages 12-34. There were others present, about whom I knew nothing really, except that I had a 'cast of characters in my head'. They included a flirtatious lush, who liked men , and drank way too much, a bored teenager who just wanted this (whatever) to be OVer, so she could have a cigarette already, something/one very stern and disciplinarian, a sense of being three, especially in the snow, and this tough character who shoved people up against walls and threatened them with bone-breakings if they EVER bothered 'my' friends again. It was all a little surreal for me. But it had been surreal for so long that it was just how my life was. 'I have a few drinks and start flirting with *men* - WEIRD. I have a few more and wake up with them... weirder.'

After we found out about the mp (in October '93, when a 16 year old did NOT want to go to therapy, oh no she did NOT), it took me a couple of years to figure out 'what does that make me'? I thought I had continuous memory. Hah. I had the continuous memory I was *allowed* to have, so we could continue to function. I actually have almost *no* memory of ever having done homework. For me, that should have stood out as odd, but since I never looked, I didn't find. Sara did the homework, often while the majority of us were passed-out drunk. Before her, there were Schoolies. I wrote a *few* papers, particularly in grad school, but by and large, it was not I who did homework. That is the sort of subtle give-away to the dominant person, or host, that 'you are not really in charge here, and we are more autonomous than you think'.

People with host persons have the advantage of having ONE person whose body the body is. Mps *tend* to be a little androgynous. For males, this does not mean effeminate (though there may be effeminate males Inside) but just androgynous. Likewise, for females, this does not mean 'butch'. It is easier to *see* androgyny in a man, because women are socially allowed to dress like men, but not vice-versa. This is the External Reality manifestation of the internal metaphorical structure.



The bottom line is this: there's no such thing as a 'fake' mp. You are, or you are not. There is a test for it, called the Dissociative Experience Scale. Martin and Pillowcase, just from reading posts here, you are mp. Full stop. Inanna, I strongly suspect you are, too. (Which bbs do you know us from? Yahoo, AOHell, or Prodigy? And who were you, there? Sorry , we haven't figured that out.) Some of the things you have each/all said just puts any alternative out of the question.

Martin, you can say 'It's all me', but you also say the 'fake mp' was MRD's idea - like, where did he come up with this? And why did you go along with it? 22 year old young men do not, traditionally, know diddly-squat about mp unless they were aware of it at some unremembered time in the past. MRD could have taken over control, and not clued you in, but he didn't. He knew Xanthia, among others, would make him miserable. Why would anyone's metaphor have Internal quarrels? Or downright enmity, which we've had, and had to work through? It is because the metaphor is old, old, as old as the body, maybe. In the next post I'll list a bunch of questions based on the Dissociative Experience Scale test - paraphrased, because I don't remember it word-for-word, and *I* took it. Arpeggio or Sara would have it word-for-word, and would paraphrase anyway, for the sake of Nice Moderator.

I'm using too many words to try to get concepts across. I'm still agitated because of some inexcusable asininities at another thread.

NICE MODERATOR, THESE QUESTIONS ARE PARAPHRASED FROM MEMORY FROM A PSYCHODIAGNOSTIC TOOL I LAST RAN ACROSS IN 1995. THIS IS NOT THE CONTENTS OF THAT MEASUREMENT INSTRUMENT - A LONG TEST - NOR IS ANYTHING VERBATIM BECAUSE I DO NOT REMEMBER IT THAT WELL.

Some questions for the *host* persons:

-Do you ever unconsciously refer to yourself in the plural?

-Do you ever find yourself in situations you certainly did not start?

-Are people ever angry/annoyed with you for no reason of which you are aware?

-Do you talk to yourself aloud?

-Do you experience the sensation of having more than one different, distinct identities?

-Do you talk to *them*? Aloud?

-Do you talk about them, to each other? To other people?

-Is your writing variable, depending on who seems to be writing?

-Does anyone use a different main language, or seem to have an accent?

-Do you sleep lightly?

-Do you sleepwalk? Talk in your sleep?

