h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As it's gone midnight in England, this is as good a time as any to launch the Monday counter.

Not much has happened over the weekend; not much ever does, as a rule. The IIEM continues to run on autopilot most of the time, while caretakers try to fill the shoes of the august and abset Irving Washington.

We have an excellent range of blended coffees and fine teas, as well as specials of all kinds. Our pastry section features Joanna's donuts, soon to be available in kosher form, as well as Archbishop Marvin's Blessed Brownies, fresh cinnamon buns from Australia and home-baked mbougatses from Lil.

Welcome in. We get all the newspapers, and our orangutan Ook is a scrabble champion.

Any chance of getting a First to the Forum special, Lil?

*bounds in*
The RHIC pictures are up, tra la, tra la!
Sigh. Pity the Universe didn't implode, but l suppose one can't have everything...

Hi, Odradek!

Umm, I've been out of touch for a couple of days... RHIC?

Oh...the Relativistic Heavy lon Collider. 'S in Brookhaven Rhode lsland, and it's a giant particle accelerator supposed to whack together lots of gold ions in order to simulate the starting of the Universe through recreating quark-gluon plasma.

Basically it's the cosmic equivalent of putting stuff in the microwave in order to see what it does. They're melting down a quark.

Anyway, in order to do this they're generating lots of energy, on the subatomic level, at least, and there were several theories that these experiments might just bring about the end of Life as we know it, by one of three means: turning Earth into a giant black hole, collapsing the entirety of space by putting it into a reverse-vacuum state,in which all forms of matter and particles as we know them could no longer exist, or turning Earth into a ball of "strange matter" by producing a "strangelet" that would eat the planet.

However, none of these things have happened. Yet. So it would appear, unless we've failed to notice. Rather a pity, really. How often do you get a chance to observe firsthand the collapse of Existence?
Whew. l'm thirsty after that.

Hmmm... if they were simulating the start of the universe, it would have been interesting if they'd actually suceeded in creating a universe. Then the scientists of that universe could come up with theories like... 'the universe began millions of years ago in Brookhaven Rhode Island'.

IIEM, Redbeard's Brew, please. *gets coffee*
After your last experience, you may want to avoid this, Odradek

Actually, l do have to say, l rather enjoyed the coffee...not drinking it, per se...just looking at it. lt's sort of like liquid Rothko...as long as none of that fairy dust's around, that is...

*heads over to llEM*
Want anything, Diogenes?
*cat flips tail once*
Righto.
llEM? Cinnamon roll, Redbeard's Brew and vanilla ice cream, please.

*watches as beverage is prepared*
*llEM produces one cup of coffee...then proceeds to add cinnamon to the cup*
Oh dear. This doesn't look right at all...
l hope l didn't confuse the thing with my order...
*llEM then proceeds to add one scoop vanilla ice cream to RBB. Upon making contact with the absolute blackness of the coffee, the absolute whiteness of the ice cream combines with it in a matter-antimatter reaction, bathing the cafe in a flash of light. When it clears, the ice cream has been absorbed completely by the coffee, black-hole like. Not a trace remains.*
Uh oh...

Hmmmm... interesting. Don't usually put anything in Redbeard's Brew, for now obvious reasons Don't worry, doesn't do anything really, just sucks it up and stays black.

Hi Digi! Diogenes is such a beautiful cat, and a peaceful presence here at the café.

You're right about that fairy dust. Fortunately I haven't seen any recently. I think Lil got it cleaned up pretty well. It was bothering my allergies.

*Digi inspects cup of liquid, sniffs, and goes over to say hello to Redbeard*
Digi:
}Hello. As Odra's been displaying her shocking incompetence, could you please order me one scoop of vanilla ice cream?{


Oh, did l mention he can do that? When he feels like it, of course. Tempramental sort..

*resumes prodding the ice cream-coffee combination with fascinated wonder. Removes pen and pad from backpack, and begins to take notes*

*stirring coffee*
This is fascinating. lt's taken on the ice cream, which has cooled it, and altered its texture, so it's something like a milkshake or frozen cappuchino...but it hasn't lightened it a whit. lt just stays...black. lts composition is unaltered.

*pokes at it with spoon*

You know, Redbeard...l think this coffee of yours must have some sort of subatomic significance. lt just converts all matter to...well...to itself.
l think l read about this in some of the RHIC literature...
Great Scott, do you know what this means? Your coffee is a form of strange matter!

