h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Right then, my big news is that an actual human has agreed to marry me, and she's lovely and I'm proper loved up and everything. This is wonderful and brilliant and terrifying all at once.

But the particular bit I wanted to ask the collective hivemind and wisdom repository was about stag weekends. I've been struggling with this, and on reflection, it's probably because I've only ever been on four stag nights/weekends, so I don't really know what happens or what the conventions are. One was a one night drunken fiasco, one was a lovely weekend by the sea (with optional mini-drunken fiascos), one I can barely remember (and I don't drink), and the fourth was for a very small group.

The people I'd like to invite fall into four broad categories - two x (non-overlapping) friendship groups, family, and possibly future future in-laws. I've no reason to think that that these disparate groups won't get on, but there may be "nothing in common" issues between future in-laws and others, but not of the the hilarious consequences sitcom kind.

So one option is not to have a stag but to do some small separate events tailored around that particular group. That might be easiest and the safest for my sanity - 2 x friendship group events, 1 x current and future family. But one of the things I liked about the lovely stag weekend I went on was that I got to know some of my friend's other friends, and they were great, and I think we all enjoyed the wedding that bit more because of it.

I'm going to be lifetheuniverseandeverything years old by the time of whatever gets arranged, I don't drink, have never liked clubs, don't like being centre of attention, and am absolutely not up for the stereotypical hilarious laddish hi-jinks. Yeah, boring, I know.

On terrible piece of advice I've been given is that it's my weekend and I should do what I want. That's terrible because that would either be (a) going to a comedy festival); (b) running a half marathon or marathon somewhere; (c) going to my favourite seaside town which is a very long way away. Time, money, parenting and other responsibilities, practicality, attitudes to running, and levels of stamina due to ill health are all issues for different people in different ways, and ideally I'd like people to turn up and to enjoy it.

So... what am I asking? I guess for ideas and experiences, really. Who has tried to bring people together, did it work, how might it have worked better? Did anyone keep groups separate and mark the end of their bachelor days with a series of small events? What do people expect from a stag weekend these days anyway?

No, you're not boring. I didn't have a stag night and I've never been invited to a stag night.

Why don't you just take your best mates to a comedy club and have a few beers? Sounds like a great stag night to me.

I think the days of the stag do taking part the day before the wedding have gone.

I moved house on the day of my stag do, and so had no furniture. We went to a few pubs across the Island (sadly the first one is now a Tescos) and then went back to my new house and slept in sleeping bags. The next afternoon the removals van arrived so I had lots of help in unpacking.

<BB<

NO stag here either... I did stay in a spa hotel for a few days, prior to the wedding, then back home, and we just sat in boringly and ate nice Chinese food from the takeaway downstairs, just a few of us... But then I went and got hospitalised immediately after signing the register, so I really wouldn't try to copy anythign I did... (and I missed all the food at the do after my own wedding!; so unfari....)

I can warn you of one thing to absolutely NOT do. That's combine the stag and hen parties. A couple of my friends decided that might be a good idea since there was a lot of mutual friends (these are members of my club) so they rented a bus to take everyone to a few different venues. The guys weren't planning on doing the gentlemen's club thing since the bachelor actually works as a DJ at such a place and we're all rather over it, the allure is gone. So it seemed like it might be a good idea. But the compromises didn't work out so well. The bachelor only insisted on hitting a hookah bar which almost no one else found interesting so most of the group just hung outside waiting to head into town. The the women decided the place to go was a trendy "dueling piano" bar in downtown Houston. Most of the guys hated it. Most of the night at least half of the group didn't like the choice of venue.

Thanks everyone. I think a simple, single night out (definitely not the night before the wedding, nor anywhere near that!) would be a good idea, but it's likely that the majority of people would need to stay overnight. Not to say that's not doable, but it turns one night into a weekend almost automatically. But finding an event (perhaps a comedy show) to build it around isn't a bad idea, though I have to say that standard Friday night/Saturday night comedy gigs can be a bit lowest common denominator. Awful snob, aren't I?

I wouldn't want to combine stag and hen parties. I expect the hen party will involve a spa day and a ridiculously expensive restaurant somewhere. Personally I don't mind a spa day, but probably not a large mixed group activity, and proper expensive food is largely wasted on me. Definitely too many different interests pulling too many ways....

lifetheuniverseandeverything + 16 years old here.