-Do you have nightmares? Do you remember them? Are they recurring?

-Do you ever feel as though everyone is talking at once, and you can't hear yourself think, when there is no one else there?

-Did you have an 'imaginary friend' as a child? More than one? Did you ever talk about hir/them?

-Do you ever find yourself in situations where you *should* not know how to cope, but somehow do?

-Do you ever change clothes more than twice in one day (when no special activity calls for it)?

-Are you gender-ambiguous? Do other people think you are?

-Do you hear voices (other than those everyone else can hear)?

-If you do, do they come from inside your mind, or outside?

-Do you ever notice that money you had in your wallet has been spent, and not have any idea on what, or when?

-Do you ever have 'out of body' experiences?

-If you know, are you extremely suggestible, moderately suggestible, or resistant to suggestion?

-Do you ever think you overhear conversations about you, when you are alone?

-Do other people characterise you as 'moody'? 'Capricious'?

-Have you ever been known to have Jekyll/Hyde switches in mood from normal to violent rage?

-Is any of the voices you hear persecutory, accusatory, hateful, or just plain nasty?

-Do you ever have to stop and re-orient yourself while doing ordinary tasks?

-Do you ever experience a sort of finger-drumming or foot-tapping impatience with yourself, while doing things you like?

-Rate your memory of your childhood and adolescence on a scale of 1-10, where 1 means literally years at a time are missing or too vague to describe, and 10 means you can recall everything, in continuous order.

-Rate your relationship with your parents on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 means no contact, and 10 means 'enmeshed'. Do separately if it is different with one parent than the other.

-Have you ever had an eating disorder?

-Have you ever been suicidally depressed? Have you attempted suicide?

-Have you ever been self-mutilative?

-Would you characterise yourself as sexually repressed, inhibited, restrained, typical, assertive, uninhibited, or promiscuous?

-Using the same scale, how do you think the people who know you best would characterise you?

-Using the same scale, how do you think people who know you socially would characterise you?

-Have you ever seriously abused recreational drugs or alcohol?

-Are you a 'cheap drunk', or does it take a huge quantity of alcohol to affect you, or do you fall approximately where your friends do?

I could go on, but you all can make up your own questions, that are more pertinent to yous, and then answer them.



People are either mp or they aren't. For a non-mp to 'act' mp is IMPOSSIBLE. Over the long haul, they can't do it consistently. If it's a question of a mono with 'subpersonalities', well, they do not write, cannot inhabit the body, and certainly do not buy cosmetics. (We personally HATE that psychological model, because it anthropomorphises traits that monos have, in ways that are not consistent with how they *feel*; that is what all our mono classmates said. And, it trivialises/conflates mp with a sort of 'neurotic' mono existence... ). This is a little like being pregnant: you are, or you are not. There is a continuum along which mp exists, and you appear to me to be at the near end... maybe.

It is typical for people to recognise and start dealing with post traumatic stress issues in their thirties. Twentysomethings, who are still dependent upon parents, are at a distinct disadvantage. Relax and trust the process is my best advice, and meanwhile, be who yous are, and listen to each other.

Hope all that was some help. Now I've got to go see the sort of flame war that's started on that damn 'Inventions' thread.

Love and luck to yous alls,

Kassandra York, Chairperson, Psych Dept of LeKZ

Qs for host: ok

-Do you ever unconsciously refer to yourself in the plural?
Not IRL. Online - sometimes. I used to refer to myself unconsciously as female before Lucinda existed properly.

-Do you ever find yourself in situations you certainly did not start?
No.

-Are people ever angry/annoyed with you for no reason of which you are aware?
Not sure.

-Do you talk to yourself aloud?
Yes. Have done forever.

-Do you experience the sensation of having more than one different, distinct identities?
Yes.

-Do you talk to *them*? Aloud?
to them, yes. Aloud, no. Xanthia sometimes talks to me aloud, like when she's trying to get me to get out of bed, but that's a one-way conversation.

-Do you talk about them, to each other? To other people?
To other people, well obviously I have been doing here, but don't do IRL. I don't talk about them to each other - that'd be going behind someone's back, and besides, everyone hears everyone.

