h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

what? you don't like bacon?

[sea] yuck.

[evillene] yuck.

*angel pulls out a fire extinguisher and puts out the bonfire*

[angel] no barbecuing superheroes in my battle forum!

[sea and evillene] shut up!

*sea and evillene set angel on fire*

*NYC gets the marshmellows*

nothing like a good campfire to warm things up...
hey! the fire's slowing... put a couple more heros on the top!

*NYC laughs at his funny joke*

Brian takes his opportunity to warm his hands next to the glowing Heavy, who looks a little displeased.

I could have got some coal to fuel the fire but ... ah, well.

Grabs marshmellows and proceeds to cook one from the UH BBQ. Then he pokes Heavy with the stick he is using to cook it.

Ah. This is the life.

Hey, I've got an idea. Lets fry some fish!

[sea] sounds good to me...

[evillene] me too...

[angel] i was already fished once, so i can't wink anyway. oh well.

Thank god for that asbestos tux. Saved my proverbial bacon. *pats inside pocket*

Listen. If I'm not allowed even to defend myself from Serious assault, whats the point of this. I might as well dance around shouting Hit ME! PLEASE HIT ME!

But I'm not.

*climbs out of the bonfire. Hugs the three villainous villains. Watches as they all catch alight. Sits burning serenely as they run around screaming. He knows that they arent wearing fireproof clothing.*

Thank God for my pocket fire extinguisher. While I'm there I may as well thank God for sea's ability to heal. Hmmm.

sea. Do the honours would you?

That is faintly disgusting, Brian. Wash your mouth out

Sorry.

When I meant do the honours sea, I kinda meant heal us. hehe

*NYC remembers what little he learned in school, and drops and rolls on the floor. He, now NOT in flames, is unfortunately a charred heap on the floor (as compared to a mangled heap in the SuperHero Initiation commoms, and a severely beaten and bitten heap in Corrupt's page)*

[Come to think of it, NYC's really good at making a heap of himself]
...uuurrrrggghhhh...

Giguschild bursts onto the scene. He is already tired with this people-non-hurting lark, and decides to severely hurt someone. He lands from the vent shaft on the charred and blackened form of NYC, and kicks off in a giant leap towards sea, scuffing NYC's remains into the ground at the same time.

"Time for some real violenccsse," He hisses. Whipping his razor sharp tail around he impales sea and pins her to the wall. As she starts gurgling with pain he snarls and draws back his lips, revealing rows of thin, serrated teeth. He snaps his secondary jaw into her forhead, but only hard enough to leave a nasty cut. Then, with a twisting force of 2.5 tons, he gives another vicious chinese burn to evillene. Unfortunately, she has a trick up her sleeve. Well, a sword anyway. She kicks the Xenomorph off her and slashes down with the sword, slicing through rock hard chitin and gristle to sever his arm.

"Eat thisss!" He quotes, and grabs the back of her head with his hand...and ramming her face into the acid-spewing stump. As she rolls on the floor twisting in agony and sea lies spluttering blood on the floor, with the charred hulk of NYC crawling on the floor, Giguschild notices that his new Oakleys have been scratched. He reaches into another forum and takes his old ones back from Gaarge the Great. He inspects his claws and wipes the blood off them onto his suit.

"Aahhh...much better..." he hisses, and walks over to Uncle Heavy. Uncle Heavy slaps his Xenomorph bitch for not being quicker and Giguschild snickers appreciatively. He tosses a small shaped counter to Angel, who becomes miraculously unfrozen.

See, this guy is great. No more pain for the boy Heavy.

*NYC the charred heap takes one look at the situation, and decides a simple just isn't worth all this pain. he then subsequently blacks out (how ironic)*

Giguschild sticks an 'I am a loser' sign onto NYC's blackened back.

P.S. Sorry for the grammar mistakes in my big posting...it's these claws. Typing just ain't easy.

*sea first creates a small rainstorm in the room, extinguishing all the fires. then she looks at the wounds DAG has been so kind to inflict upon her, and they heal- instantly. she leans over the moaning evillene, heals her with a kiss, then heals brian and NYC as well. then she turns to the superdorks*

[sea] well well well. not very nice... picking on someone who isn't around to defend themselves.

*she kicks heavy in the shin*

[sea] you boys don't play fair, now do you? tisk tisk.

*sea points a finger at the three of them and picks them up telekinetically, holding them 10 feet off the ground*

[sea] i don't appreciate your immature actions...

*sea smiles evilly, then leans over to evillene and whispers something in her ear*

[evillene] DAG, or whatever the hell your name is, you can't see me. please remember this in the future.

*sea and evillene start chanting, and the supertwerps are devolved to five-year-old neanderthals- not much of a change- and then dropped on the floor. headfirst*

[sea] and

[evillene] oh yeah. i forgot.

*NYC is still on the floor*

[sea] are you ever going to get up?

[NYC] no, no... I don't think so... not for a while...

*sea shakes her head sympathetically*

[sea] i don't blame you a bit.

Heh heh...I don't have to see you evillene...I don't even have eyes. With your angry temprament you emit far more infra-red radiation than anyone in the room. There is also something in your pocket sending out a strong electromagnetic signal.

*Pads silently over and breathes noisily in Evillene's ear. Reaches into her pocket and brings out a weight meter.*

Aah, here we go.

*Weight meter: "You are overweight."*

Want another go at stabbing me?

*Lies down. Yawns*
This is the life.

*Gets up and helps NYC to his feet. Pats him on the back. Nods and smiles*