h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Mary had a little lamb,
she also had a duck,
she put them on the mantle piece,
to see if they would...fall off

...and the new, but slightly iffy.....

Mary had a little lamb,
with 'tatties and mint sauce,
and lately on the internet,
I see she had a horse.

"Some people say that fleas are black,
But I know that's not so.
'Cos mary had a little lamb,
With fleas as white as snow."

or
Mary had a little lamb,
it had a touch of colic, she gavce it brandy twice a day,
and know it's an alcoholic.

Clive

Or there is always,

Mary had alittle lamb
and the midwife had a heart attack

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor daughter a dress.
But when she got there,
The cupboard was bare,
And so was her daughter, I guess!


Little Miss Muffet
Crouched on her tuffet,
Collecting her shell-shocked wits.
There dropped (from a glider)
An H-Bomb beside her
Which frightened Miss Muffet to bits.


Mary had a little lamb.
She kept it in a bucket.
And every time that it got out,
Mary would put it back in again.


Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was black as soot,
And every time that Mary stopped,
The lamb stood on her foot.


Mary had a little lamb.
Its fleece was white as snow.
She walked past a butcher shop
but the lamb went by too slow!


When Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were surprised,
But when Old McDonald had a farm
You should have seen their eyes!

one more:

Mary had a little lamb
she tied it to a pylon.
36,000 megahertz went up it's bum
and turned it's wool to nylon.

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now Mary takes the lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread.


Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was black as soot.
And everywhere that Mary went,
Its sooty foot it put.


Mary had a little lamb.
Tommy had a pup.
Alfonzo had a crocodile
That ate the others up.


Mary had a little lamb,
A pizza and some prunes,
A piece of pie, a glass of milk,
and then some maccaroons.
It made the waiters happy
to see her order so
And when they carried Mary out,
her face was white as snow!


Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow.
And every where that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go.
Now Mary found meat prices high,
Which really didn't please her.
Tonight she's having leg of lamb,
The rest is in the freezer.


Mary had a little lamb;
You've heard this tale before;
But did you know she passed her plate;
And had a little more.


Mary had a little lamb
A little roast, a little jam
An ice-cream soda topped with fizz
Boy, how sick our Mary is.


Mary had a li'l lamb
Its wool was soft and pink
A big bad wolf came by one day
Now Mary has a mink!


STUFF THAT'S NOT ABOUT MARY

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She said, "With my pension, that's all I can do."
It may be substandard, but just down the block,
I know an old lady who lives in a sock.


Hickory, Dickory, Dock,
Three mice ran up the clock,
The clock struck one,
And the other two got away with minor injuries.


Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
And sat down beside her
So she ate that too.


Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam,
Where the deer and the antelope play.
Where seldom is heard,
A discouraging word,
Cause what can an antelope say?


Starkle, starkle, little twink.
Who the hell you are, I think...

Mary had a little lamb
She thought it rather silly
She threw it up into the air
And caught it by it's willy.

Oh yes, they're all slowly coming back to me now.

Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was astounded.
And everywhere that mary went,
Gyneacologists surrounded.

Mary had a little bear
The bear was good and kind
And everywhere that Mary went
You'd see her bear behind

Since when have words rhyming with duck been "slightly risqué"?

Since April the 4th, apparently.
Although actually I thought it was the horse one that needed the minor warning...not a bit of it, as it transpired.

Oh, the grand old Duke of York,
He had ten thousand men.
He marched them up to the top of the hill,
And he had them all again.

its a while since anyone posted, i dont know if you still check this, but heres an extention to one already posted.


Mary had a little lamb
She found it very silly
One day she threw it in the air
And caught it by its
Willy was a bulldog,
Lying in the grass
Along came a bee and
Stung it in the
Ask me no questions,
I'll tell you no lies
Did you ever see a policeman
Zipping up his
Flies are disgusting,
Fleas are worse,
This is the end of my dirty wee verse.


Its great to read aloud.

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jump over
The candlestick.
Poor aul Jack
He should have jumped higher
Goodness me!
Great balls of fire!

Jack is nimble
Jack is quick
But Jill prefers
The candlestick

Jamie built a guillotine
Tried it out in sister Jean
Said mother as she got the mop
"These messy games have got to stop."

Little seagull, flying by
Dropped a message from the sky
Angry farmer wiped his eye
Thank the Lord that cows can't fly!

Little dog
Crossing street
Motor car
Sausage meat.

and now for a very long one...

His name is Dermot Wall, Dermot Wall, Dermot Wall.
His name is Dermot Wall, Dermot Wall, Dermot Wall.
His name is Dermot Wall, and he only has one...finger
His name is Dermot Wall, Dermot Wall.

He tried to rob a bank, rob a bank, rob a bank.
He tried to rob a bank, rob a bank, rob a bank.
He tried to rob a bank, but he stopped for a...sandwich
He tried to rob a bank, rob a bank.

The coppers they were quick, they were quick, they were quick.
The coppers they were quick, they were quick, they were quick.
The coppers they were quick, and they grabbed him by the...finger.
The coppers they were quick, they were quick.

The copper's name was Hunt, name was Hunt, name was Hunt.
The copper's name was Hunt, name was Hunt, name was Hunt.
The copper's name was Hunt, and he was an awful...person.
The copper's name was Hunt, name was Hunt.

The jury they were slick, they were slick, they were slick.
The jury they were slick, they were slick, they were slick.
The jury they were slick, but they were just a load of...humans.
The jury they were slick, they were slick.

They sent him off to Venus, off to Venus, off to Venus.
They sent him off to Venus, off to Venus, off to Venus.
They sent him off to Venus, and he landed on his...finger.
They sent him off to Venus, off to Venus.

They threw him in the pit, in the pit, in the pit.
They threw him in the pit, in the pit, in the pit.
They threw him in the pit, and they covered him with...sugar.
They threw him in the pit, in the pit.

Humpty dumpty sat on a bed
Little bo peep was giving him head
When he came she started to weep
Coz she could tell by the taste he'd been s***ing her sheep

Starkle starkle little twink
who the heck are you? I think
I'm under what you call
the alfulence of incohol.
I don't know who is me yet
but the older I stand here the longer I get.
So give me one more fink to drill my cup
Because I have all sober to sunday up!

theres more i just cant remember it right now

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