-Is your writing variable, depending on who seems to be writing?
My pen-writing is permanently horrendous. Online, it varies somewhat - judge for yourself.

-Does anyone use a different main language, or seem to have an accent?
Not that I'm aware of.

-Do you sleep lightly?
No.

-Do you sleepwalk? Talk in your sleep?
No, and no.

-Do you have nightmares? Do you remember them? Are they recurring?
Yes. Sometimes. No.

-Do you ever feel as though everyone is talking at once, and you can't hear yourself think, when there is no one else there?
No.

-Did you have an 'imaginary friend' as a child? More than one? Did you ever talk about hir/them?
No.

-Do you ever find yourself in situations where you *should* not know how to cope, but somehow do?
Can't think of any.

-Do you ever change clothes more than twice in one day (when no special activity calls for it)?
Changing clothes once is about the limit.

-Are you gender-ambiguous? Do other people think you are?
Yes. People have been saying I act female on occasions since I was 18, at least.

-Do you hear voices (other than those everyone else can hear)?
yes.

-If you do, do they come from inside your mind, or outside?
inside.

-Do you ever notice that money you had in your wallet has been spent, and not have any idea on what, or when?
Sometimes, but most times I eventually figure out where it went.

-Do you ever have 'out of body' experiences?
no

-If you know, are you extremely suggestible, moderately suggestible, or resistant to suggestion?
I don't know.

-Do you ever think you overhear conversations about you, when you are alone?
I occasionally think I hear my mother calling my name, when I'm on the border between wake and sleep. Aside from that, no.

-Do other people characterise you as 'moody'? 'Capricious'?
Not to my face. More like 'unpredictable', 'odd', or 'complex'.

-Have you ever been known to have Jekyll/Hyde switches in mood from normal to violent rage?
Oh yeah. For most of my childhood, as far as I can tell.

-Is any of the voices you hear persecutory, accusatory, hateful, or just plain nasty?
No.

-Do you ever have to stop and re-orient yourself while doing ordinary tasks?
Don't think so - not sure I understand the question.

-Do you ever experience a sort of finger-drumming or foot-tapping impatience with yourself, while doing things you like?
I sometimes feel that I'm not being terribly constructive and ought to do something more useful.

-Rate your memory of your childhood and adolescence on a scale of 1-10, where 1 means literally years at a time are missing or too vague to describe, and 10 means you can recall everything, in continuous order.
2

-Rate your relationship with your parents on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 means no contact, and 10 means 'enmeshed'. Do separately if it is different with one parent than the other.
7

-Have you ever had an eating disorder?
no

-Have you ever been suicidally depressed? Have you attempted suicide?
I've been very depressed and considered suicide, but I never attempted it. I don't think I was considering it terribly seriously, but it's hard to tell.

-Have you ever been self-mutilative?
Not *mutilative*, but I have deliberately caused myself minor pain or lack of comfort.

-Would you characterise yourself as sexually repressed, inhibited, restrained, typical, assertive, uninhibited, or promiscuous?
inhibited {Lucinda would be assertive/uninhibited}

-Using the same scale, how do you think the people who know you best would characterise you?
inhibited/restrained

-Using the same scale, how do you think people who know you socially would characterise you?
repressed/inhibited

-Have you ever seriously abused recreational drugs or alcohol?
There have been a handful of incidents where I've drunk too much and vomited multiple times, but never needed a stomach pump or anything.

-Are you a 'cheap drunk', or does it take a huge quantity of alcohol to affect you, or do you fall approximately where your friends do?
I used to be a lot cheaper than I am now - I'm about where my friends are now, I guess.

-Martin

If I don't come back and post, please come and remind me to!

x x Fenny (confused and bewildered)

Fenny~

Why confused and bewildered, dear?

We have to get offline, baths to take, that sort of thing, and then we'll be back and see. Not to worry.


Kassandra, for LeKZ

-Are you a 'cheap drunk', or does it take a huge quantity of alcohol to affect you, or do you fall approximately where your friends do?

