h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Found it.

'fast lane and undertaking entitlement licence'

'Keep out of the way, in a rush, more important than you, richer than you'.

The address is '316i Beemer Close, Preteniousville'

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"When I'm on cycle lanes and find car drivers encroaching, I considerately fold their mirrors back to avoid taking off layers of paint."

Pet hate about cyclists - on the Shrewsbury northern bypass (grand sounding name for two lengths of road with a total length of less than a mile and one roundabout in the middle) there's a cycle lane on the pavement - a big, wide, easy to see cycle lane, up over the kerb where it's safe, with f**king great big pictures of a bicycle every forty metres so it's obvious it's a CYCLE LANE.

So, perhaps someone can explain to me why, when I'm driving legally along the road at 60mph, there's a f**king cyclist IN THE ROAD. And not on the edge, either - a good five or six feet from the kerb, necessitating a wide overtaking manoeuvre or a drastic stand on the brakes. What is WRONG with these people? I have now taken to overtaking them as close as I dare, in the hope that one day my wing mirror will shatter an elbow and the paramedics will say to the cyclist "What were you doing in the road, you f**king prick, there's a nice safe cycle lane barely six feet away! Were you TRYING to get killed?"

Phew.



H.

As a pedestrian I have a thing against cyclists. Specifically the fully grown adults fxckwits without bells who tear past me on the pavement on their sodding mountain bikes, usually in packs. STOP IT YOU GITS. You have wheels, therefore you belong on the road.

Lucky cyclists in Shrewsbury, having dedicated cycle paths.

"Lucky cyclists in Shrewsbury, having dedicated cycle paths."

What does it take to have a cycle lane dedicated to you, then? Can you buy your way into it, like a football stand, or does it come down to good works and reputation, like a statue?

"Lucky cyclists in Shrewsbury, having dedicated cycle paths."

Precisely my point. So why don't the ignorant c**ts USE THEM??? I'm sick of hearing cyclists moaning about how inconsiderate car drivers are, but when they're presented with a foolproof solution, they ignore it.

Like the man said - every time you think you've made something idiot proof, nature builds a better idiot.

H.

Cycle lanes encourage cyclists - After having spent literally millions of pounds in my end of Surrey, I sometimes see one or even (on a busy day)two cyclists on my walk to work and back. Only, as often as not, the t**t will be riding on the pavement, right next to the cycle lane, and usually has the cheek to give me a dirty look for not getting out of their way.

ps. to any cyclists, but I'm a political campaigner, trying to get the local roads fixed, secure parking for motorcyclists and de-brainwash the local politicians from the idea that "cycling is the only alternative to the car - no matter how far you need to go, or whether you need any luggage when you get there", so I get the hump about it.

Sorry drivers, cycle lanes don't belong on the pavement, they (and cyclists) belong on the road. Pavements are for pedestrians.

Interesting comments earlier about having lights on cars - when I was driving cabs, one of them was grey, so I had my lights on pretty much all the time that it wasn't bright sunshine - the road is grey, sky is grey, hard to spot me etc. But if all the cars have lights on all the time (even sidelights) then motorbikes are suddenly going to stop standing out so much.

Fords - no reason, just Fords....

BMWs - just cos the drivers seem to think that the road now belongs to them....


Me - I'm a Nissan woman - our "posh" car's a Micra (love it!!), mine's a Sunny (love it!)- car's with character!

H

Where did all the apostrophes come from?

My dad drives a BMW Kelli and I wouldnt callhim an utter tosser, not an utter one anyway.

The problem with being a cyclist is that sometimes you just dont know where the hell your supposed to be. There are a bewildering array of arrangements for cyclists some are mandatory others are there for our convienience sometimes there is a break of about twenty yards where there is no special provision or order for cyclists then suddenly it is back in force

So cyclists get it in the neck for cycling on the pavement in some places and then are ordered to do so in other places.

Now if you know our route you should be awre of the frequent and abrupt changes in where you should/can cycle but somtimes if your unfamiliar with a route you really ought to know. However if you're new to a route finding your way, avoiding death or serious injury and following every single directive is a bit of a hard juggling act.



My own personal problem with things is pubs with too much stuff on the walls.

Im a man in need of a drink I dont care if theres an old trumpet nailed to the ceiling or fancy curtains up the window. Books???? Why are they in pubs? If I want books I go to the library or a bleeding bookshop

As such if possible I choose pubs without unecessary crap all over the place.