h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

On behalf of Americans everywhere and in your town, I want to offer my sincere condolences for colonists' hard to keep track of invasions in their misguided to attempts to conquer New France then New Scotland or whatever the heck it became.

I also want to apologize for the numerous invasions of my brothers, the Hunkpapas alias Sioux band, on your portion of the Great Plains. They found life a little difficult further south after it was determined that anybody found off the reservation would be rendered into bird feed.

I especially apologize for George W. Bush and his vexing remarks regarding your loyalty. We know you're at least as loyal to the American empire as you were to the British. That is no doubt why you continue to provide the American empire with wholesome entertainment from your great metropoloi of Toronto, Vancouver but not Ottawa. George W. Bush, however, is not a moron. He is a figurine made out of silly putty and animated by Steve Jobs' Pixar Productions on an ancient Macintosh computer. I'm sure you've probably noticed the resemblance to Mr. Bill.

Thanks for the compliment concerning the White House. You'll note perhaps that it wasn't white prior to your burning it, but after that, there was no more blue paint so the forefathers were required to use whitewash, something they passed down through the generations such that now whitewashing is perhaps one of the truly excellent talents exhibited by many Americans worldwide and in your town.

Oh, before I forget, the assertion that the aboriginal inhabitants of the so-called Americas came across the Bering Land Bridge around ten to twelve and a half thousand years ago is the product of the imaginations of generations of American anthropologists itching for an excuse to declare the entire continent as terra nullius so that they would feel as superior as their Australian counterparts.

Now, you must understand, these people were all jailbirds and were rather sensitive about that so if they could find a way to feel superior to their fellow jailbirds from down under, it would go a long way in restoring their righteous indignation, if not indignity.

I'm happy to say that as a direct result of nearly a century of academic horse manure manufacturing, I can confidently state that American anthropologists have never felt more indignant at the persistant attempts by native people to reestablish the authority of their own oral traditions as opposed to the scientific wild donkey guesses offered by the anthropologists. The nerve of those savages!

After that little digression, let me continue to offer thanks to you Canadians for reminding the Americans about the treaties. Americans are aware of the treaties of course, but why start honoring them now? They haven't for 200 years at least and it really would be quite an imposition to start now with everyone including the government up to their anuses in debt to have to pay off on previous commitments. You can understand that surely.

I notice there are no Canadian firms presently engaged to marketing debt consolidation to the American government so I fear this state of affairs will probably persist for another 200 years unless the toilet of state becomes so backed up that people are forced to emigrate to Antarctica or Mars, options that have not escaped at least a few I understand.

A joint expedition to Mars might be in order so that we can start to clean up the neighborhood, which has suffered from centuries of poor immigration policy, beginning with the so-called huddled of masses of Europe the European ruling classes couldn't stomach and has progressed to even more huddled masses of diverse color, culture and the like.

Now please be advised we could probably deal with such diversity as well as anyone if it didn't involve encroachment upon and alienation of the land. So that has finally convinced us that people who treat other people like human refuse shouldn't be accorded dumping rights at this location. I realize our realization is somewhat too late but when you make allowances for people rather than launching preemptive strikes, that's what often happens.

I hope you'll join me in welcoming volunteers from the United States to our new Red Planet Estates for the terminally nomadic. We should like to point out that Mars has very low levels of oxygen, a known carcinogen and hydroxl precursor, so they should find the climate absolutely breathtaking.

Thanks again for your kind words and on behalf of Americans everywhere and in your town, suck air if you can find a place in line.

Excellent! (If a little uneven...) Sign me up for Mars if it is along the lines of Kim Stanley Robinson's *Red...Blue...Green Mars* trilogy. Now *that* is what is wrong with Americans, nothing at all- it is the global Multinationals that they started!

Seriously (but not too seriously) here is something that kind of bugs me about one American publishing house. Perhaps if I find an answer I will find it reasonable and I won't be bugged anymore:

Why did the American publisher insist on changing the title of the first Harry Potter book?

If by "native americans" you mean indians or indigenous people of the continents some other people unilaterally named after an Italian chart maker, then I just want you to know something. You're either native or american but I don't think you can be both.

America as such started in the 16th century with a bunch of European crusader wannabee pirates stealing land and enslaving the indigenous people. Tierra y indios was the war cry and it has abated little since.

Yet the invaders were forced to accept that the original title of the land resided with the indigenous inhabitants once it was discovered that title by discovery or conquest wasn't going to play too well with the competing interests of the European nationstates then flexing their criminal muscles.