Oh - I just remembered some friends discussing my behaviour drunk a few days ago: they said "you act pretty much the same when you're drunk as when you're sober"... there - that'll shed some 'light' on the situation...

Lucinda - enlightening

Why confused and bewildered? Because despite being a singularity I had a shock when I could identify with a few of those points... I've been thinking about it all evening and will come back when I have a few answers...

x x Fenny (Never worried, LeKZ. Don't worry for me!)

So here are some answers:

My apologies for any linguistic inconsistancies. It's 3am and I kept falling asleep while writing.

Apologies for such a long posting.

~~~================================================================~~~

Do you ever unconsciously refer to yourself in the plural?
No, never. Yes, actually, sometimes, but in a laughing-at-self way.

-Do you ever find yourself in situations you certainly did not start?
Sometimes in situations someone else started. Of course, you could start querying whether I prompted evocative aggression. Also see the Roleplaying section, below.

-Are people ever angry/annoyed with you for no reason of which you are aware?
Yes. I irritate people because I'm s l o w. Slow to act/speak/respond. Even when I try to be quick. Even I get irritated with myself.

-Do you talk to yourself aloud?
Yes. My dog died when I was 19, and I think I started talking to her memory/ghost.

-Do you experience the sensation of having more than one different, distinct identities?
No. Unless you count PMT, or roleplaying (see below).

-Is your writing variable, depending on who seems to be writing?
My writing varies between tidy and messy, but it's still a singularity which writes it.

-Does anyone use a different main language, or seem to have an accent?
I will answer this more fully at the bottom, in the Roleplaying section.

-Do you sleep lightly?
Sometimes.

-Do you sleepwalk? Talk in your sleep?
No sleepwalking, Don't think so about talking.

-Do you have nightmares? Do you remember them? Are they recurring?
Yes. Yes. Yes. Usually horrible Holocaust or Nuclear Holocaust ones.

-Do you ever feel as though everyone is talking at once, and you can't hear yourself think, when there is no one else there?
Yes. I hear them particularly when I'm going to sleep. I don't know whose voices I hear, but they are as clear as a radio programme.

-Did you have an 'imaginary friend' as a child? More than one? Did you ever talk about hir/them?
I don't remember imaginary friends. I wanted them, but they didn't find me.

-Do you ever find yourself in situations where you *should* not know how to cope, but somehow do?
Yes. Professionally or sometimes socially. But I think / hope everyone's got a Survival Instinct in them.

-Do you ever change clothes more than twice in one day (when no special activity calls for it)?
Yes. Just because I'm not comfortable.

-Are you gender-ambiguous? Do other people think you are?
No, absolutely not. I may not wear makeup, but no one could think I was emasculated.

-Do you hear voices (other than those everyone else can hear)?
Other than the quiet voices that become louder at night, a "Voice" told me how to cure my migraine, told me things I couldn't know about a neighbour, then went off on holiday and has hardly been heard of since.

-If you do, do they come from inside your mind, or outside?
Inside. Sort of. It was a voice from the stars (sorry to be melodramatic.)

-Do you ever notice that money you had in your wallet has been spent, and not have any idea on what, or when?
Yes. Although I'm better on that than I was - or worse, since I spend money by card instead of using cash, and the coins in my purse are incidental now.

-Do you ever have 'out of body' experiences?
This is the bit that got me worked up "confused and bewildered" before. I'm normally shocked by hearing my own voice speak up in lectures. Sometimes I'd not even decided to ask a question. And sometimes I stopped halfway through the sentence because the voice asking the question didn't sound like my voice at all.

-If you know, are you extremely suggestible, moderately suggestible, or resistant to suggestion?
Yes, I know. I sat through a hypnotist evening without ever being "a little sleepy". Gullible, yes (unfortunately); suggestible, no.

-Do you ever think you overhear conversations about you, when you are alone?
(PMT again. Complete and utter paranoia for two days. Everyone hates me and everyone's looking at me. And when I'm alone, they're outside the room I'm in, talking about me. But nothing to suggest multiple personalities.)