Stag and hen party / weekends and weddings have got out of hand since I were a lad (and second time round, an older lad). A work colleague of mine has been complaining over the last few days that with the cost of her husband going to the stag do, her going to the hen do, buying matching wedding gear for her (a maid of honour) the hotel for her, her husband and children (at the hotel of the bride and groom's choice), the cost to them of SOMEONE ELSE getting married is going to be about £3,000. Forget it. I'd send them a card and ignore the wedding list deposited at John Lewis personally.....

Otto, It's YOUR stag do. a comedy club would be brilliant (just don't sit near the front and let the turns know its your stag do).

PP.

Meh, I just went for a drink and a curry with my brother and my wife-to-be's male family members.

The night before, so 'proper'

It's kind of downright boring and conventional these days to dress up as batman or a pink teddy bear and plough around all the pubs in town. For me at least - though I'd have probably gone for that when I was younger.

I've been on two 'proper' stag weekends to Amsterdam when that was en vogue, and Prague when that was en-vogue. Actually the latter was *really* monster as my mate actually got dumped by his fiancee after we'd all bought tickets so we went anyway. You can imagine he felt rather more unfettered.

Both of those I found immense fun but......... ewwww - the seedier side of both those cities disgusted me - which on reflection I decided was a good thing in me.

These types of stag weekends also seem to be rather reminiscent in my mind to the 'party' in the Hitchhiker books that flew around the planet devastating it. Presumably they must move on when Paris will have them no more, when Amsterdam will have them no more, when Dublin will have them no more...

You get more respect from me for not doing that

I've been on another stag do in Swansea where we went quad biking in the day and then a few civilised beers in the evening. That was cool too.

Your day, do what you want and don't feel you have to follow the plebs

I've never been to a hen or a stag do, but I would say don't worry about mixing different groups of people. Do something cheap and cheerful if it's a large crowd - rolling cheese down hills, a hike or just bowling or go-karting.

All the hen and stag dos I have ever heard about or seen in town are organised by the bride/groom-to-be's friends. The "lucky" girl/fella is told to keep the day/evening/weekend free and they do the rest.

Yeah, supposed to be the Best Man's job.


Wedding organisation was a fairly major revelation to me.

I thought a wedding breakfast was a glass of champagne with your Shreddies. Apparently that's the meal - which I thought was part of the reception.

That's the sort of deep awareness I was coming from when it all began

I also had to have the wedding breakfast thing explained to me. There are some odd wedding customs that float around.

Mr Vip and I didn't have stag/hen dos at all. We had had an engagement party earlier that year, and it seemed unfair to make people do yet another thing on top of travelling over to the wedding.

My childhood best friend's hen weekend was so expensive I couldn't go, but I arranged to be there at the final meal, so at least I got to be there a little bit. I think that's the only one I've ever been invited to.

Thanks everyone. I'm now increasingly thinking that a series of separate small events is probably the way forward, perhaps stagifiying a few gatherings and events that would probably have happened anyway. Now I come to think of it, a lot of weddings I've been to either didn't have stag weekends, or had something staggy that I wasn't expected to go do/didn't go to/wasn't invited to.

I'd rather go out for a three or four different curries on different days with different groups than have the hassle and stress of trying to cram it all into one weekend. And given that attending my wedding is likely to involve either a flight or ferry for most of the people on my side of the aisle it's perhaps best I don't inflict further expense.

Choice of best man is another issue. None of my likely picks would relish organising even a small stag, either because of anxiety, lack of confidence, or just plain laziness.

Germans used to (because they're increasingly embracing stag/hen parties) have a Polter Abend (throwing evening) often the night before the wedding, where all the guests got together for a party and smashed crockery (no idea...)

A lot of German weddings I've been to have involved people going somewhere for a weekend, so it was more practical to have a party on the night before, as well as the wedding, because... why not? how about something like that?

Congratulations, by the way

>Germans used to (because they're increasingly embracing stag/hen parties) have a Polter Abend (throwing evening) often the night before the wedding, where all the guests got together for a party and smashed crockery (no idea...)<

DId they do a national evening of that once...?

(aside: I'm afraid I've lost all ability to laugh at that kind of joke these days )

Sorry, occasionally can't help it, I have family in Germany and they are all lovely there (much more pleasant that some of the british brexiteer fools)