h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If you stand over 5'10", the book you want will be on the bottom shelf.
If you stand under 5'4", the book you want will be on the top shelf.
If you stand between 5'4" and and 5'10", the book you want will be checked out until next February 31st.

If you are under 5'4" and stand on a library stool to reach the top
shelf, the stool will have wheels that don't lock and you'll fall off.
If you are over 5'10" and sit on the floor to reach the bottom shelf
some shortarse will fall off the stall onto your outstretched arm.

Sorry - I meant "stool" not "stall"
There are deep Freudian complications in my
relationship to libraries.

When I've gone into the library and found exactly what I'm looking for, the book is always in reference and cannot be removed.
Alternately, I've also been unable to find what was once there because the library must cater to the "popular" crowd and has discarded all the books that are older than the "popular borrower". (That usually means anything before 1970.)

Fruitbat

And then there's the book in the reference section that is regarded as a 'classic' or 'seminal' text on whatever you're studying that is listed as stocked by the library but has disappeared from its shelves and archive rooms. (In my case it was 'The Art of Software Testing' by Glenford Myers which disappeared from Birmingham Reference Library when I wanted to consult the book for my MSc dissertation. Not only that, but every university library in the city - Birmingham has 3 universities - either didn't have it or had it out on long-term loan! )

In a bizarre cross-refernce to the 'buying something expensive' thread on this topic:
"If only you'd said. I had said book at Aston Uni and have subsequently lost it (the book and the plot "
But if you still want the book, Birmingham has two fantastic book shops.
Of course in both cases the computing books are on the top floor and computing books are invariably very heavy...but that's for another thread.

The book I mentioned is small and comparatively thin (only 177 pages), and yet still has a recommended price £70 or more (£59 from amazon.co.uk or £63 from compman.co.uk). I managed to find a copy in a second-hand book shop in Alnwick when Richard and I were on holiday in Northumberland. It only set me back £4.50. (And no, it doesn't have 'Property of Duncan Jones' on the fly-leaf!)

Were the book pre-owned by me it would have "Ex Datis: Duncan Jones" because of a dangerous mixture of pretentiosness and an inadequate education. If anyone could verify the latin part of that, I'd sleep a little more easily.

Try 'Ex Libris: Duncan Jones', i.e. from the library (literally books) of Duncan Jones.

I was trying to do a play on that - you see if you were to get stickers printed "Ex Libris" then you couldn't stick them to floppies/CDs etc. without a repressed Latin master phobia coming to light. Hence "Ex. Datis" = "From the information of"

Of course, this would then be "ex cognis" (From the thoughts of...)