-Do other people characterise you as 'moody'? 'Capricious'?
Moody? Ahh, PMT again. And when I'm hungry. Capricious? Not that I can think of.

-Have you ever been known to have Jekyll/Hyde switches in mood from normal to violent rage?
Not that I'm aware of. Screaming shouting matches, but I've never broken anything.

-Is any of the voices you hear persecutory, accusatory, hateful, or just plain nasty?
No. Thank God. Enough of those from outside, without having one inside with me.

-Do you ever have to stop and re-orient yourself while doing ordinary tasks?
Yes. Reference the Coffee/Copy question, I once found myself at the cupboard with a bottle of milk in my hand, and went back to put it back in the fridge and retrieve the sugar from the fridge. Reference nothing in particular: I was walking up the road with friends, and my mind told me I was walking down one road when in reality I was walking up another. Sudden violent nausea/vertigo as I realised where I was.
Also, during Roleplaying.

-Do you ever experience a sort of finger-drumming or foot-tapping impatience with yourself, while doing things you like?
Yes. As above. I'm too slow for my mind to be patient for.

-Rate your memory of your childhood and adolescence on a scale of 1-10, where 1 means literally years at a time are missing or too vague to describe, and 10 means you can recall everything, in continuous order.
That's very subjective; I think I'll give it a 3. I was bullied, and don't want some memories.

-Rate your relationship with your parents on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 means no contact, and 10 means 'enmeshed'. Do separately if it is different with one parent than the other.
10. 10.

-Have you ever had an eating disorder?
No.

-Have you ever been suicidally depressed? Have you attempted suicide? Have you ever been self-mutilative?
No. No. No.

-Would you characterise yourself as sexually repressed, inhibited, restrained, typical, assertive, uninhibited, or promiscuous?
I love sex. No problems there.

Have you ever seriously abused recreational drugs or alcohol? Are you a 'cheap drunk', or does it take a huge quantity of alcohol to affect you, or do you fall approximately where your friends do?
I rarely drink, have only once had a "space cake", and could not under any circumstances be called a "cheap drunk" unless in terms of "a glass of water". I was going to leave this question out, until I realised that I fundamentally object to drink/drugs because *I hate not knowing what I did last night, and losing control of my body*. There, I thought that might be important. Having said that, I act as drunk as everyone else, even if I am just drinking water. Definitely more fun if you can remember it the next day.

In addition to the above, I have had some horrid conversations where I disagree with my partner on what we remember (I usually have a very good memory; so does he).

I said I was going to categorise roleplaying differently. Roleplaying is, I think, a very good way to exercise the facets of self which would make up different personae. Without patronising people here (many of whom have been/are roleplayers) I could elaborate on characters of mine who've filled out child/manipulative/conniving/soldierly/etc/etc/etc personalities, and who have answered questions for me that I didn't know I knew the answers to.

I roleplay as part of a group, and also as one of a pair, where two people provide all of the incidental characters as well as the main ones. Some of the questions above are relevant to Roleplaying.

Do you ever find yourself in situations you certainly did not start?
Yes, it's possible to play two characters in the same game, where one deliberately acts against the other. I will play Person A, out to get Person B however I can, and then (depending on how cleverly Person A laid the trap) I may be trapped as Person B and try to get out.

Do you experience the sensation of having more than one different, distinct identities?
Yes. This can be answered both by the answer in the question just above, and by a list of all the characters I've ever played. I am the conniving child, at the same time as I'm the powerful, arrogant dragon. If I'm feeling shy, I just recreate the Socialite in real life. Also, Louisa's memories are categorised under a file marked Louisa. If I'm playing Eleanor, I can't remember Louisa's memories, but as soon as I bring Louisa out, I have the exact details necessary.

