h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[tall, derisively handsome stranger enters (hey, it's my turn) and ignores everybody but the landlord]

I'm achin' for a pint, Mate, and I'd be happy to play a tune in exchange for a tall one...

[stranger looks around, hops over the bar, finds a glass on the shelf, and leans into the draught handle]

So far, I like this place very, very much.

[stranger moves a stool around behind the bar next to the Adnam's tap and settles in]

Ahhh.

[pretty barmaid appears, asks stranger if she can do anything for him]

Can you bend over... and take a step to the right? I can't see the match on telly...

[barmaid says:]
Well, I meant... since there's no-one about, if there was something I COULD DO FOR YOU...

[stranger says:]

Well, if we really are alone here, you really could do something for me, sweetheart. Could you turn off that bloody machine in the corner that makes so much noise I canna hear the bloody match?!!

[barmaid pouts..]
Yes, I can do that, if that's all you want. [complies]

[stranger smiles, reaches into his trousers, and drags forth a length of battered pipe]

Lady, you have made my day. Allow me to play a you a tune on my flute in way of thanks.

[he begins to play]

[largish men, hitherto unnoticed, arise from the public house furniture and begin to utter sounds of pain]

What in 'ell is that racket? Begone, ye dog of 'ell! [they say]

[the largish men grasp the stranger and project him bodily outwards from the front door of the P.H. He is later discovered by friends, his flute nowhere to be seen. They later find it shoved up his... sleeve.]

Ummm...

*wonders what happened in here last night*

I really should check back here more often, I didn't see this one.

*pours , and *

Here you all go.

*takes the whilst still looking confused*
Thanks Menza

Thats OK.

*sips *
Thanks anyway though

Like another?

Thank you
*Has a strange feeling of de-ja-vu so offers Menza a drink to vary it slightly*
Drink ?

*splutters, then looks confused and flustered*

I don't know what to do, this hasn't happened before.

*considers whacking Menza on the back to stop him spluttering but settles for a gentle pat instead*
To make you feel more at home I could start singing and talking about cake? But it is quite worrying, maybe I should just revert to saying thank you and grinning

*sighs*

Back to familiar ground again.

As long as you're sure that familiar ground is better...considering I was listening to the Britney album earlier me singing may not be such a good thing

Why not, its got to be better than Britney.

I doubt me singing Britney songs would be such a great improvement, especially as I insist on keeping the very poor spoken bits in