h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

... in an English country garden?

'S gotta be 42!

You'd think so... but why?

12 you count them

http://www.contemplator.com/tunebook/england/englgrdn.htm

My children used to have a very rude version of that song. It began -

"What do you do when you need the loo
In an English country Garden?"

For the sake of common decency, I'll stop there.

Lets bring it up to date:

What do you do when you need the loo
In an English London Marathon

Talking about loos : http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/F19585?thread=626926

Because of my conviction of the inter-connectedness of all things...or something.

Ah... life, the Universe and Everything

Teuchter, I don't think

'Pull down your pants
And fertilise the plants'

is that rude

You might not think its that* rude; try telling that to the copper who nicked me!

With apologies to a world class athlete who must have been embarassed beyond mortification but still had that will to win:

What do you do when you need the loo
In an English London Marathon
When you know that you just have to go
And there’s no way you can carry on
Nip under the barrier
Don’t let the press harris yer
Pull down your pants and dump on the ants
Just one quick wipe and up with pants
And on with the London Marathon