Does anyone use a different main language, or seem to have an accent? This is exactly the ssame as the comment regarding "Louisa's memories". When I get someone with an accent out, the accent remains the same as it was for him/her last time. However, I can't recreate the accent on any other character.

x x Fenny

Fenny~

Ding!

Do you experience the sensation of having more than one different, distinct identities?
Yes. This can be answered both by the answer in the question just above, and by a list of all the characters I've ever played. I am the conniving child, at the same time as I'm the powerful, arrogant dragon. If I'm feeling shy, I just recreate the Socialite in real life. Also, Louisa's memories are categorised under a file marked Louisa. If I'm playing Eleanor, I can't remember Louisa's memories, but as soon as I bring Louisa out, I have the exact details necessary.

Does anyone use a different main language, or seem to have an accent? This is exactly the ssame as the comment regarding "Louisa's memories". When I get someone with an accent out, the accent remains the same as it was for him/her last time. However, I can't recreate the accent on any other character.

In both cases, you so *become* the person, that you can't think/be anyone else, to the point of not knowing what the other one knows.

Some of what you've described, 'the voice' who speaks in class, a few other things, suggests some possibilities. Not mp, but possibly some other syndromes. Don't really know you well enough to say *anything* conclusive, and those are not really diagnoses until there is reason for them to exist, which I haven't got. I'll think on this.

Thank you for the reply.

Kassandra, for LeKZ

Thanks for the response to my response (hoping these thanks won't go on in ever-repeating ripples!)

Will write more later.

x x Fenny

When I first read this piece, I was beginning to wonder if Reddude had been hanging around too much with LeKZ. Now, though, I'm beginning to wonder about myself. We've already discussed some ways in which I could have *become* mp, but I decided I was not. Now, I'm beginning to wonder. I've found myself beginning to think in terms of "we", which I first attributed to exposure to LeKZ. There's some other things here, too. If I interpret you correctly, I couldn't have those inner dialogues if I weren't in some way mp. I've done this sort of thing on H2G2 before, and it always looks something like this:


Wake up. We have to have an inner dialogue.

Why?

Because I'm trying to demonstrate something. Say hello to the people.

Hello to the people.

...

...

This isn't going well.

...

Say something.

I don't have anything to say right now. You're the brilliant one who wants to make a point. Make your point, and leave me alone.

I need you to say something to make the point. Whatever comes to mind...

Look, buddy, I don't know how to explain this to you, but I'm not some freaking doll you just pull the string on. You can't just push me out on stage and say, "Quick! Be funny!" It doesn't happen that way. Perform your own song and dance, and leave me out of it. I'm not getting enough sleep as it is.



My apologies for that. Usually, they're quite funny... to me, anyway.

So, I'll give the whole test thing a shot...

Some questions for the *host* persons: (I'll delete any which I feel won't shed any light on the subject, for brevity's sake)

-Do you ever unconsciously refer to yourself in the plural?
As I've just stated, I've found myself doing it quite a bit lately... though not in public.

-Are people ever angry/annoyed with you for no reason of which you are aware?
Yes, but I've usually chalked this one up to misunderstanding... I don't know why they should be mad at me for what I've said/done.

-Do you talk to yourself aloud?
Often.

-Do you experience the sensation of having more than one different, distinct identities?
Sometimes. I tend to call them "moods." Or am I in denial?

-Do you talk to *them*? Aloud?
No.

-Do you talk about them, to each other? To other people?
No.

-Is your writing variable, depending on who seems to be writing?
Depending on the mood, I suppose so. I know so.

-Does anyone use a different main language, or seem to have an accent?
I used to torment my friend with a rude British persona. I found it very funny at the time.

-Do you sleep lightly?
Yes.

-Do you sleepwalk? Talk in your sleep?
I've been known to talk in my sleep.

-Do you have nightmares? Do you remember them? Are they recurring?
No. Rarely. No.

-Do you ever feel as though everyone is talking at once, and you can't hear yourself think, when there is no one else there?
Yes.

-Did you have an 'imaginary friend' as a child? More than one? Did you ever talk about hir/them?