*looks oddly at Digi*
You know... I could swear I just... *shrugs*
Hey, Digi, want some ice cream?
*puts some in a dish and gives it to Digi who laps at it eagerly, yet hesitantly, due to how cold it is*

Redbeard's Brew is certainly strange, but I don't think it's strange matter All I know is, it's really good coffee, but then I like it very dark. Not even sure where it comes from. Most of the stuff from the IIEM is actually obtained from somewhere/when else -- it's the way infinite improbability usually works. I believe I heard Irv say once that he spends a lot of time making all the coffee and drinks that the IIEM has already dispensed, a concept that is somewhat mindboggling.

I assume Irv has/will have created either an amazingly dark blend in the future that the IIEM is grabbing, or that the IIEM alters it in some way on its way here.

Ook, on the other hand, came through when the IIEM was acting up, so there's some real confusion on where he actually originated.

>Ook: Ook!<
That's OK, Ook.. It doesn't matter. We're just glad you're here now.

Digi:
}Yes, you did just hear me speaking to you. Thank you for the ice-cream, and so forth.{

*licks paws and whiskers, curls up on couch*

Well, so that's Diogenes, for you...
*sips at coffee, finds it pleasant; cold, still strong, but with a mild hint of cinnamon*
Mm. Not bad. Though l'm averting my gaze, so as to avoid hallucinations...though l'm blaming the fairy dust. Bothered my allergies, as well, it did, crazy stuff.
l've not met this lrv yet; before my time, l guess, though he sounds a nice fellow.

So how're you?

*enters, looking timidly around crowded room, waiting for someone to explain what IIEM means so can order coffee and cinammon bun*
Hi there Odradek, Redbeard, Diogenes and Ook. I'm Tashalls, new to the Aroma Cafe.
*Hopes haven't missed anybody else*

Hiya, Tashalls. The llEM stands for "lnfinite lmprobablility Espresso Machine." lt makes the drinks here, when the cafe caretakers don't apppear to be about. Just tell it whatever you'd like to have, and it'll take care of the rest.

Irving Washington is the proprietor of this café, off on journeys this summer, leaving the café in the capable caretaker hands of Lil and B-17. I met him briefly on one of his stopovers last week, I believe. We ocassionally get a postcard or phone call from him.

I'm doing fine. Popped up to Chicago last night for a benefit party for a theatre company. I'm chair of the board of the company so I needed to be there... that'll teach me to miss the meeting when they elect officers! I've also got the Illinois Shakespeare Festival opening in two weeks here which is keeping me busy designing programs, plus doing photography and web stuff and helping to get things ready for opening night in our new theatre.

Hi Tashalls!

Good to see you made it to the cafe! Welcome.
>Ook: Ook!<
Ah yes, Ook is saying hi as well. As you can see, he is a blue sumatran orangutan who showed up when the IIEM was on the blink and Vlad was trying to order blue sumatran coffee. He doesn't speak much more than 'Ook', but he's a killer scrabble player and also likes to play tiddlywinks and do the crosswords.

The IIEM will serve up just about anything you'd like to drink, except alcoholic beverages.

*saunters over to IIEM, whistling jauntily*
Long black, two sugars and a cinammon bun from the sunny shores of Australia, please.
*looks over shoulder to where scrabble board set up...dare I challenge an orangutan to a game?*
So, Odradek, congrats on graduating. But don't worry, there ain't nothing worth knowing out here that high school can teach you.
*sits down at scrabble board, looks at Ook warily*
How about a game?
>Ook: Ook!<
Is it seven pieces or nine?
>Ook: Ook!<
Seven, okay. Let's scabble.

You got the hang of it Tashalls. Those cinammon buns are good.

Now, Ook... go easy on her. It's her first time here.
>Ook: Ook!<
Allright, Ook

It's funny how I've seen you around so many places in the past few hours Tashalls... There actually are a lot more people around h2g2 usually Just a quiet time.

*forehead furrowed in intense concentration on particularly difficult letter lottery*
Yeah, at the moment I am cruising who is online, seeing what other members are posting to their home pages and trying to get into the community spirit.
This seems to be the place to interact.
It is also a great method of work avoidance.
*grins*