h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Is there any way to light my own farts safely or is it just a dangerous urban myth? I would like to do it as a party piece but am a bit warey of the consequences.

It is possible, it is a great party piece but doesn't go down well in coffee mornings or funeral wakes.

Basically you just have to take a leap of faith and just do it:

1) Have a bucket of sand or water at the ready

2) A missionary position is perhaps the best guff position. raise buttocks above rest of body (a bit like doing bicycle excercise thing)

3) Place lighter below gas outlet

4) light lighter.... Guff...pray.... see the light display

5) Beware of a backdraft

6) most of all....Enjoy

I think you're right to be wary, the last thing you want is a burnt bum. I've only seen a fart lit once, over twenty years ago. It was very inpressive, but as I was only about thirteen at the time I suspect that I was quite easy to impress. Since then I have seen many failed attempts, and have never mastered the art myself. If you do work out how to do it, maybe you could write a Guide Entry about it

I forgot to add.

Do not to whilst extremely intoxicated otherwise there could be the smell of singed hair!!! Never good news

If you want a full view of the results, then this is really a two person job (and a good opportunity to find out who your *real* friends are ). The only way to do it on your own and see anything is to lie on your back with your legs up to your chest (kind of like a woman giving birth) in front of a mirror which is propped up against the wall. It can be quite spectacular.

Or so I'm told

The recognised method is to sit in a bath, break wind and ignite the bubbles as they reach the surface.

*floating in, in her usual vague, elf-like manner*

Greetings!

I know this is an unusual place for welcoming a newcomer, but until you've written something on your page, no one will be able to post there - Oh! Fascinating discussion, btw...

Welcome to h2g2! I'm one of the Guardian Angels around here.
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It is safe as long as you remember the Davey Lamp principal. In a Davey lamp the candel inside a gauze does not ignite the gas outside. (my physic teacher did tell me why but I have forgotten) Therefore if you are wearing pants when you light your fart, the gauze (fabric) will prevent the ingition of the gas inside you.

At one time, when I was at college it was inpolite NOT to light your fart, as this burnt off all the offensive smells.

CH

I don't think farts are inflammable unless you've been drinking a lot of alcohol. I know there is a small amount of methane in them, but to really go off with a bang, you need ethanol.

Spike Milligan, the well known comedian, wrote about his experiences with this in "Adolf Hitler, My Part In His Downfall".

Oh, I just had to take this thread back up to the front. It was leading a lost and forlorn life at the end of Ask The Community, but now it is back on the gravey side: right where it belongs...

Yelbakk

Hooray

Man, and aren't YOU ever glad this one came back?

I think I'll go and light one now just to celebrate

And Gosh... said, 'Let there be light.' And there was light. And Gosh... saw the light. AND IT WAS GOOD!!!

A bit whiffy though

So have any researchers actually master the process yet?

I have seen this performed many times by the same person. His name was Gary. His technique was impecable, and as far as I am aware, he never injured himself. This is how it was done:

Sitting in a comfortable armchair ( the bigger the better) he would lean backwards as far as possible. He would then lift his knees to his chest, and open his legs, thus exposing his bottom to everybody in the room.

He would then take a lighter, or a lit match to his bumhole, and let go an impressive fart, sending forth an intense flame.

His key to not injuring himself was the fact that it was not necassary to remove his trousers. This was something everyone was very grateful for.

Never seen this done unfortunately but I'd just like to congratulate you on a marvellous first topic of conversation! This has cheered up a potentially bad day for me no end .

It's far too long since a conversation of this high calibre and intellectual challenge has been seen on h2g2

I've got a mate who had a back injury as a kid. This somehow enabled him to do reverse persistalsis of his gullet.
The upshot of this is that his party piece at Uni was to vomit at will into a pint glass and then drink it back down again

Ah, those long gone days of wit and repartee *sigh*



Orcus

is it also an urban myth that if you put 2 packets of "popping candy" in your mouth and swig a glass of coke your head explodes...?
(never seen it done, never want to...)

Depends on whether that popping candy has gelignite in it or not I guess