No.

-Do you ever find yourself in situations where you *should* not know how to cope, but somehow do?
Yes.

-If you know, are you extremely suggestible, moderately suggestible, or resistant to suggestion?
Resistant.

-Do other people characterise you as 'moody'? 'Capricious'?
No.

-Have you ever been known to have Jekyll/Hyde switches in mood from normal to violent rage?
Yes. I've covered one such incident with you in detail.

-Is any of the voices you hear persecutory, accusatory, hateful, or just plain nasty?
There is a very humbling inner voice to counteract my usual conceited swagger.

-Do you ever have to stop and re-orient yourself while doing ordinary tasks?
Often.

-Do you ever experience a sort of finger-drumming or foot-tapping impatience with yourself, while doing things you like?
Yes.

-Rate your memory of your childhood and adolescence on a scale of 1-10, where 1 means literally years at a time are missing or too vague to describe, and 10 means you can recall everything, in continuous order.
9. My memory timeline begins at age 3, which, I am told, is quite uncommon.

-Rate your relationship with your parents on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 means no contact, and 10 means 'enmeshed'. Do separately if it is different with one parent than the other.
Dad: 1
Mom: 4

-Have you ever been suicidally depressed? Have you attempted suicide?
Yes.

-Have you ever been self-mutilative?
I never carved myself up, no. But I did throw myself deliberately into harm's way through various activities.

-Would you characterise yourself as sexually repressed, inhibited, restrained, typical, assertive, uninhibited, or promiscuous?
Depends. I'm tempted to use mp terminology to answer this truthfully... some of us are repressed, and some of us are sluts. The mp skeptic inside me would suggest that mood, situation, and the individual involved would be determining factors.

-Using the same scale, how do you think the people who know you best would characterise you?
Restrained.

-Using the same scale, how do you think people who know you socially would characterise you?

-Have you ever seriously abused recreational drugs or alcohol?
I spent four years in an alcoholic haze.

-Are you a 'cheap drunk', or does it take a huge quantity of alcohol to affect you, or do you fall approximately where your friends do?
When I used to drink heavily, I had rather high tolerance. Nowadays, I'd say I'm a relatively cheap drunk.

> "When I first read this piece, I was beginning to wonder if Reddude had been hanging around too much with LeKZ."

I've certainly considered it - there are those who reckon that all or most or some multiplicity is 'induced', so I'd be foolish to overlook the possibility. {Kassandra, I'm not saying I agree with them, but I'm not a psychologist, so it'd be a mistake to discard them out of hand on your say so. I'd rather discard them on my own say so. But in any case, that's another discussion for another time - like when I have a day or so to kill to reading few hundred websites}

But I was certainly doing *something* multiple-like before I met LeKZ - and I had {past tense} always been a big fan of Luke Rhinehart's philosopy which (as part of it) aims for the creation of a more plural personality. And some of the symptoms and suchlike I've had since {to overuse a phrase} "as long as I can remember", so I don't see gullibility as the explanation here...

-Martin

Hi friends/s ,

No comment. Just looking. You/s both/all have to figure these things out for yourselves/s. Col Sellers' replies are not more nor less 'suggestive'. The internal dialogue was a) funny, and b) very similar to how I perceived 'internal dialogue' when I thought I was 'I'.

Martin, isn't it lovely to know Lucinda's got a fan? I'm sure Lucinda is *charmed* to know you're being LURKED.

Guido would love to help Lucinda out, but we've had to temporarily staple him to the wall. He's *irritable* about anyone FUXXING with our FRIENDS. So we're here offering everyone virtual saccharin+heroin tablets.

SolongbuhbyeIluvyayou'regawdjus!

Kassandra, seriously, and Auntie supersillyously, for LeKZ

Bah. I'd spent 20 mins or so writing a long reply to LeKZ's earlier post, including all those questions -I hit 'post', and a) H2g2 gives me a server error, and then b) Explorer crashes.

I don't have the time or energy to retype it all in now, but I'll try and do so later.

Inanna - you learn the hard way, in this world of bits and nibbles: cut and paste the questions onto Notepad, and work with them offline!

Hope the next posting goes better for you!

x x Fenny