h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Freshly planted herbs, bushes, trees and so on need to have some water from time to time, otherwise they will dry out and you could have spared to plant them in the first place. The process of watering your garden could be quite lengthy, not to say boring or even exhausting, depending on climate and size of your garden. The rule is that it will not rain for a couple of weeks beginning the day after you planted that expensive rose bush.

Here are a few thoughts on how to facilitate this activity.

- You will never ever have a sufficient number of watering cans. Anytime you need one, you will not find it and if you find it anyway it is either broken or filled with mud of unknown origin. So, everytime you visit a hardware or garden shop, buy a watering can (the metal ones are far more durable, though they are more likely to disappear mysteriously), and put it somewhere safe.

- Buy a watering hose that reaches even the remotest point in your garden. Better buy two of them, one for the garden in front of your house and the other one for the back yard. The drawbacks of watering hoses are that they tend to have leaks; just when you made it watertight again, the leak will appear elsewhere. Furthermore, it ist downright boring to stand in the garden for hours watering lawn and plants while watching the water come out of the hose.

- To avoid this, buy a sprinkler which you connect to the watering hose. That way, just open the tap and have a drink yourself, too. Sprinklers, like watering cans, are also most likely to disappear when needed.

- The almost perfect solution is to have an automated watering system with subterranean water hoses supplying various strategically placed stationary sprinklers; it is controlled by a timer device that almost never fails except every other day. With the money you have to spend on this, you could easily afford a gardener for a decade or so. Also, the undergrund pipes could burst in wintertime in regions that have frost.

If all this does not appeal to you, you probably will have to concrete your whole garden and paint it green.

Another couple of hints.
Firstly, have a few waterbutts around the garden, and if you have a drain on the roof, see if you can divert the rainwater into a waterbutt, that way you can use as much rainwater as possible to water your garden, and that cuts down on water bills, and also is handy when there is a hose-pipe ban. Some parts of the UK have water meters (ie, the Isle of Wight). This tends to make hose-pipes more expensive. Also, some parts of the country are more prone to hose-pipe bans than others. Find out which is which, and then move to a part that does not have hose pipe bans. Or get a house with a river or stream running through your garden.

Well, thanks! Initially, I thought of waterbutts and their benefits but forgot to mention while writing my posting.

Being a ignorant lad from the other side of the pond I would be appreciative if someone could explain what a 'waterbutt' is. Also is a 'hose pipe' what we over here, Canada, call a garden hose?
I have doubts as who would ban a garden hose?

A waterbutt is essentially a very large barrel for storing rain water in. And yes, a hosepipe is a garden hose, and they are banned when the reservoirs etc run low on water during the summer if there is an especially bad heat wave when all the water evaporates, or is drunk by people desperate for water etc.

Strange as it seems for a land surrounded by the sea as far as the human eye can focus,it is perfectly true that we in Britain do suffer hosepipe bans during hot spells.These "spells" can be devastating to the water supply. After a matter of days the Water Companies start mutterings of the threat of a water shortage and forthcoming water rations.Apparently the supplies are provided through a series of underground colanders referred to as "old pipes",the efficiency of which deteriorated over a period of 100yrs+.The rate of delivery through this system runs at about 60% efficiency.ie.40% is lost to leakage.
In answer to this leak problem the Water Companies concerned devised a cunning plan (come back Baldrick ..all is forgiven !).
Simple solution No.1 ....don't use water.

Simple solution No.2 ....If you really need to flush the loo, put a brick in the toilet cistern to displace some of the water normally used.The approx saving estimated equivalent to two good mugs of tea !

Simple solution No.3 ....If you really need a bath,take a shower instead.The approx.saving estimated to be enough to brew a barrel of fine Real Ale.

Simple solution No.4....If you don't possess a shower,share your bath with a friend.

Of course these plans do have their drawbacks.
Imagine the scenario:
You have just saved the equivalent of two good mugs of tea and are sharing the said amount of Quick Brew with a neighbour.Upon deciding that you should freshen up you decide to take a shower.In order to preserve water even more you suggest sharing that as well,but your companion needs to drink half the aforementioned barrel of Real Ale before he/she agrees to the idea.

Back to square one !!!

The best laid plans of mice & men etc.

Still, if we ever see the sun we can always hope the Water Companies don't.Maybe they aren't good at their job,but they are worth keeping on for the entertainment value alone.

You could live in Wales the chances of a hose pipe ban here are INCREDIBLY small
Having said that we have had 2 weeks of no rain which meant I had to water me veggies- no rain is however highly unusual round here.

If you are unfortunate enough to live in a part of Wales which has not seen rain for several days/weeks the answer is simple.Visit the local pub and partake of a gallon or so of the draught products available (providing you don't live in a dry region!)and upon your return home you can water your veggies via your kidneys.

Just a quick thought, if you let everything
in the garden die then you dont need to water it.

or you could just grow a lot of rocks......

my only gardening tip: be very firm in your opinions.

As I live between 2 slate tips (abandoned so not growing, however) I don't really need to grow rocks- thanks Fabt (is that the right name?- what does it mean?). Besides I'm a dry stone waller so I get enough of rocks at work!

As for the beery watering method, it isn't so easy to direct the watering when you're a woman, and I've got too big a veg garden for my bladder

Still plenty of natural watering is going on in Wales at the moment.

Rocks CAN help. You don't grow them, you put a layer stones, about fist sized, round particular plants, like clematis, or on the top of plant containers, and they take much longer to dry out. Needing less watering. A thick layer of gravel would work but it gets mixed in with the soil eventually.

Two weeks without rain in Wales?

I DON'T believe it!

Fabt means Fully Assimilated Borg Tribble/Toothbrush.

It's a Star Trek thing. Any way my best friend at sixth form college
and I use it to sign messeges etc. Confirms it's us, that sort of thing.
Also it's useful to use as part of a pass word because very few people
would think of thoses letters in conection with me unless they're on h2g2.

Good luck with the slate thing, m,aybe a large umbrella over the whole garden
would help.

fabt

The garden's doing ok actually- we've been having normal weather for Wales (what the English call wet). I remember tribbles but I'm not a Trekkie- in fact I'm not even watching the film that's on now!

Another good way of not having to water the garden so your plants don't die is to not water them very much at all, ever. That way they have to grow really long roots to find their own bloody water. It's much more enviromentally friendly, saves energy, water, time and temper. Also not mowing the lawn much means the grass gets quite long and therefore also doesn't need watering to stay alive no matter how hot and dry it is. These tips have worked in both the gardens I have had, except for the Boston Ivy, but I didn't like that much anyway.