h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello, Krylma. Nice day, isn't it?

*blasts Krylma with the Binary Blaster, and Krylma becomes a frog and hops over to the STUMPED initiation stadium*

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I now claim STUMPED as MINE!!!!! ALL MIIIINNNNEEEE!!!!!

*Actually, Krylma hopped over to one of his Bio-Labs. A few seconds later, the actual Krylma Leader (no longer frog) comes out, in full attack mode*

So, you think it'll be that easy to get rid of me, do you Kudos? I've been toting rayguns, changing people into animals, and performing mad science centuries before you were born! Now, let's see what I can do about your pesky raygun.

*The Krylma Leader snaps his head forward, sending a massive, extremely long tounge towards Kudos. The tounge hits the alien, and plasters it to the wall. Then, the toungue snatches the Binary Blaster, and delivers it to KL's hands. KL examines it, and plugs it into a strange looking power cord on his belt. A second later, KL looks up at Kudos, and smiles a sinister smile*

Interesting technology. It won't work on me now, though. Through the beauty of using a personal shielding device, all I need is to get my hands on the technology. Very few ray guns or lazers will work on me these days. But I must thank you: this is a weapon that I do not believe Afgncaap5 has. I will incorporate it into my arsenal, and will become victorious during my next attack on him.

*Krylma cackles maniacally, and snaps his fingers. Some worker droids enter, and knock out Kudos. When Kudos awakens, it is aparent what KL has done: Kudos is strapped to a surgery table*

I really can't have you running around, can I? I shall have to make some 'modifications' to your personal attributes. Some very *painful* modifications. Oh, and don't try to break out. The ropes and table are made of the strongest substances known on h2g2. Oh, I also made the decision to remove your other weapons from you. Now, I just have to wait for my help to arrive.

*evillene runs in, looking distressed. she tries to free kudos, but is easily dispatched by the KL*

*sea runs in*

[sea] please, Krylma, don't kill her.

*sea's mouth drops open*

[sea] what the heck am i saying?! kill them both! i'll help!!!! they... they... did terrible things in my spaceship, and i had to destroy it! KILL THEM SLOWLY!!!!!!!!!!

*NYC sits in the bio-lab lounge, watching the "operation" on the monitor*

heeheehee... popcorn, sea?

*Kudos struggles as he sees the painful instruments in KL's hands*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Sea, NYC, you're gonna PAY when I get my membership...and my dignity...back!!!!!!!!!

*turns head toward KL*

AND DON'T MESS WITH EVILLENE!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

*evillene whimpers*

*sea eats some popcorn and giggles*

I have no intention of killing anyone here, and the only one who may get harmed is you, Kudos. But this isn't going to be easy for me to do...

*Is rifling through a book that has been sitting on his desk, entitled "The Big Book Of World Domination", by J. Krylma*

Ah, here it is: surgical punishments. Let's see...

*Pauses over an entry. A huge smile comes to his face*

Oh, how could I forget the trademark Krylma KO. It's an amazing feat of brain surgery. It can only be temporary, of course, but it'll do. You see, you will only be able to have your body function when you are asleep, or unconcious. Meanwhile, your concious mind will only be able to operate over there in dream-land. Now, this won't be as painful as I'd like, and it won't be as permanant as I'd hoped, but it'll do until I can think of something I'd rather do.

*Pulls out a chainsaw and plugs it in*

Now, this might hurt a bit...fortunately, it can't be to bad, because this is h2g2, and we try to maintain a 'PG' rating around here. But it'll still be pretty bad...

*evillene closes her eyes and whimpers again*

*sea is grinning evilly*

*h2g2's PG rating only allows that KL will always block the camera's shot of the chainsaw usage in the lounge's monitor. NYC throws popcorn at the monitor*

hey! HEY! c'mon! I deserve... no, I DEMAND to see unprecedented amounts of gore!

*NYC enters the operation room*

can I be of any assistance?

MAybe in a bit. As for now, though, I'm forced to use anesthetic. But Kudos'll have a throbbing headache upon waking.

*Administers the anesthetic in the form of a cartoonish sledgehammer. Then, he turns on the chainsaw, which actually turns out to be nothing more than a surgical lazer, not unlike a light-saber. KL begins the operation, after putting one of those surgical masks on his face*

*NYC stares in disbelief at what passes for a chainsaw nowadays*

*yawn* ... I think I'll pop outside for a drink...

*NYC runs out the complex into the nearest gardening store. half an hour later, he returns with a load of dangerous and painful looking implements of destruction in his arms. he drops all but a weed-whacker*

no more boring surgical lazers!

*NYC tries to start the weed-whacker*

*sea is staring at the KL, in awe of the sight of a giant lizard-man in a surgical mask*

*KL finishes the 'sawing'. He looks at the exposed brain*

Ah, the brain. The central nerve center. Maybe I should scan Kudos' memories before continuing.

*Considers that possibility, wondering if Kudos has any more evil plans that have been plotted against STUMPED*

[Lord Ancba enters on a hoverchair, Flopsy in his lap]

Perhaps you should.

What are you looking at ME for? I'm not getting into this...

*sees Krylma looking at a monitor scanning Kudos's brain*

Krylma: Hey, what's this? "Kudos's Hit List". Hmmmmm....*starts to read*
"1. Krylma, Krylma, Krylma, and Affy.
2. Corrupt. Humanely, though...after all, she created me.
3. Happy Dude. In the cruelest, meanest, most un-happy manner possible. After one more Frogger game, that is.
4. Emar. Then, have Zeb as MY ally instead of a sidekick to that wimp.
5. NYC. Just because.
Footnote: Sea **should** be on here, but Evillene insisted."

Corrupt: Didn't need to see THAT today. Uggghhhh.

*twitch* *twitch*

*sea snickers*

*evillene glares at corrupt, which has very little effect since corrupt can't see it anyway*

just because?! I HAVE to be more of a nuisance than THAT...

*NYC wields the weed-whacker threateningly*

Now there, NYC. You can become a nuisance to Kudos again, once I have decided that Kudos does not need to be subject to ths Krylma KO anymore. But this is a very interesting list...

*KL peruses the list a few more times*

You see, this tells me that Kudos has a short term attention span instead of a long term span. Continuity and strategy don't seem to be instant priorities, while the big picture is the main focus. You see, if Kudos had *really* wanted to conquer STUMPED, Big Bad Werewolf and Red Rejection eMail should've been listed right under me, but they have been away on various missions for several months, and probably didn't *appear* to be the biggest threat.

*KL makes a mental note of this interesting factor in Kudos*

Yes, it makes sense. Kudos, intent on conquering STUMPED, was in too much of a hurry to plot things out as carefully as would have been possible.

*KL grins*

I just had an evil idea.

*sea likes the sould of what she's hearing*

*evillene struggles a little, then gives up and teleports out of the forum*