h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi!
Spacecenter chemical lab is open.
Any questions will be responsed...
Wether you wan`t to know what`s best material for your spaceship, or what fuel is best to use---
my tip this month: destilled-C.O.F.F.E.E.-hydrazin,----and your spaceship will awake.
Available (?) here!!
feel welcome!!
Max

Wow all those machines look complicated...

*The Space Center Science Officer, Afgncaap5 enters. He starts browsing through the shelves, but can't seem to find what he's looking for*

I don't suppose you've got any of those new acids that only disolve Mithril, do you? I'm doing an experiment on possible ways to improve the hull structure of the Station.

*The store appears to be empty*

Hello? Anyone? I really need to get on with the hull testings. Is anyone here?

*Dan walks in with a small jar of mud and looks around.*

Where is everybody? I need to get this sample analyzed. It could very well be some hideous space creature out to consume the station. (Or it could be some mud.)

*Sighs*

Here, lemme see it.

*Takes the jar, pulls out a pair of binocu-lenses, and studies the jar for a few seconds*

Okay, it's biological. Of course, it could be anything from a deadly alien to a few harmless tea leaves from the Station's Aroma Cafe. I could tell you more, but I'd need more equipment, and possibly a few chemicals. Course, that'd be easy if I could find some.

*Continues looking around the shelves*

Hi, sorry for waiting Ijust did a longer pause...
Of couse I got your acid.
*going round the shelves.*
Here it is: C6H8NOOPS.
be carefull, it`s smell is disgusting.

And the analytical problem I solve, when I`m back from my two weeks holiday...
but put it inside this.
*opens huge, strange looking box*
If it`s alien material, it better explodes in my alien-absorbing-case.

now I`m on my way to holidays and..
don`t touch anything!!
*walks out, closes door*

Oh, that's too bad. I wanted him to analyze this bottle of "the Masque's Red Election Wine", so that I could put a label on it and put more paranoid consumers at rest. It's magic, you know...

I`M BACK!!! *enters*
Just a moment, I take a look at my alien-box-*opens carefully*.Yes, it exploded--it WAS alien, where is the guy who brought me this? He`s gone, must be because I wasn`t here...*thinking*...but I can`t be here all the time, because of my other lab on Khregsygz 55 ...
but back to my next client. *walks across the room*
What`s this? Wine? Show me, what`s your name, Red Herring? *reaching out hand*

Oh, yes, please allow me to introduce myself. I see you've guessed my name.

I just want to know what exactly is in this wine. I made it with magical grapes -- well, actually, in the interest of full disclosure, majic grapes from Irving Washington's Majic forrest. It has some interesting properties. It adjusts its flavor to the consumer's preference, and it only gets you as drunk as you want to be.

*Looks at Red. Decides not to get into a super hero/villain duel. Looks at Mad Max*

Max, thanks for that acid. If my hypothesis is correct, the hull strength of the station will be increased by twenty-seven percent. We'll then be able to survive everything the Rodentars could throw at us. By that, I mean that there entire fleet crashing into the ship would make this place stable for just enough time to evacuate everyone.

BTW, Max, is that a Thermean Pressure Cooker? It's been a while since I've seen any.

~Refrains from opening fire, and awaits wine analysis~