h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

. .either given/recieved or a friend has used to get out of work?

a friend of mine called in sick last week because he went on a sunbed (due to an attractive girl who wanted to go ) and didnt know howto use it properly, put on the wrong cream and stayed in for too long thus leaving him in pain and rather red.

if you know him then you'd find this absolutely hilarious and no one believed him till he whipped out his kwik tan card (because he said you get 15mins free if you join up) haha

so anyone got any goodies?

"I couldn't leave the house because there was a particularly threatening cloud over my driveway"

My train was delayed by cows on the line.

RF

I useually find variously lame excuesses involving blaming my ISP virgin Media, or the rail network work quite well.... the internet connection being down works quite well during the middle of the week, and the trains provide a good excuess for why I'm calling in on my mobile, whilst still drunk Monday morning from Socket's/Roymondos flat all very boring and unimaginitive really
Badgers on the line maybe next time.... the train had to be stopped whilst we waited for a badger colany to be rescued by the RNLI

Always wondered about the "leaves on the line" excuse. fair enough, it happens, but as much as the excuse is used?

Whenever I was late for work due to inability to get out of bed on time (sometimes caused by the night before), I always blamed the trains. It was an entirely plausible excuse.

RF

I was once over four hours late for work having spent the night locked in my bathroom unable to escape.

FB

nice one FB

they believe you!?

Yeah! It was actually true!

I had just moved in and the locking mechanism (yale style) was not connectede to the inside door handle. Sonce you closed the door there was no way of opening it!

First morning in the flat I closed the door and was locked in. However I made a McGyver-esque escape by fashioning a rudimentary credit card type thing from my dental floss container and freedom!

Went to work and told everyone about my escapades.... When I got home from work instead of doing the sensible thing of fixing the door, all I did was throw away the broken floss container (and thus my only means of escape). Went to my makes house for a couple of jars.

Got home and got ready for bed and closed the door.....

Now this was a basement flat so it had no windows, I was ready for bed so just in a dressing gown and there was no bath and the floor was tiled.

I couldn't sleep due to the cold tiles and with no watch or window I had no conception of the passage of time.

Eventually come lunch time the following morning my guvnor decided "Actually this is FB we are tlaking about, maybe he did get locked in two days running" and call my old man, who got my brother to go see the landlord and come rescue me....

I have never, and probably will never, live it down!

Still quite a funny story with hindsight even if I didn't think so at the time....

FB

woah i feel for you!
doesnt sound fun at all!
(quitely laughs)
-ahem-
sorry!

the latch in our bathroom lock upstairs has slipped loose inside so its the same deal but thankfully i live downstairs although one of my poor housemates keeps forgetting and getting locked in hehe

i think your excuse is the best so far tbh!

Hope you got that lock changed though. Can't believe your boss believed it. Dunno if I would have believed you.

A friend of mine told the story of how he was late when he was an apprentice in Newcastle.

"I left the house in plenty of time & started walking to the shipyard. It was a horrible morning with driving rain & high winds. About 15 minutes later & halfway to work, I stopped to light a cigarette, but I had to turn my back to the wind to light my matches. I lit my cigarette and kept walking. Imagine my surprise when, 15 minutes later I found myself back outside my front door !"

A local dignitary once phoned my house to ask me to pass on a message to the organisers of an event .... he couldn't get out of the house because the electric gates had developed a fault overnight and wouldn't open .... the whole family were locked on the premises awaiting rescue.

could they climb over the fence?

Beaut, SWL!

Some of these are great!

I've never needed a fabricated excuse for being late (yet ), because I'm chronically early, for whatever reason. But some of these could come in handy, especially the train track blockage sort.

I do. however, have a funny thing that *really* happened to make me late for work.

I was walking to my train one morning, and I slipped and fell and had to go to the ER with a sprained wrist. I'd stepped on a banana peel on the sidewalk. I shit you not.

wow that is rare! (and a bit unlucky!)but i love it none the less

i was late for college years ago
it was very icy and i was on schedule (to the tick of a clock)
....perfect

UNTIL

*bang* i slip over on ice outside the station
my bag (big shoulder sports bag) broke and some stuff came out
as i was finally getting back to my feet i look up only to be hit my a car that had skidded also.

it wasnt a very fast/hard hit but it sent me flying.

so i actually made it to college in the end a bit late and my teacher DIDNT believe and i got punished - wtf

Several years ago I managed to pour a whole mug full of tea over my foot.

Now I had been rather (amongst other things ) and was wearing socks at the time. I spent the next hour with my foot in the bath spraying cold water over it. I had to go to A&E with my foot wrapped in a wet towel inside a plastic bag. They dressed it (I was given gas and air for the pain ) and wanted me back on Monday morning to check the blistering.

Hence the excuse, I can't come into work today I've burnt my foot with Earl Grey. I was laughed at for years after that and some people still remember it!

I didn't think banana peel was really thgat slippy. Thought it was just tv messing with us.

I'm chronically early too, psychocandy. I utterly detest being late and it kills me when I'm stuck on a train that's running behind.

I certainly thought that cartoons played up the slipperiness of banana peels until I stepped on that one. And it's really hard to get yourself to the hospital when you're laughing too hard at yourself to pick yourself up off the ground.

Who'd have thought I'd grow up to be a caricature of a human adult.

In spite of the fact that I start work 2 1/2 hours before our office officially opens, I'm still always insanely frustrated when stuck on a delayed train. Of course, being delayed in the other direction is even worse.