h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*As the fourth post begins, Affy watches the Blorb Box begin shaking violently. Quickly, he pulls out his most powerful spellscroll, takes aim, and casts*

GUNCHO!!!

*A moment later, the spell scroll vanishes in a puff of light, and the box vanishes, engulfed in flames*

Kefka's far, far away by now. Let's hope we don't meet anyone like that again, I've only got so many Guncho scrolls.

[Cyris] Thanks again! Er. Hi. I'm Cyris, Great Admiral of Vanda.

[YK] What, that again?

[Cyris] Yep, that again! Er, by the way, where's Culex?

[Janine] He's in the X-Zone.

[Cyris] Ah. I gotcha. He was always such a serious guy, but, oh well.

[YK] What're you doing here?

[Cyris] Well, Mordred -- he's the Dark Mage that Culex mentioned -- Mordred wants a bit of a challenge when he takes over this galaxy. So he's going to make sure a lot of people who'd be against him would have the power of Trance. It's this power ... sort of thing ... powered by a surge of emotion, I think, and then you can -- [gives up trying to explain] Ah, whatever. I'll at least give you a Class Change enhancement.

Class change?

*Thinks about it*

Well, thanks for the offer, but I don't really have a specific class. I'm a jack of all trades. I mean, generally mages don't practice heavy fencing, *or* tinker with quantum physics on a daily basis. Is it all right if I stick to what I know?

[Yar] [drily] You're too useful as it is, Affy, you don't need any enhancement.

[Cyris] Howabout the rest of you? Lizzie, you're just a person, but you look kinda nice in black. And makeup would ... Yeah, you're Goth material.

[Liz] YAY!

[Janine] Kinda perky, though, isn't she?

[Cyris regards Janine intensely, and then Liz glows brightly. She is suddenly wearing white makeup and she sprouts dark blue bat wings. She then stops glowing.]

[Yar] Lizzy, that is DEFINITELY you.

[Cyris] Yadovich, you're a Jedi, but you seem kinda more of a Caller. Yeah, you got the mark on your forehead. You become a Summoner.

[Yar] Sure. And my name's Yaradovich, not Yadovich. [pause] Call me Yar.

[Cyris] Whatever.

[Yar glows brightly. The grey spot right above his forehead transforms into a short grey horn. He stops glowing, and then several golden globes of energy fly out of him and go in all directions]

[Yar] Hey -- ! My summoned beings --

[One of the globes stops flying away and transforms into the ice-goddess Shiva.]

[Shiva] All the Endiri are leaving you. You need to find them again. Two of them are somewhere in this mountain.

[She vanishes in a burst of light, which condenses into Yar]

[Yar] [looking shaken] Okay, who else?

[Cyris] There's Starman Jones. You're something of a joke. You aren't good at anything, and you stink at what you /can/ do. Howabout you become a Fightermage? You can use magic, and you can actually fight. Plus your Charisma rating goes up a couple points. Howabout it?

>Wait

Time passes...

[Starman Jones](*really p***ed off*)I AM NOT A JOKE, G*D-#$%^IT!!!!!(*gives Cyris the middle finger*)I don't want to be a "Fightermage" because I hate magic! It annoys the #$%^ out of me!(*turns to Liz*)If this is the end of your initiation, give me the rest of my money and I'll go leave. I never agreed to this #$%^!!!

[Liz] It's not the end of my initiation yet. Be pa -- [decides not to say "Be patient".] Just wait.

[Cyris] Okay, that would be a "no thanks". Garius Lupus, you're a lycanthrope. Ya think you wanna be a metamorph who can shape-shift to /anything/ you know about? You kinda have to have seen it before and you can only use abilities it has that you know about.

Zeb: Hiya.

[Cyris] Hi there. Now go away.

[Starman Jones](*sarcastically*)Oh boy, more people!

>Wait
Time passes...

Zeb: No, no... I'm just here to watch... just pay NO attention to me... doo dee doo doo dee doooooo...












Zeb: ...Sooooooo... anyone here know where Krymla and Lizzie's Powers are? Doo doo dee da doo doo doo dee da doo...

[Liz] Some of them are right here!

[[Hyper Dark]]

[A wave of darkness hits Zeb and Dimmy]

[Liz] Seriously, the Ruby Siphon or whatever it is ... is back at STUMPED base.

Zeb: A wave of DARKNESS?? What the hell is the point of THAT?! But thanks for telling me where the siphon is! RISE NYARLATHOTEP!! RISE, HAUNTER OF THE DARK!! YOUR SERVANT CALLS UPON YOUR AID!!

[Starman Jones]Wait I'm confused...Was that a good thing that happened or was it bad?

Zeb's Voice (from somewhere... else): Good thing!

[Don't worry, next time I'll be clearer about what happened. I MEANT to say that a wave of harmful dark energy hit them, but that's okay.]

[Cyris] So, when's GL going to answer?

[Janine] He's got a bad case of IRL.

[Cyris] Ah. So howabout you? You're a self-proclaimed ninja; howabout you be a full-fledged one?

[Pause. Actually quite a long one.]

[Cyris] I'll take that as a yes.

[Janine glows brightly. When it clears, there is no visible change.]

[Cyris] Ultros and Chupon, you're monsters. There's no class change for you.

[Ultros] Aww ...

[Cyris] Anyway, that's done for now. You still need to go back here the hard way.

[Cyris teleports them back to the Crystal Light cavern that Kefka got his powers from. An old man is there.]

[YK] Ramuh!

[Ramuh] We meet again. I will willingly become an Endir to be Summoned by you, but first there is something you should know.

[Ramuh explains the entire concept of Endiri and all other Summoned beings. Meanwhile, the bolt of energy that Kefka shot upward finally hits something, or to be more precise someONE (who is played by John de Lancie), who then teleports to wherever Affy banished Kefka.]

[Kefka] Unh? Who're YOU??

[Q] I am Q. And I am going to punish you.

[Kefka] What?? Why??

[Q] You threw off my groove!

[Kekfa] WHAT??

[Q] That Extra Special Super-Duper Ultra-Destructo Death Ray you shot upwards! It threw off my groove!

[Q punishes Kefka, and we cut back to the Crystal Light cavern, where Ramuh disappears in a haze of light, which flies into YK's horn and is absorbed.]

Anyway, Liz, just get one of the Crystal Lights, and then we can continue up the mountain.

[Liz gets one of the Crystal Lights]

[Liz] Okay, Affy, which way should we go next?