h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've just been having a sneak preview of one of my birthday presents (hell, it's only 15 minutes early), a book by Jeff Stelling (yay! Jeff!), in which fans of the 92 League clubs are invited to contribute a biography of the worst player ever for their club.

I'd be interested to hear the VSC's opinions on this vital subject, and whether they correspond with the book's.

Scunthorpe's entry was - somewhat predictably - Ian Botham, which is a bit unfair seeing that he was trying to play cricket as well. He can't have been as bad as Ian Ormondroyd anyhow.

Yours?

B

It's a good book, is that. I won it ina competition in the Liverpool Echo when it first came out.

I would say Everton's worst player, worse even than Brett Angell as Jeff's book suggests, has to be Mickael Madar, a Frenhcman who made David Ginola look motivated. They once put the Sky playercam on Madar, and in half an hour he only moved about ten yards either side of the halfway line.

Bl00dy Hell # There are so many potentials at Coventry I'm hard pressed - who did the book come up with ?

I recall a Russian bloke who only played 1 game - but I've forgotten his name.

The book nominates Ysrael Zuniga.

B

WHAT !

Absolute balderdash - must have been some kiddy who's only been watching them 10 years.

Peter Billing - Martin Jol - Andy Pearce - Roger VanGool

I could go on (and on and on)

Unfortunately, the cast majority of the contributions to the book are from the last ten years. It is a bit swayed.

B

Without going back to pre-history the first name that springs to mind is the unfortunate Gus Ceasar! Poor lad seemed so promising but then the errors just began to pile up .....

Then there was Kaba Diawara who, IF one had just gone in off his backside, was always in the right place but just could not score!

Just don't get me started on Pascal the Donkey .....

Gus Caesar got an honourable mention, but the prize went to the immortal John Jensen

B

Did Leeds get Brolin? Or McPhail? Or Duberry? Or post-2002 Ian Harte?

Brolin.

B

Thought so. Big pie muncher that he was.

What about Liverpool then? Thorben Piechnik, maybe?

Argyle's nominated player is Paul Boardman, which is spurious to say the least. He was a YTS striker who never quite made the grade, and made maybe a couple of first team appearances. But I believe he works for Sky in some capacity or other now, which is probably why they went for him.

This is ignoring the claims of many genuine donkeys who have pulled on the green shirt - the likes of Morrys Scott, Greg Campbell and Stuart Elliott (not the one that plays for Hull & Northern Ireland, the one that's been on the books of about 15 league clubs despite being only about 27). Then there's players like Tony Spearing, Mark Quamina, Mark Fiore and more or less the entire David Kemp long-ball team that got us relegated from the old Second Division in the early 90s.

And then there are the no-marks that turned out for us in the dark days in the Third Division pre-Sturrock - non-scoring forwards like St Lucia captain Earl Jean, and Neil Illman who signed for us from non-league and went straight back there, and an out-of-contract-from-Aberdeen centre-back called Scott Paterson who we played in central midfield.

To say nothing of Kevin Nancekivell, an Argyle-supporting dairy farmer from North Devon with a little bit of flair who we signed in desperation from Tiverton Town for £5,000 when he did well in a pre-season friendly against us. He managed six appearances as sub - and, miraculously, a goal - before Sturrock took over, took a quick look at him, and promptly sent him back to the pasture.

Although I'd say our worst player ever was someone who'd played at quite a distinguished level - for the Republic of Ireland, Liverpool when we got him it was on loan from Leeds United. Not a bad player in his day, but when he was with us he Simply. Could. Not. Be. Arsed.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you - Jim Beglin.

I seem to remember we got Mick Quinn on load once and he was atrocious for us.

And I can barely put into words how I felt about Nicky Hammond....

Oh and Peter Swan, surely the worst waste of money that Argyle have ever done....

FB getting quite hot under the collar now

All good points. Big Dave Regis? Robbie Turner?

Dave Regis, I had forgotton about him...

Seems he scored everywhere apart from Argyle....

Whoever wrote that is completely bonkers! While just checking out Jensen's record I noticed Jimmy the Carthorse, Pal Lydersen, Glen Helder and Eddie McGoldrick! What complete horrors those four bring to mind!!!

Was it the result of a poll ? Or is it an individual fan from each club ?