h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think you are underestimating them. You should never underestimate the enemy. The Aliens are powerful and indeed much more cunning than you can imagine.

In any case, I do not believe that Bob is actually an Alien himself. I believe he has been affected by one of the electronic Alberts, namely, his PC, as well as by some of the older Alberts, namely silly string. The evidence quoted above backs this up; I refer you to the glow of Bob's face in particular.

Maybe Bob actually believes it when he says "...Unfortunately, it had left its I/O tenticle in my brain, the removal of which would cause major hemmoraging. This means that to this day I have a slight link with the Alien mind controlling these creatures, ...". In fact, I believe what has happened is that these Aliens in fact do still control him, but they use him to their advantage. This is almost certainly due to the multiple Alberting that he has suffered. It is only in the times where he is not actively being monitored by the Aliens that he is able to subvert the Albert that is still in his brain, and tell us the truth.

Great. No one here has given me any reason to believe that normal non-alien people are named albert. Now I'm scared to death of Royal Albert Hall. Thank you.

Well, a quick search for fellow Researchers with the name Albert:

http://www.h2g2.com/search.cgi?email=albert

...reveals that in fact only two people have "Albert" as a first name (and only eight exist with Albert in any part of their name, email address or nickname). However, they may not even be real people, as a quick examination of their respective user entries reveals:

http://www.h2g2.com/U28775
http://www.h2g2.com/U31163

The only person I have ever heard of called "Albert" was in fact "Albert Einstein", who as we all know was really a renegade Alien who did not believe that taking humans over using silly string was a sound idea and so decided that he would try taking us over using a much more subtle method -- by removing our useful resources. And he seems to have succeeded, all the superintelligent humans are currently distracted by the problems he invented, and are thus unable to build any useful defences against the aliens' Alberts or, in fact, to even recognise that there is a threat.

Hey Mike A, the fact that I don't know you gives you more chance...if what the others say is true (not that it is you understand) then they are in great danger from Alberting, whereas you are fine. I did not have a useful dream last night, but I shall tonight. Oh yes. And Nobby: you are correct in your assumption that they are more cunning than you can possibley imagine, for they are not constrained by our tiny minds.

More will be around later.

Bob

Was Einstein pre or post Bob's Alberting?

Well Bob, what do you have to say about these allegations?

How far away are you lot from Plymouth? I want to be really safe!

PS Einstein would be pre-Bob Alberting, seeing as he died a few decades ago. I assume.

Then Einstein may not be an alien albert, just someone named Albert. He could concievably be one of the few people who are actually NAMED albert by their parents, and not a silly string being after all. Although I'm looking at a picture of him now, and that hairstyle... nah.

I argue that his Albert name is genuine. He is simply a very clever person. Not an alien. Case closed.

I would like some evidence for that. Personally, I feel it is unlikely that anyone that clever is a human being. After all, I have never seen a particularly clever human being, nor have I ever met someone who claims to have seen a clever human being, or anyone who claims to have met someone who claims to have met someone who has seen a clever human being.
See for example the Search for Terrestrial Intelligence:
http://totl.net/STI/

Why do aliens take over our minds anyway? Does their social life revolve around it, like ours around alcohol? Hey, when you think about it alcohol takes over our mind as well, perhaps it is a temporary albert. How does alcohol affect the alberts at parties anyway?

Why us? Surely they could find a better planet to do such things on. Or are we the best our Universe can offer them. I find that hard to imagine.

And Mike, I wouldn't worry too much about some of us knowing each other as we are all scattered around the country.

Hixie: you miss a vital point when you claim that I have been infected by an electronic Albert: I bought my PC in August of this year, and I've had the effects for much longer than that. As I stated earlier, I was infected at a party many moons ago, so you are incorrect.

You claim that I have been Alberted multiple times and that I am almost always under Alien control, apart from moments of lucidity when I can try to warn the world of their deeds. Again, you are wrong.

Here we go...

The Aliens are in fact good. They are trying to help us by taking over the minds people because they could cause damage to our society. When we have all been Alberted, then they can remove the poisons and toxins from the Earth, and make it once again a beautiful place. The smileys are in fact attampting to stop this. They were once peace loving beings, but they turned from their ways because of some event in their past aboot which thay are unwilling to talk. Now they are trying to stop the Aliens, as well as worldwide destruction, not realising that the only way to achieve their goal is to work hand in hand with the Aliens.

The Big Black Nth Dimensional Pyramid is currently on a mission to contain the smileys until such time as they can be made to realise that what they are doing is folly. It's work is nearly complete.

My role in this? maybe some other time...

Bob the Martian

Nobby, in regard to WHY they do this HERE, maybe they are new at the inter stellar conquest thing, and are practicing on a planet with a simple enough sentient species that they think they can control us easily. We're not too complex, hopefully after learning from mistakes (such as Bob) on this planet they would be better equiped to deal with a planet closer to their own level of intelligence. We are their training wheels, their kindergarden primer, so to speak.

Well then, congratulations on meeting your first clever person, for it is I.

It would appear that you have all died of shock at the cataclysmic finale that I reviled.

Ah well...

Bob the Martian, possibly for the last time.

truthfully, what sort of response did you expect to Mike A's assertion that he's clever? I mean, it really isn't much to get a conversaton headed along the right path is it?

Uh?

besides, he's just contradicted himself with his last "clever" response. now, about those Alberts, have you finished your dream sequence, or is there more to tell?

BTW -- I know this because I'm actually studying these ridiculous inventions of his. e.g. He suggests that when you run you get skinnier AND heavier at the same time! This is quite clearly junk.

I did not mean to claim that you had been infected by the electronic Albert, rather I meant that they are using it to communicate with the Albert Node that was left in your mind as a result of the initial Alberting. You were infected, as you point out, many moons ago.

well, actually, that could be true...