h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

WHY WHEN I GO ON THE TUNELBANA (METRO) IN STOCKHOLM WITH APROX 80 OTHER HUMANOIDS IS IT TOTALY SILENT AND NO ONE MAKES EYE CONTACT IS PERHAPS A NEW GAME IS THE FIRST ONE TO SPEAK OR LOOK AT ANYONE "OUT"
WHY DO I FEEL LIKE DOING A SONG AND DANCE ROUTINE IN THIS SITUATION?
BAMMO.

Shhhhh... You'll wake the elks up and then there'll be hell to pay, look what happened when Mercedes did, with its A-Class.

You don't want to disturb Elks. Then again, you don't want to disturb Mercedes A-Class drivers either. They can both get rather grouhy at you if you peeve them slightly. However, leave them alone, (or let them cut you up without swearing at them, if they are in a Merc) and they will be your friend for life!

Anyway, as a former 'Autobianchi A112' driver I can tell you that you can make
almost the same experience you can have driving a Mercedes Class A near an elk.
And with the A112 you haven't even the need of an elk.

Having experienced the same thing in London, I would have to conclude that everyone travelling on underground trains all over the world does the same thing. In London, people often employ the 'Evening Standard' newspaper as a device to avoid having to look at anyone - which is the only thing that would explain its continued sales.

I look at peoples feet
however I was thrown off a train once for throwing fish to
a lady wearing a black full length veil ....
well i thought she was a penguin ....ooops

Concept: Perhaps it would be ill advised for people to make eye contact. Observation: on making eye contact Party A is obliged to think of something witty or intelligent to say to Party B. Party B likewise struggles hard to think of something witty and intelligent to say to Party A. Both parties end up in a Hoffstadter Mobius loop endlessly considering what to say to eachother. If allowed to continue society could conceivably grind to a halt laying waste to all until Parties C&D arrive to and suggest going to a party where there can be found interesting drinks, snacks and attractive parties X,Y&Z and Party W who does interesting things with her anatomy.

Of course, the people who don't have a copy of the Evening Standard cannot make eye contact because they are too busy trying to read the headlines without the owners of said newspapers noticing.

A similar thing happens on Romford buses but it's 14 to 15 year olds LOOKING at the "Daily Sport" and sniggering.
For those who don't know what the "Daily Sport" is it's a paper based on headlines such as "My Hamster looks like elvis" and
"Cows abducted Glen Miller" and also contains many pictures of the female section of humanoids showing of their
Two largest assets. These don't tend to be there brain power.

The paper thing also seems to be a desire to have more elbow room. People with large newspapers spread out alarmingly, thus giving themselves up to three seats. So, it's physical, as well as eye contact they are seeking to avoid.

Best method for avoiding contact on tubes: grin inanely and stare directly at people until they look away. They'll all think you're mad and leave you alone to muse on the fact that the tube map looks nothing like the surface of the city it is under.

Could be two reasons - 1) you want to entertain the Silent Ones, sad as they are 2) you want to upset them or shock them into realising how sad they are. But Silence is a non-threatening defence mechanism. Think about it. How long could we all keep up the openness of spirit that being friendly to total strangers all the time would entail? I think it would require super-human effort (I am choosing these words carefully) which is why we only manage it about twice a year in UK - around Christmas time and on very hot days (OK, maybe once a year then). It IS sad I agree but there are just TOO many people out there. The ideal way to experience the best of human nature is to get out on the road and stick your thumb out. You'd be amazed at the kindness and friendliness of VERY ORDINARY PEOPLE (probably some of them are mostly Silent in tube trains). The effect of safety (own car) and small numbers (driver +passenger(s)) makes people extraordinarily Talkative.

When I lived in London and commuted by tube I hated this silence/looking into space thing. Then I discovered that the right combination of paperback book and walkman made the journey fly. Don't try this with a REALLY good book and a REALLY good tape or you find yourself at the last stop on the line an hour late for work.
The commonly held belief is that talking on underground trains is the province of beggars, the mad, tourists and drunks. For some reason all these people are thought to be best avoided.

Oh and by the way...has anyone ever bought an air conditioning system because they saw an advert for one in a tube? Thought not. It ranks alongside 'mmm...Hampton Court - now that looks like a great day out' and 'a job with the transport police - how interesting.' as thoughts not to have.

It's not just buses and trains. I never seem to have a copy of the 'Evening Standard' when I have to use the lift! This is where the proverbial towel could be useful. Simply throw it over your head on entry and no one will take the slightest bit of notice!

I Prefer the adverts that say 'Your going to DIE!' and 'Inspectors are everywhere'. With Adds like these it's no surprise the Tubes are so cheery.

My favorite adverts are ones that say things like "isn't travelling on the tube fun!!!" when you're sitting in one and thinking quite the opposite. Also, the "carnet", actually quite a bargain in France, allowing a 50% discount, made it over to the UK in name only, since it offers only 10% off and, as far as I'm aware, a kick in the bejangas to disuade people from buyung one.

On the subway in Toronto, people generally assume what they imagine to be the correct attitude for subway riders in New York. As mentioned above, any active interface with fellow passengers is considered to be the exclusive realm of the mad. On one occassion I had the chance to see The Mad attempting to make their realm more exclusive. On most subway cars there are seats facing into the aisle. The rationale seemingly is to make the journey even more disorienting than if all the seats faced the direction of travel. On this particular journey, one of these seats was occupied by a late middle-aged man dressed like a turnip farmer (Toronto is not noted for it's many turnip farmers). Beside him were two plastic garbage bags (bin liners). After noticing the usual list of things that habitual subway riders force themselves to notice, in order to pass the time with a minimum of human contact, I noticed that Mad Farmer was talking to himself from the corner of his mouth. I then noticed that he seemed to be talking about the other passengers; he would make a sly comment, then chuckle about it. It then became obvious that he was, in fact, talking about the other passengers to his garbage bags. I have often wondered about the Mad Farmer; about what or who was in his garbage bags; about whether or not he heard any replies; about how long he travelled with his mysterious cargo/friends. Mostly, I suppose, I wonder what he found so ammusing about the people mad farmers have to share the subway with.

Perhaps he was cunningly hiding two small friends in his bin bags, thus reducing his fare by two-thirds.

Or is a schizophrenic with smelly laundry.

Hey! Can I have Party W's phone number?