Consequently, title was asserted to derive from the original title by treaty. Indian nations were recognized as sovereign in order to lend authority to the claims of sovereignty asserted by the invaders and derived by the treaties.

This means that while your argument concerning so-called immigrants might be perfectly valid, it's essentially beside the point. None of the later immigrants, that is those who came after 1492, can claim original title. Sorry.

Unfortunately, arguments like yours are often advanced to convince people that the land was uninhabited wilderness which it certainly was NOT! Those later immigrants tramped through indian villages all the way from sea to shining sea leaving a legacy of genocide, fraud and cruelty especially in the so-called United States and in direct violation of the Constitution, the law of the land they were supposed to respect and uphold.

Until that little black mark on America's reputation is removed by finally honoring the treaties, all this talk about immigrants is just self-serving baloney.

We didn't make the rules but most of us followed them to the letter if not the spirit. The same can't be said for those who imposed the rules as they saw fit according to their whims or fancies or other manfestations of their greed and continue to try to misrepresent it all as totally legal and humane. Nothing could be further from the truth and it amply demonstrates that the American national motto should never have been in God we trust but rather in Fraud we trust.

I really can't leave this subject without adding just a little more of a personal note.

Nothing gets me hotter than that "we're all immigrants coming the great humane melting pot" crap. I hope I didn't show it too bad in the previous post but I need to show it now.

Because I'm getting so sick of it.

I mean how hard can it be for these jerks to figure out that they didn't do right before and until they do it right it'll still be wrong? Do they seriously believe that there's a statute of limitations of perfidy? Or any other deadly sin?

Their claims to the land are based on medieval notions about the land belonging to God and the king deriving title to it by justice and Christian charity, not discovery or conquest, which of course is supposed to provide a means of keeping Christendom from cutting its own throat.

So they came to this continent and negotiated treaties recognizing the original title to the land by the aboriginal inhabitants and then proceeded to break every treaty they ever made right down to the present day and everybody's supposed to be okay with that?!!! Because "we're all immigrants"?!!!

No, THEY are all immigrants. We're native. They said so and by their Christian God they're going to be held to account for it. Because otherwise their whole precious commonwealth is nothing more than an elaborate confidence game, maybe the most deceptively elaborate con in history.

Some people I know can laugh it off I think, but I won't. THEY can represent themselves as anything they want but we know that they're liars, thieves and murderers, with a pro army to do the dirty work just like they've always been. And only THEY can change that.

Anybody want to venture a guess about the chances of substantial improvement in that area? Anybody NOT know now why some of us don't think Americans work and play with others?

anhaga,

Something commonly known among the Brits might not be widely known here, if at all. I suspect lots of people know about the history of alchemy and the Philosopher's stone in Britain. I suppose it was felt that Sorcerer's stone, while not relating to alchemy, might be a more generic term that could be understood here by someone younger. After all, without knowing history, a child might be perplexed by the idea of a philosopher, but a sorcerer brings out a much clearer picture.

And lest you think this is a bone thrown to dumbed down Americans, the Japanese (for whatever reason) also call it the Sorcerer's Stone. Just a little known fact for ya.

What a shame. This conversation had evolved into an interesting one about ethics and morals, and the role of religion in both. Now it's back to sweeping generalizations, a conversation that goes nowhere and solves nothing... though I do suppose it gives vent to feelings of self-righteousness. Whether that's a good thing or not, I leave to all of you and your own moral codes.

This one from rev.paperboy needs to be addressed, though:

"per capita, canada takes in more immigrants than any other country in the world and has for several years" - There are lies, damned lies, and statistics. In this case, the stats are easily made misleading with "per capita." Let's not lose sight of the fact that Canada is a vast country with a tiny population. That skews per capita statistics by a huge margin.

"In terms of the arts, an arguement could be made that the U.S. is one of the least multicultural." - When you consider that the US is dominant in the arts, particularly the ones you list, it's no wonder. How much foreign cuisine do the French enjoy? However, the strength of the US arts you mention is that they draw influence from many places. For instance... how interesting would The Matrix have been without the Chinese fighting techniques?

"When was the last time you heard something on the radio that wasn't recorded in the United States, Canada or the U.K." - Yesterday. Today is still early, but there's a good chance it'll happen again. We've got several radio stations around here that play music from all over Latin America. We've also got television stations that do so, plus television stations that air content in Arabic, Philippino, and some other SE Asian programming.

We even get the BBC.

