h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If one avoids Donner kebabs - A meat(?) delicacy best savoured at 11:49pm on a wet Wednesday in Wigan.
Made from an animal obviously highly toxic in its uncooked state. i.e. in a pitta bread, smoothered in chilli source and salad.

In reply to a comment rearding Donner Kebabs, these are best eated after a strange night in a strange nightclub, when you are sure that eating anything will cause an instantly bad effect.
With regards to the "Earth" How long until we blow ourselfs away ???
And have you ever noticed how the people of countries dont normally want to WAR!????

Aha, there speaks a wise person indeed. Maybe the Earth per se is indeed mostly harmless although those who have had unfortunate experiences courtesy of volcanoes, earthquakes, lightning, or indeed small lumps of soil may disagree.

Perhaps the entry "mostly harmless" should be amended to read something along the lines of "mostly harmless if viewed from a safe distance although visitors are recommended to exercise extreme caution when approaching any of the carbon-based bipedal life-forms roaming its surfance."

Or something.

Hurts Vanrental, Nr 26883

Its not the kebab but the grease that runs up your elbow that contains all the ffflllavour ! shlurp !

Solution:Humous (that's crushed pulses,garlic and tahini)in Pitta Bread.
Caution: May destroy vampires

I agree about the Houmos.... don't think its a bad idea considering what it'll do to those dang vampyres.......

Most observant my bipedal friend.
You fail to have noticed, however, that Earth is 'Mostly Harmless' to it's many hordes of Alien visitors, because they are always sent on cheap package tours to the safe, touristy bits.
Where they are forced to drink Whatneys Red Barrel and get horrifically sunburnt like a tin of Safeways Plum Tomatos.
Abe

This grease can be used on small aircraft of any discription. Earthly or otherwise.!!!!

Hummm, i always find a medium rare stake through the hart to be a better bet.

We don't won't blow ourselves away, coz the vogons are gonna do it for us. The impending time of this event will be noticeable by the distinct absence of Dolphins.

So if I understood this right, when we've killed all our dolphins we get blown away by the vogons! I think we should support Greenpeace more than we did so far!!!!

Hummus! - (speaking of library paste!)
You might do better stuffing that pita with ground round, pepperoni and hot peppers. Personally, I don't know any vampires, but this would surely make them think about changing their life-style.
Or, conversely, think about raspberries & whipped cream for a filling. Wouldn't this cloy their tastebuds?

Warning: Recent observations have indicated that all Hitch Hikers should avoid the consumption of the Earth Delicacy known as Donargh Ciebarp. Recent evidence compiled by Ford Prefect would suggest that the highly contagious parasitical organism known as the Toodonnawitchillsarce resides in the delicacy until consumed. Whereupon it makes it's way via the lymphatic system to the unsuspecting recipients brain and promptly induces a neurotic condition requiring the suffer to to make non sensible guide entries and prone to spellinf mistokkes glargh!

Please note the strange creature that placed the message about the parsitic (CANT SPELL) thingy has now been crushed by a large foot. We can all breath and miss spell again without fear of strange things going glug glug in the night, or day, but it depends where you are.
Grammer seem to ave escapeoided me.

I don't think that streetwise travellers should lose sleep over possible germs/toxins contained in doner kebabs.
You should show concern however to the unfortunate Pachyderms who have unwittingly stumbled upon a ruthless kebab restauranteur and left the scene hopping on three legs!!

raspberrys and cream would indeed make a great filling for the kebab - however as any wise earth drinker will know
the effects of a kebab are bad enough after excessive consumption of that earth drink known as beer - never mind the effects of cream on said beverage

Nope we don't kill the dolphins they bale out before we do. The Vogons probably won't kill us on the ground Official British standards / ISO documents are slightly more boring than Vogon poetry.

What's wrong with vampires apart from being a pain in the neck (Sorry for that).
Some of my best mates are vampires and are in general great fun to be with.
Who else apart from the Moscow State Circus can hang upside down from the luggage bars in trains.
By the way crosses don't work and neither doe's garlic.
Only problem is that you need to wear some form of neck protecting but spiked collers or chains will do this.

I think the whole point about the entry "Mostly Harmless" is that is does take into account, in the most beautifully succinct way, the fact that every now and then bad stuff does happen, but that on the whole, life is good here.

What would be considered a safe distance?