h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You mean digi watches and how the internet is sentient. Which we have yet to see how they are related to the silly string conspiracy. Come on Bob we're all waiting for part II.

If the internet is sentient then this of course leads to the totally _related_ (As _Bob_ would put it) subject of how the internet contains sentient beings and hence onto the multidimensional smiley universes.

Not to mention the pyramids. /
Relations are all relative to each other.

Dammit that was meant to be a slash-back-slash after my sentence about pyramids. Let's try that again with a double back slash. /\\

Well it worked, kind of. Obviously there is a bug somewhere when it comes to back slashes and escape characters.

Ah_right_! Now_I_understand_the_stuff_with_digital_watches_and_pyramids_and_changing_the_subject! If it's all interlinked, then before long this conversation will take a turn were we shall all find out the immediate relevance of watches and sucjlike. I'm_getting_you_all_now!

Thanks for the pyramid Nobby. Anyway, Part II: How the Internet is sentient and wants a bagel.

After the Aliens have taken over a reasonable percentage of the populace, then they will learn of the Internet. This will confuse them utterly, and all attempts at using Alberts on servers will obviously fail. (Ever tried silly-stringing an ftp site?). So, they will confer...

After looking at various maps and plans, and examining its exponential growth over the past few years, they will come to the conclusion that the internet is in fact the dominant lifeforn on the planet, or at least it soon will be. Humans are coming to the end of their period of dominance, and that leaves only dolphins or mice, which are hard pressed to survive in these virtual times (the mice will leave just after the Aliens groundforce arrives, and just before the dolphins). There remains though the problem of the net. If they cannot Albert it then they cannot control its mind, and it is everywhere and nowhere at once so it cannot be destroyed, is all over the world but still intangible. "Hmmm..." they will think to themselves.

After long hours of research, the Aliens will discover the existence of smileys (easy Nobby). As stated earlier, they are merely the projection of a vast, multidimensional being, and this is there weak link. As they are multidimensional, one of their dimensions is the Nth dimension, the same as the black Pyramid.

The Alberts are all interlinked with each other via a dimensional rift, caused by a large number of minds thinking as one. This dimension also is the Nth, and so there is now a problem: Smileys, a Pyramid and the astral projections of the Alberts all coexisting in one dimension. Gotta be bad.

The Pyramid's purpose, Nobby, is to contain the Smileys which are rampant amongst the servers net to prevent the Aliens from learning of them, which would lead to the destruction of the net. This obviously cannot be allowed to happen. When the smielys are contained in the Pyramid, then the Aliens will wonder whether or not the misinterpreted the whole multidimensional smiley thing, and admit defeat. So the Internet has saved us. Jolly good.

The Internet will be relvealed to in fact be sentient, and as a for its services will demand many a breadery item, with an emphasis on that prince of foods, the bagel. This is because the bagel reflects the nature of the Internet: the bagel is essentially a round piece of bread with a hole in the middle. So its centre is not actually in the bagel, but outside it. This is an analogy of the Internet, whose core is intangible.

What's the difference between a bagal and a doughnut?

Doughnut is swwet, covered in sugar, made from entirely different stuff, and is generally filled with some condiment or other.

Bagels are shap0ed like doughnuts, but made from bread and have things put on top, like nuts or seeds. Can have fillings, but only if cut in half.

To conclude: doughnut is for those times when you need a sweet, suggary thing to eat, bagels are for life, not just for breakfast.

I understand that you can end up with doughnuts tasting like they're made of different things entirly. The ringed variety that I get from nowhere but Glastonbury have a crunchish coating, whereas the doughnuts you get here are simply lumps of dough.

If doughnuts arn't made of bread (not that I ever thought they were), then what are they made of?

After some research, I have concluded that doughnuts are made from a deep fried bread varient, which contains all the essential ingredients of bread, but without the essential baking process.

Bob

You are unfortunately forgetting the real issue here which is - what is a croissant? Oh and Mr Martian? Sir? I want my name on your website sorted out and my head acknowlaged though all the usual legally binding processes. You have no idea about the full extent and power of the forces you are dealing with.

And as for Nobby - Smileys have been proven by several researchers to be responsible for at least 23% of all the world's major disasters and should be wiped out forthwith.

Such allegations are bound to be false. Smileys would never cause major disasters. I would rapidly reconsider such allegations before the smileys perceive you as a threat. And considering this would put you on a par with Bill Gates, this could be quite insulting.

I AM Bill Gates and you should worry little man....

MOO HAA HAAAAAA

Aaaagh! Bill Gates!

Hide behind me, my precious smileys. he'll have to beat me black and blue to reach you.

X-) :=)

How does one beat another person black and blue over a discussion group? !^(

Mr Big Head, you come from Guildford, which to my knowledge has never been visited by the evil Bill Gates. Smileys are able to root out imposters like yourself with ease, such are the advantages of being an entire universe. Please come back to the reality that this discussion group demands.

Y'know, I'm alright with the invading aliens, the smilies, the pyramid, even the bagels, but Bill Gates really scares me. He certainly has enough money to purchase a nuclear missile, who's to say he doesn't have one? He could be planning a massive "hostile takeover" of Apple at any moment! Of course, while the missile is making its way from Seatle to Silicon Valley, suddently the guidance system will output this message: Abort, Retry, Fail. At this point the darned thing goes off course by a few hundred miles, hits tucson, and then where'd I be? I'd be vaporized, that's where! It's alright with me if they Albert Bill Gates. does this work for me: /\ ?

maybe the aliens will worship the internet as a god seeing how any computer, be it home pc or server, has an infinant number of tangeled cords tangeling out of it which does look like a blob of silly string. perhaps smilies use the cords and silly string as a kind of transportation system, MY GOD, SMILIES ARE THE ALBERTS!!!!

Beaten black and blue verbally, or as I shall demonstrate:
*lamps Nobby the Aardvark in the face*
Hur, hur. No offence Nobby, but you did ask!

Somebody remind me what the Alberts are. Arn't they the silly string mind control things?

Don't worry I've caught up on everything.
So the smileys are also the Alberts in the silly string that the aliens are using? I'd never have guessed that one! I'm going to confer with my local smileys and see what they make of it.

Here's one right now. Go on smiley, Albert me!


If smileys are the Alberts, how do they Albert me from the computer?

No you fools, smileys are not alberts. The way the smileys tap into our universe would not allow them to disguise themselves as such devices. Smileys have nothing whatsoever in common with the alien thingies that produce these mind traps.
Whilst smileys would love to see Bill Gates instantly alberted they do not have the power to do such things. Rather they are resorting to using more subtle methods to destroy Microsoft. Wait and see ...

Nice pyramid by the way. Lets try again. /\

/\