h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*muffled groan from the sea-pancake on the pavement*

*evillene starts laughing hysterically*

[sea] *still smashed* shut up you whale.....

*evillene looks terribly insulted*

*A blackened hand appears at the window, followed by another, and then a blackened face. Uncle climbs through.*

'That' says he 'was most unfair.'

If you're not going to play by the rules, then neither am I.

*Takes the opportunity provided by differing time zones to walk up to Brian, and spend a good five minutes of unhindered beating. Proceeds to walk up to the static form of NYC. Drops, in comic slapstick fasion, a great big black lump of metal onto him. It reads 'ten tons'.
Picks up big stick. Hits Brian some more.*

Right. Now I've finally got that off my chest, perhaps you will play fair. Don't do it again.

*Allows time stream to run continuously again*

*the ten ton block does not move, NYC seems not to be moving as well, let alone breathing*

*Brian, slightly dazed, wonders what the hell hit him ... and then sees Heavy grinning inanely and looks a little miffed.*

Hmmm. Well it served you right for not watching over your ten second grenade but there was a little bit of foul play there. We're equal.

An inspired move, might i say. By me, that is.

Since when were you the people's champion. And who are you the champion of? Explain yourself.

I am the champion of the people. Hence 'The People's Champion'. I'd have though that at least that would be self explainatory.

You know exactly what I mean. Which people are you champion of? Hmm?

The people. That's a generic term for anyone. Whose champion are you, then?

[sea] the people's champion. bah. i'm a person, and you certainly aren't MY champion. false advertising. you can't be the people's champion.

*NYC's face would be pale, had it not been for the ten ton block on top of him*

[sea] whoops! forgot about that...

*sea points a finger at the block and lifts it off of NYC. then she floats it over to heavy*

[sea] i think you dropped this...

*sea drops it on heavy's foot*

*evillene quickly takes a camera and snaps the picture of UH's facial expression the EXACT moment the ten ton block lands on his foot*

*NYC groans*

*evillene runs off to her darkroom*

*sea watches her go*

[sea] i HAVE to get copies of that...

*sea leans down and heals NYC with a kiss*

[sea] now i KNOW you do this on purpose...

oh SURE, I just LOVE to get crushed with ten ton blocks by overweight heros. in fact, why don't YOU try it some time?

*NYC would kick sea, but he'd much rather beat upon UH. He takes out his pocket howitzer, aims, and proceeds to bash UH upside the head with it*

[sea] don't get all defensive... it was a joke! hmmph. boys....

*Uncle unsheaths claws. Runs NYC's unprotected stomach through. Watches his expression and his subsequent collapes with amused interest.*

[sea] that wasn't very nice... this is what we get for being hospitable to you in the initiation forum. hmmph.

*sea kneels down and gives NYC a healing kiss, then stands and quickly gives heavy a kick to the shin, leaving a nasty bruise*

[sea] bully...

note to self: don't engage in hand-to-hand combat...

well, at least while your foot is lodged under that ten ton block, I can hit your from afar with impunity...

*NYC takes out a bottle of PGGB, opens the top, sticks a tissue in, lights a match, and...*

FWOOOOOM!!!

*UH is in flames*

sea, is it just me, or do you sense the overwhelming smell of bacon grilling?

*sea covers her nose*

[sea] EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!!!!