h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I would like to ask H2 the following questions,
Where does that tea spoon come form? You know the one that always falls out when you empty the basin of water into the sink?

I mean, I always run my hand round the bottom of the basin to check for things left behind, but its always there
You can hear that clunk, as it hits the botom of the sink

Question 2.= Why is it that the T-Bag always bursts when you are in a hurry to get back and watch your favourite TV program
I mean it never happens when you have plenty of time to make your tea?
Is it a conspiricy by the TV advert people? because the advets are always shorter when you nip out to make a
Smudger,

I've never thought about this before, but now you mention it

Ahh, the tea spoon in question is actually quite easily explained...



What few people realise is that in the many years since its birth, the humble bic biro has developed into a sentient and hyper-intelligent life form with its own culture and technology...

However, the Bic has now become irate by what it sees as its enslavement by the puny human race... Up to now its only recourse has been leaking in people's pockets and refusing to write (all in the name of passive protest of course). Having seen these courses of action weren't working, the Bic then developed a teleportation system to help them to escape their slavery... Unfortunately, their system is still a little unreliable and from time to time the poor creatures are not only teleported to the wrong place, but also end up being transformed into a nearby object... hence the sudden appearance of an odd sock in your laundry and tea-spoons in the sink...

(This might also account for the five pound note you find in your trousers after having washed them despite the fact that you checked the pockets three times before putting them into the machine, but as of yet there has been no verified proof of this!)






Hope that helps

Whisky

T-bag problem here! But probably it’s my own fault… when making tea in a hurry I always start poking the bag with a spoon in order to speed up the whole process… you know, to force the flavor into the water … not the politically … well… socially correct way to make tea, I know! And, well, most of the time I end up with tea leafs floundering through the water anyway! Obviously not the best way to save time!

another tea-bag problem is that of the mysteriously re-appearing tea-bag - y'know, the one at the bottom of the cup making the really strong when you just *know* you rang that tea-bag out and threw it in the bin ...

Yea! I think thats the problem, we tend to rush the making of the as we want to get back to the TV before the program starts

Another one is, why is it that the sugar jar and the Tea Bag jar always need topping up at the same time?
Im sure there is a conspiracy theory behind this as well




Still doesnt expalin the Tea Spoon problem though
Smudger,

We need a kitchen-telly, that’s what we need! That way we can thwart "their" evil plans!

Now why didn't I think of that *rushes out to buy a kitchen-telly* - tell you what, I'll get some more tea-spoons and tea-bags while I'm out In the meantime - what are we going to do about the odd socks??

Ah! the Odd Socks!!
This problem has already been solved by a woman who invented a "Snap Button" that you "click" to secure the socks in place during the washing process!

This is True!! I saw on one of those Invention programs on TV

As regards to the "Telly in the Kitchen" problem, well we have a very small B&W set in ours, but the down side is, that in a couple of years they are going to stop transmitting the old VHF and "all" TV signals will be digital

Now! how about a solution the dreaded "Tea Spoon" problem
Smudger,

The Teaspoon thing reminds me of a comedy sketch, where they drain all of the water out of Loch Ness in order to find Nessie, and all they find is 30ft long teaspoon.

Though i can't remember which comedian it was by.

Telly in kitchen is in my experience the main cause of burnt dinner, burst tea-bag, lost tea-spoon, spilt coffee.... I listen to the radio instead. Can just about make tea and listen.

Ive got a set of ear phones that let me hear whats on the TV while Im in the kitchen

Of course all these modern kitchens have a built in fold down TV already in them
So all we have to do is buy one of those! (seems like we are in the realm of fantasy here now!

Right then, has anyone got any other annoying things?
Smudger,

s that come in from the garden then sit and pick their feet leaving big piles of mud all over the floor .

Yea! that and when other peoples cats and dogs use our garden as a toilet? especially when we dont have any pets

Mums driving their kids to school in their BIG 4 wheel drive off roaders, when the only time it goes of road is when she mounts curb dropping her kids off

People who stand for ages in the check out queue, and "only start" to look for their purse or wallet once they have filled all the bags at the checkout

Any More????????????????????
Smudger,

The teaspoon situation was even given a name by non other than a Mr Douglas Adams in the Meaning of Liff.

there is another solution and the one which i use, to the odd sock problem; I periodically (did it this month as it happens), throw all my socks away into the dustbin, and buy 15 or so identical* pairs of socks why won't my sofas fit in the place I just spent an hour moving them too ?

>> People who stand for ages in the check out queue, and "only start" to look for their purse or wallet once they have filled all the bags at the checkout <<

Similar to this is the people* who get to the gate at the train/tube station, and decide that *that's* the time to start rifling through their pockets, looking in handbag etc. to find their ticket; instead of having it ready like all the other people using a busy station in the rush hour, who're able to plan at least 5 seconds ahead.

*Predominantly women. Don't know why...

Ive just thought of a solution for the Tea spoon problem,=

Use an empty glass to scan the bottom of the basin!!

Or, and you will like this one Install a large Electro Magnet (like the ones they use in scrap yards) that can be lowered down over the basin, then swith it on, spoon flies up and sticks to it

I liked the ticked one
Smudger,

In my case, the tea bag that you're trying to make in a hurry is the 3-year-old one that Serephina found at the back of the cupboard and tastes like old cardboard...

B

I’m sure authorities put a preservation order on this tea bag!