h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Why do most people assume that a man and a woman can't possibly be "Just Good Friends". Why is it seen as almost eneviatable that you will want to shag each other senseless? And because you seem to spend a lot of time having to explain your platonic friendship then you get the old "no smoke without fire" bit!!
I am interested to hear what others think! As we both have partners, I am concerned that the situation can affect other people! Any advice welcome!!

I have had friendships with males which were completely platonic, or I thought so. Then when I met one of them years later, he indicated that if I had made a move he could have been all mine. Perhaps my communication skills were not that great, or perhaps that was just as well. If I had known he was waiting for a sign from me, it would have broughts the friendship to a complete end.

At last, I get a reply!
I know it can seem tempting to take it further and just have a shag now and then, but it would ruin the trust thing. I don't want sex to come between us and break the special bond we have. Its almost like a brother/sister bond, so in a way, us having sex would almost feel like incest.
My partner accepts that it is never going to get to that; although I feel that his partner is not so sure! But then, thats a trust issue between them I guess!
Anyone else got anything to add?

Well! I still have a very vivid memory of my father telling me that no such thing existed as a platonic friendship between a man and a woman, and so I have spent an unreasonable amount of time, throughout my life, thinking about just that.
From my point of view I have had a number of friendships with men which I regarded as totally platonic - but then - witness your own example - you'd have to ask them to be sure that it was the case for both of us, otherwise I guess they'd have to fall into the 'unrequited' section, and would fail to qualify.
Personally I've stopped worrying about it. Why define everything? If a relationship of any description feels good for God's sake grab it while you can. We're a long time dead. But what I would say is that in my experience a 'spent' romantic relationship which turns into a 'platonic' one can be one of the best - I think.......

Yes, in the following circumstances:


i) There isn't any sexual or romantic attraction between the male and the female (this has been known to happen)

ii) The male and female involved might feel and frankly admit to an attraction. But they are both established with other people and both of them are adult and sensible to know that if they acted upon it, they'd be risking causing a lot of damage and wrecking existing relationships. I think of this as "mutually auusred destruction" which keeps both parties on the straight and narrow - ie, being mature enough to realsie that just because an attraction exists, you don't HAVE to act on it: you can acknowledge it's there, even laugh and joke about it, but while accepting it you can both set it aside and do other things. I've had - in fact, still have - some marvellously fond friendships with people to whom this applies, one of whom is Herself's slightly older sister! (We both know that having an affair would be playing with dynamite and woefully selfish and self-indulgent, so we just don't - but we can enjoy being around each other on so many other, more permissible, levels)

one of my biggest problems in my last relationship (it ended partly because of this) was my jealousy at her having so many friends, male friends, most of whom (about 5 of them) she'd slept with or had a relationship with. I didnt trust her, still dont, in fact the relationship has been over for about 4 months and i'm still creasing at the stomach thinking about this. It was a long distance relationship so there was already stress put upon us. But her defence for having all these ex-boyfriends as freinds was that she'd already had a relationship with them and so knew that she didnt want to be with them, she didnt want to go down that way again. Which is understandable to a certain extent, but totally creasing when she refuses to accept my unhappiness with the situation.

Anyway, that went on the a year, and i was the one who ended up kissing someone else. I, the guy who was so frustrated by her going out for "innocent" drinks with ex-boyfriends, cheated on her.

Main problem was my lack of trust, second problem was her refusing to accept my feelings as important.

nothing to do with your post now, i may as well be talking about rhubarb and custard (yum)