h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Do something about this.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/A53452

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded ... must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their new carpet ...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo" to get rid of my little friends. What sick minds could invent such a liquid. It takes me half a day to clean myself after that. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and their skin under my claws.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return to his prison. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

Oh. My. God.

That is sooooo funny!

...what a posting..and so close to the truth as to be uncanny..
As to s..People do not seem to realise that THEY do not own a <cat...s OWN people. Whatever reason canyou think of as to why they come and go as they please, sometimes for days on end..

Even husbands, wives, partners, etc, wuld not dare of doing this..



Stephen

Oh, Lord!

That's so funny!

Yeah..s are always pussying around,,that is where the expression "pussyfooting" came from....think about it..

i was always more of a person than a person

could this be because i am as lazy as a ?

I found this in Terris old journal...

The Human gives the food,shelter & affection.
The thinks the Human is a god.

The Human gives the food,shelter & affection.
The knows the is a god.

I might include it in the entry, unless Terri objects.

s are completely self-centred & wouldn't dream of protecting those that feed it, let alone any other human!

Now, I protect as many of mankind I can - especially from s - and am rewarded & I reciprocate by being a loving companion with no hidden agenda - what you see is what you get

no hidden agenda? what about the "occasional" bowl of you so frequently ask for

Ah but I am quite open about that & ask openly - no hinting. I don't stay out most of the night & catch poor defenceless s either - I ask for a piece of biscuit, some meat .... whatever!

Sorry Shirps, I did not mean to offend you!

I do love dogs too, but their hearts are more on their sleeve, so to speak... but in this case, I still think I will try to do something about that cats entry!

Oh, and here Hope you enjoy it

All s are useful for is ... chasing

for the - I prefer in my many bowls scattered around the various bars & places though



Aside: Oh hec! No offence taken! I've been laughing all the way too

Here you go Côte du Rhone, hope you like it!

you spoil me - very much

Laps gently at bowl - savours every mouthful

truly scrumptious

watch it, , the label reads "chateau migraine"

well, as long as it isn't the infamous portuguese "vinha podagra"

(thats 'gout' for all you who don't speak portuguese)



(who doesn't speak portuguese either )