h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The boards new unofficial madman (long story... short ending), I thought it'd be an idea to have a thread of random madness.

So anyone got some interesting mad posers to discuss? Like where does all the loo roll go? I ask you?

"As"... fit the word in the above statement as you wish

I do wish I could edit these posts...

You called M'lud?

Ah...loo rolls, the disapearance of - get on it please would you

Well, you know wht, its funny you should mention that. Only this morning, as I was involved in my EMMO as I typically do first thing in teh morning, I contemplated this very issue. For as BoB is not my uncle, I looked onto the side where the toilet roll does live and to my astonishment, despite there being a almost full roll there the previous day, none was to be seen.
Not being put off by this, I took a furhter toilet roll and placed this in the position in which the previous now missing toilet roll had been.
And too my supprize!:
A few hours later when I reentered the paralle universe of my transdimensional eterally nighttime bathroom, I discovered the toilet roolll, in the process of leaving the bathroom.
yes.
For it seemed so to me also.
And in that which I saw I did see indee that there was a method behind the madness that leads inexplicabally to only one thing, only one conclusion that can be drawn from the sheets being withdrawn, only one inference can be mae from the disappearing toilet trade; aliens.
aliens again, yet differnet.
Not like the time they probed me youunderstand, quite qutie different.
For they came as a myriad thing; a thing of many parts, and manfold be each as to the other of the whole.
and the whole hole of the entire thing was as it could be seen to be, that is, well, as stated, stealing my toilet roll!

I've another poser for you to work on. Where do socks go? I'm not on about the socks that go into the washing machine as a pair and come out as one sock. I'm on about whole pairs of socks that go missing for no reason. Some years ago I had 3 pairs of red short socks. Now I only have one pair! I can't have lost them in the wash, so where are they? The madman's cupboard, perhaps, stuffed down the inners of all those missing rolls of toilet paper?

It is often said that the range and spred of fettishs is as wide as a really wide thing. Which it is. Which is where the problem of missing socks, at least those not eaten by the washign machine sock monster go.
It was I think back a few years in the local paper we got hte news storey, of the Phantom Putney Sock theif.
Quite simply he was athired thief wo went round stealing socks.
But he used an ingenious mehotd; inorder to get into peoples houses or into their back gardens to take socks off their washign lines he had trained a zooalogical plethra of beasts to help in his sock steeling campaign.
He had specially trained badgers that would enter peoples houses and extract socks; but only pairs mind, and a fleet of really rather annoyed sparrows with sock-adjusted weight/size ratios in order to allow them to carry socks.

I blame Aretha Franklin, because she asks people to send them all to her in that song.

*clears throat adopts momma style*

"R.E.S.P.E.C.T find out what it means to me

R.E.S.P.E.C.T take out T.C.P

sockittome sockittome sockittome sockittome sockittome sockittome sockittome"

*unclears throat*

See it's her fault, or it's her obsessive fans fault anyway. She probably has a special room full of em.

I always thought she was complaining of a bad throat, or a cut finger, or something. Why else would she tell everybody to 'take out TCP'? 'Cos if you take TCP out of RESPECT you get RESE, which is meaningless - but then, so is the song.

Perhaps "Rece" is the name of the fan sending her all the socks. Perhaps the song is one long 'self destruct in ten seconds type cryptic code' explaining how to steal footwear, only it doesnt actually self destruct.

For nothing is meaningless you see, everything has meaning, less meaning behind everything means only nothing and you to me mean everything, oh baby.

But I genuinely don't understand the point of buying expensive shoes.

Cheap shoes- more expensive; last about a month or two on my feet, spend £50 upwards, last a year

So "More expense on the sole equates greater voyage for the soul"

That's almost profond that is, almost. Amazing how clever sayings can come out of such nothingness.

Thinking about it, in terms of shoes, I've a pair of hiking boots which are say ten or thirteen years old or something, and which are in great condition (I did a lot of hikin in them a few years back, such as coast to coast walk etc), they were a bit under £200 and I fully expect never to have to buy another pair of hiking boots then I've my day to day black leather shoes, they were about £49 If I remember correctly, and are wearing out a little bit now can't quite remember how old they are though Then I've my newest pair of shoes I got for the interview I had beginning this month, they were I think about £70 and are very smart whcih was why I got them, they should last a long while as they are for 'best' only; less of course I cna't be bothered to replace my day to day shoes, and instead begin wearing them on a dairly basis which I'll try to avoid doing

*rubs hands together gleefully*

Excellent its all coming together... now whatever happened to Elvis' white suit?

I had to surrender it to the record label when I left with the aliens.

Personally, I reckon it was put into the wash with all those missing socks. The colour from the socks ran and now the suit's no longer white. They tried to use toilet paper and Aretha Franklin's TCP to get the colour out, but it didn't work.

Do you know about the squeak pixie?

Can anyone tell me where my scissors are?

I buy my shoes in charity shops. A pair of Brand new Dm's last time for one whole quid.

Go and catch a falling star,
Fold up neat a fitted sheet,
Tell me where the scissors are,

Or regulate a showers heat.


Teach me to programme to record,
the video,

Which leaves me floored.

And spot,
Which lot,
Of fairy lights work,

And which do not.


With apologies to Donne

G