"When was the last time a non-english speaking film hit the top ten at the box office." - Last one I recall was "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." That was just a couple of years ago, and it probably hasn't been the last one. Was "The Pianist" filmed in English? Certainly it was produced by a foreign country, and it was the #5 rental last week.

By the way... Japan is the only country I've ever visited where "Japanese only" signs, reminiscent of the segregated neighborhoods of 1960's US, can be found on businesses today.

it is very hard to continue arguing beyond that.

but just one question.... how do you get the BBC? i mean the real bbc, not bbc america. (i ask because i want it for myself, not for argument)

I don't think you can get the actual BBC broadcast internationally. They have the different channel for the US because there isn't enough interest here for Manchester's local news, for example, to merit broadcasting it to that audience.

1) I never said that America was the only country with non-Whites, I said that its situation was unique (for I am not FordsTowel, nor do I believe he's posted in the past week or so). You cite escaping Black slaves as proof of your multiculturalism, and fail to realize the impact they've made here. You blame us for race riots,

- Mudhooks: "Gee... were we MISSING something by not being racist????"
- Anhaga: "(I paraphrase) how is it that Canada has developed such a glorious ethnic diversity without that sad American phenomenon of the Race Riot? I don't remember that he came up with a particular answer. Maybe we don't have a great deal of ethnic tension because we don't expect people to jump into a pot and be melted."

, without realizing that prior to the 1960's your largest immigrant population came from the UK. But I don't want to argue with two rabid Canadian patriots when the question posed is why America is so screwed up in the head. I mean, yes, we and every other British colony set up schools to teach the aborigines, but in American once they got to the Plains indians they started fighting back - literally.

You at least have to admit we've dealt with problems that Canada has skipped, like say, slavery and the recuperation of an entire people. Or having people immigrate in numbers during labor boons and wondering what to do with them all when it subsides. Hell, we cut off immigration altogether from China for just that purpose (and I might say that Vancouver certainly benefited 'multiculturally' on that one). Or having a major city where the minorities outnumber the Whites. Or what happens when they become active politically, on top of labor relations. But yes, you, England, and France have very considerable numbers of non-Whites; doesn't mean ths situation is the same. That was my point.

Now can we get back to the sorry state of American education or something?

Have not been here for almost a week and can see there was alot of activity. I know how much you all missed me so let me catch up and add my sunshiny words of wisdom.

>I find your logic both erroneous and insulting, Starbirth. Truth be told I thought Anhaga *Was* American (I apologize). I enjoy perfectly good and cordial relations with a number of Americans on the site. I don't insult or argue with anybody simply based on their nationality (except maybe the Aussies, burt that's different <

I see you understand the use of to show you are kidding as in the above aussie statement. Why do you ignore it in my postand set out to vilify me?

Is it because I am American

Blatherskite,

I dunno about anyone else (or about BBC America as I don't have a satellite dish), but on cable in the Chicago suburbs there's a channel that has different random programs from different feeds, and you can get a rebroadcast of BBC World News in the evenings, if you choose. Just saying.

I hate to sound rude, but I think all of you people are crazy. You're making apologies and defending people, but I think some of you still fail to see the point. That point is that people are people and someone's always going to feel superior to someone and make their thoughts known. Every nationality, religion, and person does it at some time and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Let's just try to get along...

>I think Starbirth is agitating, Anhaga.<

Moi?

Tacysa,

I think this is a chance for some people to vent their anger and to engage people in a forum where they feel safe. I think most people in here, if you got to know them personally, would be fine people to hang out with. There's a very few whom I wouldn't trust myself to spend any time with, lest I get an Anti-American tirade (or a poisoned drink).

But I think elsewhere on h2g2 the people in here get along okay with each other. I think this forum is best left as is. Hopefully the anger can be spent here and not carried over into other areas of h2g2 where people can have more rational discussions.

And by the way, a few reigious discussions are the same way.

I get BBC world news on PBS

gees, please dont go into religion! i can only IMAGINE the bloodshed!

>I disagree, Starbirth... in my view it's because you *expect* to be insulted, you're very prickly and defensive. In NZ terms, you 'have a chip on your shoulder'.

You are right Della after 3,000+ posts pointing out everything that is wrong with 'Americans' I guess you get to 'expect' it.

>You expect people to not agree with/like/or treat you well! Yet, you *can* be very pleasant sometimes! <

No need to get insulting.

Yes, yes, you can get BBC World News and other BBC programming on PBS, and you can get BBC America via satellite and some cable companies. Andrew was asking about the *real* BBC, which isn't broadcast here.