h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Would the giant frond creatures like to come and play a game of volleyball with us? Fronds versus skins...

and fruity daquiris all around!

It would be a bit of a slow game, and we might have to teach them the rules. How many fronds do we reckon they should be allowed to use?

}Good question...{

l think frond-usage should be directly linked to a handicapping system based on how many fruity daquiris have been consumed. The drunker you are, the more fronds/hands/pseudopods/{insert your appendage of choice here...hmm...l don't quite think that's the phrasing l meant...} you're able to use. Fair?
Mmm. Daquiris.

hmm by "fronds" what exactly do you mean?

What do l mean?
Exactly what you think...

Well, that's cleared that all up, I see... So, who is ref?

If he's someone famous I hope it isn't Victor Meldrew as then he'd be cross ref!

*falls on floor giggling*

l'm thinking that to avoid any suggestion of inspecies bias, we'd better pick a referee of a species that is neither frond-creatutre (can l just call them ferns? Ferns have fronds...) nor human...how about the turtles in the opening credits of Meldrew's sitcom?
That or lichen. l bet lichen could be neutral.

[floats up behind Odradek, waving hands and mewing]

*Reenters forum after long absence, wondering what's going on...*

::looks at Mew, blinks...then fashions a life-ring out of several towels and some little paper cocktail umbrellas and dives off of her alligator-shaped pool-float raft, heading in Mew's general direction. Decides, on her way, as unofficial bartender on this trip, to enquire as to Mew's beverage of choice::


}Care for a drink when we wind up on shore?{

I think the lichen is the best choice.
Some of us, though, have wings....

[Oh. Sorry about the misinterpretation. Mew was actually hovering in midair. He thought that he fit the requirements for being the ref.]

Oh. Well, then, by all means. Here, take these ::hands Mew a striped towel, to simulate a ref's outfit, and a whistle, idly wondering if these few items will be enough to even marginally keep order over this lot...maybe l should supply some sort of firearm, or at least a spatula, or something.:: Can you quite manage, Mew?

I'm sure Mew can.
In the meantime, I'm going to get on with my swimming in the Yellow Submarine - anyone else can join me.

}Of course I can.{

}But first we need to make a few more statements where "you" and "Mew" are interchangeable and sound funny when "Mew" is used with the stress that "you" usually gets.{

I think I know what Mew mean.

Mwee!