h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When waiting for an elevator, the next to arrive is ALWAYS going the wrong way.

It can be going your way, but if it is, it will be full of the sort of tossers who use the lift to go up one floor. When you get to the next floor, they will get all out (obviously) and a whole new batch of them will get in.

Either that, or it will go up to the 24th floor, fall to the 19th, stop for a while and say in some rediculous female voice "we seem to be experiencing minor technical difficulties", go back up to the 24th floor, drop again, at which point you hit the button for the 20th and get the hell out of there!

Aside from annoying mechanical voices announcing which floor is approaching (which is equally obvious by looking up at the numbers above the door), there are a few other situations to avoid when possible:

-At sf conventions, most of the activity is in the Party Wing. Some hotels have located these in their towers: usually an average of 10 floors and only two lifts. Since the hotel is invariably sold out by con-goers at the better hotels, and these fans are always charging about with new mates, purchases and costumes, the lifts are ALWAYS packed in both directions and usually running a couple of days late.
To cope with this, get on whichever lift actually STOPS, regardless of how full it is and ride it until the desired floor arrives. This compounds the problem for everyone else, but it does save charging up the staircases of the towers just to put a book away.

-Office blocks that have a "security" feature of locking the stair access on the staircase-side. A small note by the lift says "ride up one floor and walk down two" or something like that (office-workers need SOME exercise and walking downstairs is easier than walking up one). The drawback to this plan is that the building security arbitrarily locks the doors to some floors so that people cannot access them from the stairwell. This usually happens after running down two flights and finding that both the destination-door and the one on either floor of it are all locked.

-Some lifts have door-timers set so that even the most handicapped person can get aboard in ample time. This is perfectly reasonable, except that the door-close button takes about the same amount of time to register that the button's been pushed to close the doors and then actually close them.

Fruitbat

If you get stuck, it will be on Friday night or, alternatively, on the 23rd of December.

If the lift is empty and going your way, you step in only to discover the last occupant smoked. What do you do?

I have a choice, get off or hold my breath.

Is being asthmatic a lame excuse? I think not. Is the sinsus pain it triggers a lame excuse? I think not.

Those who would like to smoke in lifts should be made to take the stairs; this would do them some good. Alternatively, they should be invited to jump from the top floor; this would do us some good and save them a long and painful death from lung cancer.

Well I haven't the foggiest of where you are located but in every single location I have used an elivator here in the states the signs exspressly prohibit smoking. If it is true there too these people should be linched, its a fire hazard and heaven forbid the elevator goes haywire from the smoke alarm that are installed in some. Either these people are illiterate or just plain ignorant.
And do escalators fall into this category? It is inevitable that when in a hurry some jerk will stand on the left side, the unspoken rule being this is the walk/run side. And no ammount of gripping gets them to move aside or forward.

Well, if you think that's bad consider this: where I work somebody passes wind in the lift and gets off. I often walk in and as soon as the doors close I realise what happened. At this stage I start considering what to do if somebody will come on the lift before I get off. Of course they'll think it was me! Any suggestions? Is there a "liftiquette?"

And also: the best way to get the lift to arrive at your floor is to say out loud "I've had enough of waiting! I'll get the stairs!". If that doesn't give the expected result usually all you need to do is to pretend that you are going towards the stairs. The lift will be there in no time! (Actually sometimes it gets there as soon as you start climbing up the stairs!)

Actually there is an easy explanation for this... It goes something like this: if you are waiting for a lift going down it usualy means that there is a large number of floors below you where people can come up from and continue up.... The opposite is true for when you are waiting for a lift upwards.... voila simple as that

The lifts in Hong Kong all carry the prohibition:
"When there is a fire , do not use this lift."
I hope they mean "If there is a fire...."

In my experience, the majority of smokers are immune to reason or the comfort of others where their habit is concerned. While I've yet to encounter a lift that allows smoking, the recently-smoked person will still carry the powerful aroma of smoke in their clothing and on their breath. While this isn't as bad as outright smoking in a lift, it's equally annoying, and most smokers either don't or won't get this.

That's sometimes enough to set off an asthma attack....especially in close quarters and pathetic air-conditioning.

Fruitbat

This must be the corollary to the forum on waiting for busses: someone lights a smoke, or becomes engrossed in a good book, the bus will appear/leave too quickly.
When someone's fed up with waiting for a lift and takes to the stairs, the lift shows up within seconds.

Now, if we could do something about those twits that thinks that by pressing the already-pressed car-hail button on the lift, it will appear more quickly. (Maybe a computer-voice that tells them that the lift's got the message and will be along shortly...? Or maybe something like: you're obviously too dim to use this lift, go take the stairs..?)

Fruitbat

Wouldn't it be easier just to make the button light up and become live once it had been pressed the first time? Could provide much-needed entertainment for the others already waiting.
A similar setup that activated whenever anyone got in and pressed the button for the next floor could help remove much unnecessary local traffic.

Actualy the truth about it is since sadly I used to smoke I have personal insight on this, the smokers don't notice the smell. They have grown so accustomed to the smell on their clothes and all other posessions that it has desensitized their nose. No kidding, thought it was myth when I smoked. But since I quit couple years back, I recently noticed when my roomate decided that the no smoking in the flat policy didn't apply to him. Well heres how it goes, He has mates over, all of them smokers no less and presto his room reaks like a sleazy bar lounge at happy hour(from under the door no less, and no I don't know what a lounge smells like but I can quess) I kindly told him what the... er...HecK! did he think he was doing smoking in the flat. Well he non-chalantly replied I haven't been smoking, what are you talking about? I told him Don't try to lie I can smell it from the other end of the hall way. Which he replied to "I don't smell anything you must be nuts." Now I maybe stressed out occasionaly but I do not hallucinate smells or dingy gray air filtering from beneath a door. So they have no clue that they reak to high heaven, honest! Bizzare too.

On this subject, when on a night out, you can't smell the smoke in the bar. However, the next morning, when you put yesterday's clothes in the washing pile, they smell like an ashtray! Why can't you smell the smoke the night before?

That certainly might be easier, however the average person insists on pressing the already-obviously-pressed button themselves because the car still hasn't arrived and instant service is expected.....
The same applies to the buttons on the inside of the car: press the door-close button and they wait for a a few seconds before deciding what to do. I keep remembering the shot in ALIENS when Hicks and Riipley hit the lift, with the aliens approaching, and press the button for the car to move....and nothing happens until the alien appears and almost gets in with them before being shot. THEN the doors close and it starts moving.
I often wonder if the electronics-designers took a message from that about the speed of door-operations....or maybe they know that nobody'll be attacked by an ALIEN when using one of their lifts, and didn't bother to account for it.

Fruitbat